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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend wants to stop formula feeding at 5ish months

43 replies

vmcd28 · 18/05/2011 10:07

I genuinely dont know if I'm being unreasonable or not (but I suspect not Grin).

My friend has a 7w old baby who is sick all the time. And lots of it. She is gaining weight, so she's clearly getting enough goodness from somewhere. Anyway, my friend is at the end of her tether, understandably, as she cant seem to go anywhere without her dd2 throwing up all over her car seat or someone else's carpet, etc etc. She's not able to go out, really, cos it's all too much stress.

So, saw her in passing last week, and she said the GP isnt being particularly helpful, but she's going to demand that she gets given a prescription for a formula (cant remember the name) that can be a help for sicky babies. She said if this new formula doesnt make any difference, she'll start to wean the baby at 5ish months, and stop the formula completely, giving her water and juice to drink. I was like this Shock.

Now, what I dont know is - is this something that others do, or is it as crazy as I think it is?
Even ignoring the health issues, her dd might not take to solids well (my ds1 was a nightmare!), and my ds2 is weaning at the moment, but wont drink water at all - just spits it out, so that isnt always a solution to thirst either!

My friend is a very negative person, and once she gets an idea in her head she tends to stick to it - eg "my great-aunt did this and it did her kids no harm" type of thing.

Your views will be much appreciated.

OP posts:
EmmaBemma · 18/05/2011 10:10

well, no, it's not a great idea, but I don't know what good it will do your friend or her baby for us all to agree with each other about that. Are you going to say "I asked some people on the internet, and they think you're wrong too?"

Maybe just ask her to tell her GP and health visitor what she plans to do and get their opinion on it.

GruffalosGirl · 18/05/2011 10:14

My DS was sick all the time when he was a baby and weaning made no difference, the GP told me it is because the muscle that keeps the stomach closed hasn't developed enough in some babies and it will improve once they get to about 8 months, which it did in my DS.

You can get some thickener powder from the gp that you mix with the formula which works, and really winding lots helps too.

I think it's really bad to stop milk at this point though as most of their nutrition should ome from milk until they are a good bit bigger.

Original poster
vmcd28 · 18/05/2011 10:15

Um, I was asking for opinions before I spoke to her about it, as I genuinely dont know whether this is a "safe" thing to do. I know her well enough to know that she will probably not mention it to the HV as it is none of her business, hence why I wanted information before speaking to her.
But thanks for instantly jumping on the AIBU bandwagon and being critical of me for even asking.

OP posts:
Original poster
vmcd28 · 18/05/2011 10:17

that last comment was aimed at emmabemma

Thanks, gruffalo, I suspected it was an immaturity thing, hence why tiny babies tend to be a lot more sick than older ones.

OP posts:
EmmaBemma · 18/05/2011 10:18

I wasn't being critical of you, I was trying to offer some practical help! Jeez.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 18/05/2011 10:21

Tell her that milk is the most important part of a baby's diet for the whole first year of their life. Nutritionally, they really need the milk. "food is fun until they are one"

Give her support to keep pestering the GP, seeing a different one if necessary. There are loads of different formula milks to try, it could be reflux, lactose intolerance, a digestive problem or just that her current brand doesn't agree with her. (I don't know much about any of this but that's just what I've heard)

Nixea · 18/05/2011 10:21

Wow...was going to offer some help but after the way you jumped on Emma I think I'll pass thanks.

One thing though, if you use the same aggressive tone with your friend if you do decide to stick your nose in then I can imagine it not exactly going well.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/05/2011 10:24

If her GP isn't 'helpful' and isn't investigating things like pyloric stenosis, reflux, allergies or other reasons why a baby would be vomiting so lavishly then she should seek a second opinon rather than diagnose or medicate the problem herself. My DS had pyloric stenosis, for example, and it was successfully cured by an operation. If I'd accepted the original advice of the HV ('all babies throw up, dear') and not taken it further with the doctor or devised my own treatment strategy, the poor thing could have really suffered.

mousesma · 18/05/2011 10:24

It isn't a good idea, babies need the majority of their nutrients from milk for the first year. However five months is a long way off and it is very likely she will see an improvement before then so this will be a moot point.

I wouldn't say anything for now and just continue to offer support. My baby was very sicky and it does get very dispiriting and overwhelming at times.

Original poster
vmcd28 · 18/05/2011 10:26

This is where AIBU is odd - emmabemma says "..I don't know what good it will do your friend or her baby for us all to agree with each other about that. Are you going to say "I asked some people on the internet, and they think you're wrong too?" Maybe just ask her to tell her GP and health visitor what she plans to do and get their opinion on it."

It seems critical to me, implying it wasnt helpful to ask people cos what use will that do my friend - telling her she's wrong and others agree.
I replied to that, saying AIBU is always so critical, and I genuinely wanted advice. Then I'm accused of jumping on her.

Gosh.

Anyway, I genuinely do want advice, that's all.

OP posts:
onadietcokebreak · 18/05/2011 10:26

If it's reflux a session with a cranial osteopath may work

CocktailQueen · 18/05/2011 10:27

Agree with the other replies, babies need most of their nutrition from milk for the first year. She should really see her hv or GP before doing anything drastic. Her baby will prob carry on being sick even after weaning till the muscle at the top of their stomach closes up. My dd was a terribly sicky baby will about 9 months then gradually stopped - weaning did not help.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/05/2011 10:29

Come off it, OP, if you wanted specific advice on baby weaning or feeding you would have gone to the section related to it. You came to AIBU for a pop at your friend, why pretend? Hmm

Emmabemma's advice was sound; HV and GP - it's more their business than yours.

EmmaBemma · 18/05/2011 10:32

vmcd28: to clarify. You say that your friend is someone who knows her own mind which leads me to think she doesn't respond well to criticism - and therefore, approaching her with some info gleaned from a discussion about her on these boards probably won't go well. That is all I meant. Which is why I suggested you encourage her to approach medical professionals with her plans.

AIBU is really not an ideal place to get infant feeding advice. If you genuinely want to arm yourself with some facts with which to help your friend, there are lots of recogised sources of good information on the internet, such as NHS Choices.

Original poster
vmcd28 · 18/05/2011 10:37

Emma, thanks for clarifying, I see your point, and apologies. I had read it as being an instant criticism of me asking in the first place. I'm not sure that I need lots of specific info, just a wwyd kind of thing, which is what I'm getting on this thread.

mouse, thanks. Good point re 5 months being a while away. I hadnt thought of it like that!

wobbly, thanks for reminding me of that quote - food is fun till theyre one (altho someone needs to tell ds2 that. He's a bottomless pit when it comes to solids...)

Cogito, my friend's ds had pyloric stenosis - horrible horrible thing. How are things with your ds now? I assume he needed surgery? Hope he's doing well now. Was he sick from day 1, or did it take a few weeks to show itself?

Lyingwitch, No actually I'm not having a pop at her. I DO think it's crazy, but didnt know if this is something that people do or not. I have posted a question previously in the weaning/feeding section and received NO replies, so didnt really want the same thing happening again. And it IS my business to give a friend advice - even if that advice is to keep telling her to speak to her GP. Silly me for thinking "am I being unreasonable" meant just that. I didnt realise that it was instantly assumed that I'm only on here to have a go at her.

Oh, and Nixea, I'm fairly sure that if you were making a decision on something as important as the health of your child, you'd expect your friends to "stick their nose in". Nice attitude.

OP posts:
Rebecca41 · 18/05/2011 10:39

It's not a good idea to stop formula as the reason babies need a lot of milk (breast milk or formula) is because they need the calcium. Cow's milk is too indigestable at this age, hence the recommendation to only start that as the main milk at a year old. If a 5 month old baby is weaned onto solid food and water/juice only, the chances are they'll be deficient in calcium, which will stop their bones growing properly.

Hopefully your friend's baby will have grown out of this sicky phase before it comes to that though.

I dare say you'll get a few MNers telling you to mind your own business, but my personal view is that friendship involves all kinds of things, one of which is informed advice at certain times. What people do with that advice is up to them of course.

Original poster
vmcd28 · 18/05/2011 10:42

rebecca, thank you! I dont think talking to a friend about the potential health risks of something is "sticking my nose in" AT ALL!
The other thing is, my ds2 (as I said) eats till it's almost coming out his ears at the moment, and I cant imagine how he'd ever be full up if I stopped his milk too.

OP posts:
Original poster
vmcd28 · 18/05/2011 10:44

Oh, dietcoke, I'll mention cranial osteopath too - I'd forgotten that I've read about that till now

OP posts:
CoffeeDodger · 18/05/2011 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/05/2011 10:52

vmcd28.... I didn't see your second post before I'd posted. Fair enough, you're trying to help. If you put yourself in your friend's position and her in yours, what would you find helpful - remembering that information delivery is everything. :)

StewieGriffinsMom · 18/05/2011 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gallicgirl · 18/05/2011 10:58

There's a reflux thread in breast and bottle feeding which you might find useful.

I would encourage your friend to go back and see a different doctor. the first doc I saw for my DDs reflux was very unhelpful and saw it as a nuisance. I saw a different doc and he's more helpful and willing to refer us to a paediatrician.

I think HCPs sometimes suggest early weaning but only in the most extreme cases and I imagine they still have formula and do this under medical supervision. If you look at the ingredients on the side of the tin, there are so many vitamins in it that I can't imagine any baby would be similarly nourished on the small amounts of food they might eat.

She could also try one of the thicker formulas which might help the milk to stay down.

QuackQuackBoing · 18/05/2011 11:01

I would suggest she ask her gp for a referal to a Paedetrician (SP!). My DD had severe vomiting and wasn't diagnosed by GP with reflux until 3 months. It was a bloody nightmare trying to deal with that much sick ALL the time! I would tell other people how hard it was but they just didn't understand and thought it was disgusting that me and my house were always covered in sick, so I hope you're not one of those.

My DDs vomiting continuued until age 3.5 when we were finally referred to Paed and someone actually took it seriously! So wish we had insisted sooner as it was a dairy intolerance that could be dealt with.

QuackQuackBoing · 18/05/2011 11:02

By the way, my GP recommended weaning at 4 months to try to sort it out. I waited until 5 and gave milk still as well. It didn't help though because it was the milk that was the problem.

valiumredhead · 18/05/2011 11:10

I know the current thinking is that babies shouldn't be weaned too early but it's worth remembering that 10 years ago the done thing was to wean at 16 weeks. While that seems incredibly early by today's standards, the babies did just fine on it. The poor woman sounds like she's at the end of her tether willing to try anything to help. Hopefully she will work with her HV and GP but really it's up to her how she feeds her baby, and not you OP

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