To think that so called inanimate objects are actually out to get me?

[Bumfuzzle]

Consciously.

Maliciously.

My printer, for example, happily prints away for years.

Today, for the first time in yonks, I actually really NEED some documents printing for Very Important Work and the damn thing has died on me.

It waited.

I promise you, it waited.

It's printed out oodles of supermario pics for the kids, it's printed maps no problem since we got the satnav , but today it sensed something Important and it's taken itself off to printer heaven just to spite me.

Probably laughing as it went.

Bastard.

The car bashed me in the head yesterday because I was tired and sleep-deprived, deliberately. They are all out to get us.

My bin bites, and I have a mixing bowl that jumps out of the cupboard at me. DH is convinced the can opener is possessed by the devil.

Door handles are out to get me.
I am always catching my clothing on door handles.
No idea why!

I can regularly be heard screeching "right! Your going in the bin!!" at random hairbrushes/bags/appliances or whatever has been hiding/tripped/stopped working when I need it most !!

Ah well you should see my other thread.....my stairgate locks itself so that I go to walk through it and then FALL through it, taking the gate off the door frame, paintwork with it.

Oh Kara the door handle thing is enough to make me scream in rage!! It happened to me today and I nearly cried. I do too much running around not looking where the hell I am going.

hmmmm. seems this is a common problem. I suspect conspiracy.

My son's clarinet is currently having a laugh at my expense. Making a lovely sound for my son. but remaining silent every time my son passes it to me asking me to try it.

He's getting frustrated, blaming me.

But it's the clarinet. It hates me.

very common problem in our house. Today it's the fucking stair gates. If they give me one more fecking bruise to the upper thigh I will give the fuckers to the scrap man.

fucking cunts.

Wow that was cathartic

Technology hates me, I only have to look at the computer the wrong way and it throws a hissy.

DP's car keeps biting me. It's not even as though I'm threatening to drive it!

Shopping trolleys hate me. They keep giving me electric shocks :(

They know if you are serious as well. The printer at work would only cooperate if I threatened to hit it with a hammer. The other workers knew but it didn't work for them (the printer sensed their reticence but knew I would go through with it).

Where can I get my tin foil hat?

Door handles want to cut my arms off. Fact.

Metally wankbastards. Making me walk around with huge gouges out of my bingo wings upper arms.

Mouseanon - Shopping trolleys like to shock me, as well.

And now my mobile phone is looking at me with intent. Shitbiscuits, the lot of 'em.