aibu to get all ragey with my ex over this

[cannydoit]

my dc go down to his house to the weekend with things like sun hats, clothes, toys etc and they dont come back. the latest is my dd expensive birthday present most of the time when i ask him were they are he claims ignorance. it gets my goat because he never buys them clothes or toys he just steals them from me so he has things down there for them.

Nothing useful to say except YANBU

I'm in the same boat with my ex and texted him today (so I have a record of it) asking him to return some items. Decent clothes, I bought, not mega-expensive but dear enough, they wanted to wear them to let Daddy see their new clothes, come back here in crap, and it happens again and again and again.

Sigh.

that always happens with my ex too. because he is too tight to buy stuff himself. tis well annoying.

How old are your dc's, can you rely on them to bring the stuff back?

11, 8 and 3. they go after school on a friday in their clothes and go mon morning in school uniform not really i have asked them to make sure their clothes etc are in their book bags but they dont and frankly its not really their responsibility.

Next time, collect them from his and play the "gathering up all your stuff game", make sure it's "your" stuff and thank him sweetly!

im so glad im not alone in this, my ex never gives my kids clothes back, or when they do come back they look minging and stink of smoke!

hes finally took the hint when they came back 2 weeks ago i demanded that her buy new clothes exactly the same as the ones he ruined as he never pays anything towards their clothes or keep, today i received the new nightdress shorts and games that were ruined/missing :)

YA def not BU.

Two of my pals have the exact same problem and it rightly pisses them off no end and costs them a bloody fortune. Stupid selfish exes.

Same here except the other way round - DSS comes to us with nothing, wearing the exact same clothes he was dropped back in last time (bought by us) including dirty pants and socks, but minus expensive trainers ('lost' and replaced with shoes several sizes too small) his glasses (ex gets the free pair but won't let him bring them to ours, so we buy pairs - the ones at his mums get lost, or broken, she takes our pairs and sends him back in the broken ones) his bike helmet, ooh, whole sets of clothes (she texts for DH to bring a new outfit with him, yes, including pants and socks) any toys DS takes home, earphones for his DS game (although we think they might have been nicked by his brother - twice now in 6 weeks) and ooh yes - the transition toy that the Cafcass officer recommended when overnight contact was starting - she must have more of those cuddly toys than the most fervent fan as we had to buy so many to replace the 'lost' ones.

We try to keep it all separate but as you say, if they want to show the other parent, or have it for the week to play with...

Dont send nice clothes or toys?

We used to have this in reverse with then DPs ex, we used to supply endless new clothes and shoes because the children only ever brought what they were standing up in, even for a three week stay or a holiday away. They used to wear them home and come back in the same old things time after time, the new things were never seen again until they had outgrown them.

Very annoying for you though, I know. If he's going to be like that I would send them in their simple basic clothes and shoes, no spares and see what happens.

Does your ex have a new partner?

If not at the moment, then perhaps when he does things will change, you will probably find they will be returned to you in pristeen condition, then start sending them with spares, and get these laundered for free too !

he does but it will not last they never do as he lives with his dad and is a functioning alcoholic, he sees her once a week on a tuesday so she doesnt do the washing his dad does.

x-post a bit there with balia.

It does seem a very common problem, hard to agree what belongs where etc, when in fact the clothes and shoes belong to the children and they should be free to take the items where they please. In reality though until they are old enough to be responsible for their own belongings it is going to be a difficult thing to control so that everyone is happy.