to be really fed up with DP's Ex?

[Piglet28]

Ok so been with DP 9years have our DS age 2 and StepDD 14 , DP's Ex has a BF that lives in France and every half term, summer holiday she tells us that she is going away to France.

Her latest announcement is that she is going for 2 weeks July and 2 weeks Aug, step DD is going away with her friend for 2 weeks in July when her mum gets back, so Ex will not see her daughter for 6 weeks and we have her for nearly whole summer hols!

AIBU to think she should spend some time with her DD as well as us? Step DD can be lazy and and a bit lippy but is your average teenager... I just feel sorry for her sometimes being dumped off on us (we live in the countryside she can't see her mates easily, never gets up early enough for a lift and spends the whole time indoors watching tele getting on my wick!)

we can't afford to go away, and ex is always moaning she is skint... how can she afford nearly 8 weeks a year holiday then!!

Ok rant over.

Thanks for listening! x

Yeah its a bit rough really.

Ah well.

I don't see spending 4 weeks of the Summer with your Dad as being 'dumped' at all.

Presumably Mum and DD spend other time together if they live with each other so it sounds ideal really.

Your finances aren't really anything to do with this...not sure why you're mentioning them in relation to your post?

Poor kid. No wonder she's moody if she feel neither of her parents or their partners really want her under their feet.

There are 52 weeks in the year so I assume that she is around the other 44 for her daughter even if you have her some weekends?

So she spends a large proportion of her life around for her daughter who will probably to be honest be off out and about seeing all those mates and not wanting to spend time with a parent.

If she is going to stay with her BF then I assume she is staying at his place and will only have to pay for travel. Not as expensive as 8 weeks holidays.

Also if your partner is paying the agreed amount of maintenance then it is not his ex's fault if you as a couple cannot afford to go away.

I agree with Worral.

Poor, poor kid. I really feel for her.

I guess it's for your DH to negotiate with his ex over the arrangements for their daughter but I can completely understand why you are exasperated. Maybe he will be able to persuade her to see that her DD needs more from her than this. I know that I would be probably be fuming and hopping up and down if I were you.

In the worst case scenario though - I guess we assume that she won't budge and your DSD will be with you all summer. It absolutely shouldn't have to come down to you but if you find yourself in this situation, I think that if it were me, I might include her in planning some nice things to look forward to and break up the summer. Kids of all ages need some down/ unplanned time (as, indeed, we all do) but I, personally, have always had a few things dotted through the summer holidays for my two and still do, actually. My girls are 15 and 17.

Does she have any hobbies/ sports or interests? Sometimes there are summer courses/ "camps"/ whatever... Perhaps she and a friend could do something together?

What about volunteering for some sort of charity? Look online for any volunteering that might me suitable for a fourteen year old? We have a little cat sanctuary near us and they are always grateful for help with mucking out/ grooming/ feeding etc

Is she studying French for GCSE? Could the Ex's BF arrange for her to spend a week with a relative of his who has a teenage daughter to improve her language?

I'm trying to think of things that shouldn't cost an absolute fortune but might help the summer pass happily, give her a focus and get her out and about and mixing with different people instead of vegging in front of the telly...

Poor kid though. YANBU, Piglet

YABU. Your DP is her father and spending the school holidays with him is not unnatural or unreasonable. Her mother has a life too and is entitled to a break from childcare where the other parent is perfectly capable of looking after, and spending time with, his own daughter.

I agree YABU, why shouldn't your DP'S ex have a life of her own too?

I think tbh the real issue is not that you feel sorry for your stepdd, you feel sorry for yourself regarding the fact you have to look after someone else's child whilst they get a break and enjoy themselves.

Remember your dd is your partner's child and he should spend quality time with her!

Also, it's not really any of your business to wonder why your p's ex can afford holidays. Maybe her bf pays!