more of a wwyd really. How to say no to free stuff without offending?

[Cat98]

We have a cleaner once every 3 weeks. We are not well off at all, this lady charges 15 pound for 2 hours cleaning and we find it invaluable as neither of us are particularly good at it, she just gets our heads above water once every 3 weeks so the house is manageable. Anyway, she is not your typical cleaner (if there is one!) - she doesn't need the money but enjoys cleaning and kind of does it to get her out of the house. Anyway she is made up to the nines, very outspoken, and always smells of fags hidden by lashings of perfume. Last time she came, she brought us some bedding that she didn't need any more, and put it on our spare bed! It is nice bedding, but reeks of the faggy/perfumy smell. I tried to wash it but it still stinks. Trouble is, she will notice if we don't have it on. Quality wise it is nicer than our current bedding. What can I say to her when she asks (because she will!) I don't even know for sure if she smokes but dh says her or her partner must because of the smell. Do I tell the truth or keep pretending it's in the wash when she comes to clean?! Or another excuse I haven't thought of? She's easily offended. Help! Thanks.

yanbu if you don't want it but i do think yabu to not beable to get the smell out my kids have been sick on their bedding and i've still managed to get it clean and smelling fresh in one wash. I think you might need a new washing machine!

You can also make a spray up to help get rid of smells. Just fill a spray bottle with cheap vodka and add either a bunch of fresh rosemary or a few drops of rosemary essential oil. Leave it overnight then spray liberally. The rosemary deodorises and also works as an anti-bacterial agent and will make the whole room smell calming and fresh.

If my cleaner put her cast-off bedding on my bed stinking of fags I would be getting a new cleaner straight away! You say she doesn't need the money but that's not relevant really - you are still paying her to do a good job. I'd find someone else who won't take these liberties. It's a business arrangement and all you have to do is politely say thank you for her time but you won't be needing her any more.

I don't know if I would find another cleaner for so cheap and willing to only work every 3 weeks though! Can I ask the question though, if you did decide you didn't want the bedding, would you tell her the truth? Just saying that non smokers notice the smell of smoke a lot more? Or is that v rude?

I think it would be V rude to tell her. Just wash it a few time and use lots of washing powder (bio ) and fabric conditioner.

To be honest you should be able to get the smell out easily, I smoke my children do not and their bedding does not smell of smoke they would tell me if it did. A 60 degree wash, with white vinegar and fabric conditioner will do the trick.

You could say to her 'Does someone smoke in your house, because I noticed the bedding smelt of cigarettes and I had to put it through the wash a few times. That way if she brings in anymore things that smell you can then say that it's very sweet of her but you'd rather she didn't because of the cigarette smell. Of course she could deny that anyone smoked - then you could say that perhaps it was a visitor to her house. Whatever, she would surely get the message without taking offense.

Just wash the flippin' duvet cover on a long, hot wash - sorted! All this angst No need to worry about offence - at least you like the duvet OP, imagine if it was awful, THEN you'd need to think up a good excuse

I'd say it was a lovely idea but please don't give us any more bedding as we have enough now. If you can't get the smell out or otherwise feel funny about using it then put it in a clothes bank.

I don't like the impertinence of putting it on your bed for you either.

You could always say you had given it to a friend who had just moved to an unfurnished flat or something, if the question is asked. :)

Oh! Did she not ask if you wanted it first OP? That's a bit off then - I take back my earlier 'angst' comment!

I would say "It was really kind of you to give us that bedding but its not something we need, thanks" and give it back to her.

I can confirm white vinegar's efficacy - we used to use it to get rid of the cat wee smell, when our elderly cat started weeing in the house. The room smelled of chip shops for a while, but that cleared quickly enough, and the cat wee smell didn't come back.

Thank you Valium! I get 'forthright' a lot. And 'assertive'. And 'honest'.

Not bad traits at ALL IMO

I think it would have been kind of her to offer you some linen and I'm sure washing it will do the trick, but I think it's weird she put it on the bed without asking you

If you think it was kindly meant and you do like it, just wash it and have it on the bed sometimes so she feels the gesture was appreciated

If you think she was overstepping the mark and / or you don't like the pattern then I think you should still thank her but say that you'll keep it in the cupboard as an extra set

I wouldn't give it back - it's rude to return a gift you don't like. Just give it to the charity shop.

Blimey, I can't believe people worry about sleeping on CLEAN bedding that (gasp) other people have used. Ridiculous. Nearly all the bedding in my house is second-hand, either from charity shops or passed on to me; why on earth spend £30 on a new duvet cover when you can get one for £5 that has barely been used. It's not like people will have been shooting up heroin on it, or shitting themselves repeatedly?!

How precious?

I think the anxiety was about asthma horrible and smoking - not being precious.

And to the OP - I would give it a hot wash with fab.softener and then put it on the bed every so often. Or keep it as a spare and then in six months time you can put it in the charity shop. Why on earth does your DH worry about sleeping in 2nd hand bedding? It's clean, surely?

Of course I don't mind sleeping in 'second hand bedding' in other people's houses, or hotels, as long as it is clean of course. But I just personally wouldn't want pre-used by my cleaner bedding at home, would just rather buy new.