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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU-To give myself a pat on the back.

29 replies

redderthanred · 16/05/2011 10:07

Personally i think i deserve a bloody medal.

DD was with her dad this weekend and he was working in the afternoon. I couldnt collect DD before he started work so the only option was his girlfriend dropping DD off. His GF who he was having an affair with. His GF who is 12 years younger than him ( though im WAY more attractive)

So - she brought DD home. And tbh i wouild have deserved a medal for that. Then DD asks if she can come in and have a lot at her new guinea pigs. Didnt really have a choice did i? but i let her into MY house and showed her.

Ive totally moved on and everything. But bloody hell. How very modern am i?
( SO not comftable about it at all)

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 16/05/2011 10:11

Well done you, you do deserve a pat on the back.

Original poster
redderthanred · 16/05/2011 10:13

i do dont i. very grown up behaviour.
In reality id rather tell her to fuck off and to stay away from my child.
But im not really allowed to do that am i.

OP posts:
messymammy · 16/05/2011 10:30

wow well done.:o
I always try to have that lovely calm persona and secretly seething inside, just looks like Im holding in diarrhoea.... :(

Reality · 16/05/2011 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoxyRevenger · 16/05/2011 10:35

Ooh you might have reached that (previously believe to be mythical) state of Being The Bigger Person.

We bow down. Grin

Slainte · 16/05/2011 10:37

Wow, well done you! You're now officially the bigger person!

dontlikemondays · 16/05/2011 10:37

really feel for you, being so rational and cool about it - can't help thinking if it was me i'd have 'accidentally' poked her in the eye with guinea pig's water bottle.

redexpat · 16/05/2011 10:38

Such a grown up!

SenoritaViva · 16/05/2011 10:39

I know that was very grown up of you, but I don't have a medal. Will a colourfully painted fairy cake for a saintly grown up do?

[Passes it over in the hope of acceptance, whilst quivering in boots to be in the presence of such greatness]

barbie007 · 16/05/2011 10:43

well done, you should be proud! The things we do for our kids.......

QuackQuackBoing · 16/05/2011 10:43

Wow! Well done. How long have you been split? I don't think I could have been so nice, I would probably have said "so this was my husbands home with his family while you were secretly fucking him".

Glad she's ugly! (childish or what!)

Hullygully · 16/05/2011 10:45

Well done.

Peace and love will garland you like frangant flowers.

Hullygully · 16/05/2011 10:45

frangant - v unusual

Original poster
redderthanred · 16/05/2011 10:50

2.5 years. So a while. I didnt find out about the affair until 6 months after i had kicked him out.

yes she is uglier and fatter and that is enough to make me pleased.

And its my own house, nothing what so ever to do with him.

i did it for my child. She doesnt know does she? And i cant tell her, shes 5 fgs.
So i just swallowed it down and smiled. Luckily i looked pretty damn good as i had been out for lunch and she was in jogging bottoms.

But really. when you think about it its a bit crazy isnt it - how im expected to be ok with everything and behave like it really doesnt matter. If i actually think about it i still see red and then end up upset about it, and i dont think thats every going to go away.

He picked DD up friday and took her swimming, but there was a 45 min delay between the two with nowhere to go. So i said he could come in ( again dd wanting to show off the guinea pigs) and then he procedded to get changed ( down to his pants) in my kitchen.

Bloody weird.

i shall happily accept a 'colourful painted fairy cake' in leiu of a medal :)

OP posts:
Original poster
redderthanred · 16/05/2011 10:51

Or i could just be a mug.

OP posts:
scattercushion · 16/05/2011 10:59

a colourfully painted mug? No you're not, you're being incredibly mature.

scattercushion · 16/05/2011 11:00

Rename your house 'The Moral Highground'

LRDTheFeministDragon · 16/05/2011 11:10

That heat I feel coming off this thread - that's the warming feeling of well-deserved smugness, isn't it? Grin

Well done you. I have no medal, but I do have a big grin.

QuackQuackBoing · 16/05/2011 11:12

So glad you were feeling all nice and she was in joggers. Bet that helps!

Original poster
redderthanred · 16/05/2011 11:14

its not really smugness. i just dont really see what the other options are really.
I mean, i kind of have to be that way for dds sake dont i?

But dear god. seriously. AWFUL!

Im not very good at being a grown up at the best of times.

OP posts:
Al0uiseG · 16/05/2011 11:17

You did the right thing, a child soon picks up on animosity between parents and step parents. Also you totally win because you looked like a hot chick and she's a bag of spanners :o

LRDTheFeministDragon · 16/05/2011 11:20

Well, if you're not smug you're a better person than me - I bloody would be!

You're right it's the right thing to do, but as if that ever made it easier ...

Your DD will be very proud of you when she's older, I think. (Not that she's not now, but presumably for different reasons ... it'll take her a bit of time to realize what you did for her by being the grown up one in this situation).

Original poster
redderthanred · 16/05/2011 11:26

Actually - i think when shes older, if i do ever tell her she will be horrified.
( domestice abuse, emotional abuse, countless affairs)

but i just dont really see what the other option is. Its still emensley hard to be the better person though. I dont really like having to be the better person you know. its actually shit.

OP posts:
LRDTheFeministDragon · 16/05/2011 11:31

Oh, red, that's awful. Sorry, I had no idea and my comment about being smug seems very tactless now. To be honest though, I don't see how your daughter wouldn't see you for what you are and your ex for what he is - people don't hide their natures very well. So even if she never knows exactly what happened, I think she will know how much of an effort you made for her.

clam · 16/05/2011 11:38

Well, if that's the background, then try to feel sorry for her (the OW). She's got it all coming to her, no doubt. That's if he hasn't already started.

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