to wonder why even after six months, or however long, it only takes a day to be back at square one?

[Twootwit]

I had a traumatic labour with my DS 18 months ago, and then suffered from PND. Counselling and AD's have helped and 98% of the time I feel great, resilient and like I'm not the worst mother that my DS could have

But then it just takes one bad night's sleep, or one pretty normal but tedious thing like a puncture or something, to send me spiralling back to square one. Short tempered, panic attacky, close to tears.

Will I ever be NORMAL????!!!!! How does everyone else seem to function so bldy well??!!! sigh

That's the key - everyone else seems to function - you just don't see when they are not.

Cut yourself some slack - even without PND, things wind me up much more easily than they did before I had DS (5.5. months).

dont you think everyone gets short tempered, and close to tears at some point? The trick is to see it for what it is, just another emotion, deal with the issue and move on.

Sounds pretty normal to me.

Its when you are like that all the time, for no reason, and can't snap out of it or shake the feeling that you have a problem.

Hang in there.

And getting a puncture is a fucking pain in the arse so YANBU

sounds pretty normal to me too... i went all panicky when the car made a funny noise... and i have just seen another mum in the playground get all panicky because her car is making a noise.. so normal..

It takes a LONG time, don't be so hard on yourself. Took me years before a bad night didn't set me back.

And appearances can be deceptive, just because people look like Stepford Wives on the outside doesn't mean they aren't banging their heads against the kitchen wall the minute they get home.

me too. It's normal. Sometimes I feel like I can take on the world, but there are other times when I just feel everything is too much. Other days, I just function - no enjoyment, no real panics, just get through the day.

dh and I have a running 'joke' that if I am having a bad day I text him to just say 'we're still alive' - he knows then to get home on time!

Maybe people just hide it better than me then - I tend to wear my mood on my sleeve!

It's just that I'll go a few weeks and think "Wow! I've cracked this, I'm coping like a normal human, well done me!" and then it kneecaps me again and it's the whole struggle to get back up all over again.
I'm guessing that's life though?? Sometimes it's just so tiring to get back up though.

A puncture is worse than tedious-it means I have to walk-which I only enjoy with the dog

I do sometimes wonder how many "happy, smiling" people are ct´rying inside, though

Oh sweetheart, honestly you are being SO hard on yourself! It's heard enough looking after a small child but then to have PND on top, I'm amazed how anyone copes to be honest.

Each time you get knocked back, it will become that little bit easier to get going again.

My dh used to say if he got home after work and everyone had been fed and no one (including me) was crying, then it was a good day

Please be gentle with yourself. I used to suffer with anxiety and panic attacks and frequently berated myself for, say I had one on a Monday, that would be it for the week, I'd feel I'd let myself down and the rest of the week was a write off and I'd be convinced it would be the same. Eventually, I kind of accepted that some days I'd have them, and some days I wouldn't, but it didn't matter - life can be demanding and you just have to do your best. Funnily enough, once I'd stopped piling the pressure on not to have them, they really eased off.

You're not at 'square one' at all - you needn't stop your journey just because you hit a diversion or a bump in the road, just means you need to stop of at the motorway services, have a drink and a treat, then get back on again.

The fact that you say you feel great 98% of the time is really good, I know people who would love to say that they only feel bad 2% of the time.

Not responding well to lack of sleep and the little annoyances in life isn't that unusual. Well done on addressing your issues, seeing support with counselling etc. Keep going - you're doing better than you give yourself credit.

I'm so glad I posted this, because I managed to read some of the responses before the third of my "bad things come in threes" occurred. DS pulled a bottle of red wine out onto the tiles. Deep joy. But I kept some of the comments I'd read on here going round in my head, thought "at least he's not hurt", and considered whether the besy way of mopping it up was just to get down on my knees with a straw....only a few tears and 30 seconds of feeling sorry for myself. I won't let it take me all the way back to square one....maybe only square three.
Thanks

Good for you :)

And don't forget EVERYONE has shit days - and the trick is seeing them for what they are a shit day and tomorrow is another day and hopefully better!