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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel going back to work?

35 replies

cindyannajones · 18/05/2011 14:54

because I dont feel comfortable leaving DD with my FIL?

I'm going back one day a week, my mum will have DD in the afternoon but a friend of mine who was going to have her in the morning has fallen through so my DH asked his retired FIL (MIL works) to have her from 9 till 1.30, involving feeding of milk / food / water, a nap, dressing, several nappy changes and usually a phase of bored baby.

The thing is, FIL has never done any of these things, and I'm just not sure he can learn it all in 2 months...

I know he and MIL successfully raised my DH but I can't help but worry.

AIBU??

OP posts:

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/05/2011 16:32

you sound a tad precious . You could jot down some instructions on a bit of paper if you like or you could pay someone to care for your child if you want a greater degree of control.

AMumInScotland · 18/05/2011 16:33

FWIW if I was there and someone with a baby asked "would anyone like to feed/change her" I'd be unlikely to volunteer, unless I though they actually needed help. But if I offered to have someone's baby for a morning, I'd have no hesitation in taking full charge of them during that time, because it would be my responsibiloty to do it, so it would feel quite different than it would if the mother was there and not in any need of my help, if you see the difference.

Original poster

cindyannajones · 18/05/2011 16:34

Redhotpokers - it will be a 12 hour shift, and I really love my job so don't want to leave, so that when DD goes to school I can increase my hours rather than having to look for a whole new job.

OP posts:

suzikettles · 18/05/2011 16:35

My dad wasn't exactly hands on when my brother and I were babies but he learnt pretty quickly when my SIL went back to work and he cared for my nephew one day a week.

My mum's been amazed how different he's been with his grandchildren compared to his own children. Different times I suppose.

suzikettles · 18/05/2011 16:37

Oh, and my dad would never offer to change a nappy or feed a baby if there was someone else around to do it (some things dont' change) but he's happy to do it if he has to. He'd just see that as common sense...

suzikettles · 18/05/2011 16:40

You could always write the equivalent of a Haynes Manual for your dd

If your FIL is anything like my dad then he would follow written instructions on routine etc to the letter, unlike my mum who would get all huffy, think "does she think I've never looked after a baby before?" and then do it her way as soon as my back was turned.*

*That's being a bit unfair on my mum, but you know what I mean.

SoloIsAHotCougar · 18/05/2011 16:44

OP, I went back to full time shift work when my Ds was 17 weeks old. My Dad looked after him after he retired early post redundancy. He was 67 years old and had never changed a nappy in his life! He looked after my son beautifully and they had a wonderful relationship. He fed him on expressed breastmilk and took him through the biggest part of weening onto solids and (of course) he changed his nappies! It was a great arrangement and one that I wouldn't have hesitated to duplicate with my Dd had that been needed or a possibility.
Oh and I didn't give Dad any training either other than to tell him what times Ds usually needed feeding :)

Quenelle · 18/05/2011 16:44

Perhaps FIL doesn't offer when you ask because he feels like he'd be under scrutiny.

Probably better to hand him the baby and leave the room to put the kettle on for five minutes or something while he changes the nappy without an audience.

frgaaah · 18/05/2011 16:47

suzikettles, my parents too! and irony of ironies is that in my opinion my mum (won't read instructions) would do it wrong, whilst my dad (does, to the letter, loves instruction by rote and analysis of the best methods, etc it's a by product of working in finance all his life - very anal!) would do it "right".

"right" being the way I asked for it to be done! my mum would think (does think) "we never didthat when ours were young, so i'll ignore that"... and so on and so on...

and by the time i've picked them up after 2 hrs of babysitting, the guardian style under my mum's house is the complete opposite to my own style - argh!

p.s. i wouldn't offer to help change a baby either, i've never been that fussed, and wouldn't want disapproving stares if i did it wrong, certainly before i had ours!

shesparkles · 18/05/2011 20:46

If I was in a room where a baby was needing changed or fed and a parent was there, then no, I'd not be offering-it's not some kind of privilege!
If I had sole care of said child, I'd be doing it in a heartbeat

Cut FIL some slack-he loves her too!

(and I don't mean to sound snippy, but you going back to work on a part time basis will probably be good for you and DD, even if the thought scares the pants off you just now x)

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