OK, so it's late, and I should be asleep &c, and also this is probably very boring, BUT...

[Samjam10]

AIBU for wanting to get married AS WELL AS have a baby, despite the fact that we have been together (my partner and I, not you lot and I, obviously) for well over a decade and have a soon ish (Aug) to be eleven year old child?

A registry office with two strangers as witnesses would be fine. Having a baby would be better, if I can ever manage to get pregnant, but I would like both, and I can't really think of a good reason for why when my partner asks me.

Why not? Go for it!

Ah - well you see it's not him that's asking me to marry him - it's me who wants to get married and him asking me (looking genuinely puzzled) "Why on Earth would we bother?"

"because I want to and it would make me happy darling. Why shouldn't we?"

I love curryspice's reply . Perfect.

Leap year next year if you are the traditional type

I too like CurrySpice's reply... But I suspect it will fall on deaf, or at least indifferent ears. And who really wants to get married to someone who isn't really bothered about marrying them? Despite the fact that said person is a great partner, father and best friend and is VERY keen now (not previously) to be getting kocked up with number two! it's HIM doing the ovulation calculator, ffs!

That would be KNOCKED up - I hate to think what kocked up is!

(And obviously not him getting knocked, or indeed, kocked, up!)

We did pretty much exactly what you are suggesting. together for 12 years, one child, I gradually but persistently felt that wanted to be married and have a baby. I was hesitant about having to 'persuade' dh, but once i came up with a plan (reg office, 2 friends, all our kids, day out together, 17 days notice) he was more than happy to go along with it and it has DEFINITELY made some kind of intangible but lovely difference to our lives. as did dd, born 361 days later... [GRIN]

Do you have all the legal and financial stuff sorted out if the worst should happen SamJam10? Next of Kin, Wills, bank accounts, house deeds etc?

If not perhaps you could suggest you want to ensure everything is in place, (just in case anything should happen to you) to prevent everythign being tied up whilst it is sorted out. Long lengthy financial conversations and lots of prospective visits to solicitors and such. Point out that an easier way would just be to get married........

Lovelyjudy, how great!

Unfortunately, Firkytoodle, we have been very organised re all that stuff. So not a leg to stand on.

Does it count if I just get him very drunk and then hiss "It's a bar. He's offering you a beer. Say yes!"?

You are not being unreasonable to want both. Tell him that marriage would make you feel closer and more secure as a family. Your dc would love it if you got married, I bet.

But no, like you, I wouldn't want to get married to someone who wasn't into the idea. He has to want it too.

Sorry, that wasn't much help was it.

He can't see the point at all. And I can't rationally either! I just know I want to get married (I have a Christian faith, he doesn't btw).

It's not a deal breaker - we are very happy anyway, and I do want to spend my life with him (and he with me, unless he is a consumate liar).

Ah well. Perhaps if I get knocked up again I will have more leverage (as I recall, he is quite amenable to ANYTHING when a small new person is in the equation! (evil grin) Missed chance last time round! ).

How about....

Get knocked up.
Produce baby no.2

Arrange combined naming ceremonies for both DCs plus wedding for selves (you can tag the wedding on to the naming ceremonies under the excuse that while you've got the registrar booked you might as well get value for money).

Thats a shame Sam (only from the perspective of weddings of course)

I can recommend honeymoons for the conception of babies

Bollocks, Piprabbit - son Christened already (Brought up Catholic - I wasn't going to risk that was I? ).

I think I will have to accept spinsterhood, or produce baby 2 and then take advantage of the loved upness that occurred on birth of baby one!

Or say - "You do know these children are illegitamate - I would refer you to pre Vatican 2 Catholicism - heard of Limbo?"

Maybe not....

(Actually, son would be OK, due to Baptism - but what about me and MY mortal soul eh?? )

Being married is different - and better in some indefinable way, at least for us.

We were together for 6 years before the 'quiet' wedding in a registry office. We both became more excited about it than we ever expected to be and so were our friends and families.

Making those promises in public was very meaningful and we've been married for 27 years now.

German 'kocked up': hoisted; put down, deposited, arranged.

I'll leave you to play with these apt words, Samjam10.