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Thinking I should have said something

16 replies

OneDove · 17/05/2011 22:17

Ok so I am not a believer in smacking my children. At a swimming lesson I witnessed a mum smack her child of about two years really hard on her head. (it was a real crack on the side of the head). The child was shouting a bit while the Mum got the older child dressed, but wasn't being particularly 'naughty'. But this really shocked me and really I am asking WWYD?
It just seemed really unnecessary. I could see the Mum seemed really stressed out, but who would say something really?

OP posts:

Happymm · 17/05/2011 22:23

This'll crack off here now. Personally, have been in this situation several times. When is a stranger, I've said nothing, but when saw fellow mum on school run do it, have tried to be supportive and help out when can see inflammatory situation arising. Have big judgey pants myself on this one, but know I shouldn't really:o


MadamDeathstare · 17/05/2011 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abitofyou · 17/05/2011 22:27

It was a 'public' smack - not great and horrible to witness, but sounds like she was stressed and lashing out rather than controlled violence.
Not great though. Maybe I'd have asked if she was ok to maybe get a conversation going, but really, I think you did what I would have done.

I got glared at today for telling DS off when he was being stroppy. It was a culmination of a long long day. I felt very judged and cross about it but it made me think.


OneDove · 17/05/2011 22:32

I do think maybe i could have offered to help? Possibly keep the little one engaged while she dealt with cold wet older child. It us tricky as it's a stranger. On reflection I do think I should have helped. She seemed so stressed and angry.

OP posts:

bupcakesandcunting · 17/05/2011 22:40

It's easy to judge on a glimpse of someone's day :) DS was climbing all over my sofa earlier (leather Chesterfield so quite slippy iyswim) I'd asked him six times not to do it in case he fell off. He took no notice then fell off, head first. He didn't hurt himself. I am embarrassed to say I shouted at him so hard that my face went red :( then I sent him to his room
for calm down time for us both. If someone had seen that, I bet they would have thought that I am an awful, aggressive mum when the truth is that I rarely raise my voice.

However, I hate seeing kids slapped. It plays on my mind.


LordOfTheFlies · 17/05/2011 22:44

Not so many years ago people would interfere step in to defend a child but I think now most people are afraid of getting a mouthful back, or fear the child will get punished as a result.
Sometimes when I see a mum telling her childrem off I think'been there done that' but wouldn't say anything.
IMO a swat on the behind-just one after the last warning-is a way to say 'That's Enough'.Not to hurt or humiliate, just End Of. (DS and DD playing silly beggars in shopping mall and wouldn't walk, chasing each other,ducking round people. When DS ran in front of a man with 2 sticks I gave him one sharp swipe to bring him up and made him see how his silly behaviour could cause disasterous consequences for that man.
If someone hit a child on the head that is not on.I probably would have said; whoah that's bang out of order, but expect to get verbals.

Question:if someone hit a dog round the head would you just stand there??


manicbmc · 17/05/2011 22:48

If she's prepared to lash out and hit her child on the head in public what does that kid get behind closed doors?


abitofyou · 17/05/2011 22:49

Don't be too hard on yourself, it's hard to step in.

I have a bad memory of acting badly - in a cafe I saw a v young mother swearing at her 2/3 yo; 'f*king sit still, shut the f*k up' etc. The kid was quietly crying, but she looked desperate, really stressed. My knee-jerk reaction was to say 'what a BITCH' really loudlyBlush
I so wish I'd asked if she was ok, I was horrible.

OP I think you did the right thing at the time.


OneDove · 17/05/2011 22:53

Thank you for all your replies. It has been playing on my mind especially as I will see them again next week at swimming.
I have shouted terribly at my children on occasion through tiredness and sheer frustration. This just seemed a bit too much .

OP posts:

MadamDeathstare · 18/05/2011 00:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shtiv · 18/05/2011 06:49

You are being very unreasonable.


LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 18/05/2011 09:52

Shtiv is that the only thing you can write? I've seen you on a few threads this morning and you've given the same response, verbatim.


InFlames · 18/05/2011 11:56

Tricky I know, but maybe a 'Gosh it's so stressful getting them dressed and out of here, I always look a complete state when I leave! Do you want me to watch them so you can get ready? I'm ..... by the way, my little one is .... How old are yours?' or something similar?

As a new mum who's really not used to the parent-to-parent ettiquette and also quite terrified of striking up conversations, I may be totally wrong - and I regularly run through conversations in my head....maybe that's just me :-)

I think you're NBU for not saying anything....but I also see stuff sometimes and think 'Oh My God', not with parenting choice (i.e. smacking) but with outright out-of-order screaming/swearing at child or walloping so hard child falls over etc.


stickytoffeepud · 18/05/2011 12:07

there was a parent/carer caught on CCTV in Tesco punishing her child, dont think she was smacking but treating them quite roughly

anyway, think someone reported to the police, police released stills from CCTV to local paper and it was printed on the front page

she handed herself in to the police in shame I think - dont remember what happened afterwards. Maybe if people thought there would be consequences, they wouldnt do it??


BendyBob · 18/05/2011 12:13

Yanbu. I'm not sure what I would have done either tbh, but deliberately smacking a toddler on the head is not on and being stressed is not an excuse Sad


beesimo · 18/05/2011 12:22

I would of reared up and said to the Mam ' you are a nasty stupid bitch cracking a bairn across the head you could of burst her eardrum you dammned fool if I see you doing it again I'll marmalise you'. Hopefully she would then burst in to tears and I would talk to her about it- as in never hit them across the head if a smack is your way of dealing with bad behaviour fair enough you are the Mam but its strictly across the bum or legs.

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