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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be just a little bit upset that DH and DD have not given me any birthday presents?

46 replies

ExitPursuedByAKitten · 16/05/2011 09:36

That's it really. My birthday today. For a couple of weeks DH has been saying "What do you want for your birthday" and I have replied "Nothing". But of course, I don't really mean nothing. Do I? There isn't anything I really want, but just sometimes it would be nice if he made the effort to just get a little something without me having to tell him. (Although I did say a few weeks ago that I would like a new shovel for the stables, even that has not been forthcoming.) We are going out later, and no doubt I will see something and he will buy it for me, but that isn't the point.

He even walked down to the car this morning to get out my card which he had not got round to writing.

And as for DD, well she is just a typical selfish 11 year old.

I shall now spend the day feeling wronged.

OP posts:

Melly19MummyToBe · 16/05/2011 16:06

For years we always used to ask my dad what he wanted for birthday/christmas and he always used to say 'peace and quiet' without fail, so the other year I bought him a pair of ear defenders for his birthday, and on the left one I wrote 'peace', and on the right one I wrote 'quiet' :o

Happy birthday!

Chandon · 16/05/2011 16:27

saying you want nothing, and then being upset when that's what you get is a bit passive aggressive. And you're not the winner in the end.

My DH always asks what I want, and I tell him I like Mulberry handbags (), Kenzo perfume, silver bangles, the new cookery book by Jamie Oliver whatever whatever. He buys me some of these suggestions then (not the bag ).

Men who spontaneously buy amazing gifts only exist in Hollywood films I believe.

Buda · 16/05/2011 16:31

One Christmas DH asked me for a wish list. So I duly jotted down a list of things I would like for him to pick a few things off. We went shopping and out for a nice boozy lunch and then off he toddled on his own and got me everything on the list! Result!

So you could try that next year!

CurrySpice · 16/05/2011 16:33

Oh god, drunk shopping is the best :o

Buda · 16/05/2011 16:35

I know! We haven't managed it since unfortunately!

My mum used to look after DS and we would head off for the day. She is not well now and if we go to my parents for Xmas there is normally too much to do as she is not up to doing anything so it all falls on my Dad. I would feel too guilty to expect to head off for the day.

CurrySpice · 16/05/2011 16:41

Buda surely we can cooperate here and offer mutual babysitting so we can get our OHs drunk and persuade them to spend more than they intended on our presents get some essential chores done :o

TheCowardlyLion · 16/05/2011 16:47

DH gets a list! I never say 'Nothing' - I do make it clear that birthdays are important to me and I like a fuss.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 16/05/2011 16:55

Chandon - I'm sorry disappoint but my husband is very good at presents. The first Christmas we were together we'd only known each other a couple of months, and agreed on small gifts even though the relationship was already very serious and we were moving in together in the new year.
He bought me diamond earrings

Buda · 16/05/2011 17:05

CurrySpice - sounds like a plan!

stillstanding · 16/05/2011 17:09

YANBU. Am really surprised by some of the posts on here. Nothing doesn't mean nothing, fgs. Of course, they should have got you a present. Ridiculous to think that just because you didn't tell them what to buy then they don't have to buy something. They have to give it some thought and come up with something. Doesn't have to be expensive, doesn't even have to cost a penny - flowers, breakfast in bed all count - but a little bit of thought and love is mandatory.

lubberlich · 16/05/2011 17:15

For weeks this year I was repeatedly asked "What do you want - if you don't tell us then you won't get anything."
Eventually I blew a gasket and told them the whole point of fucking birthdays was to fucking surprise people with nice fucking presents.
And I got loads of lovely stuff.

Sometimes you have to spell things out - families are simple beasts.

Happy Birthday!

UnlikelyAmazonian · 16/05/2011 18:03

For my 40th I asked exDH to take me to local tapas bar after I'd finished work, and share a glass of bubbly and plate of yummy tapas overlooking the sea.

When I got home he wafted in saying he was going to cook me a Thai curry. I pretended to be pleased. I sat on the sofa watching eastenders, and the sun sink outside, while he enjoyed himself in the kitchen cooking (an average curry.)

We ate the food. He was pissed off I didn't say thankyou. I drunkenly said 'but I wanted to go to the bar,' he went into sulky twat mode, marched down to the bar ahead of me, in a pissing gale, it was shut, we went to local dive pub, he bought me a pint of lager, I put my fag out in it.

Now, I organise all my own birthdays, buy myself a present, don't expect anything from anyone. I put my feet up, drink whatever, get the CM to write a card to me from DS which I make a big fuss about opening with him....

ah the joy.

The sheer bloody joy!!!!

Happy birthday OP. In future, organise your own bash and pressies...and just ask your nice but unimaginative DH to pay.

cannydoit · 16/05/2011 18:08

i would go balistic of dp partner did that to me on my birthday, 11 year old not so sure about as well my 11 year old has no money of her own etc but its the dads job to take her out to pick something. v shoddy and he would know about it if he did that. you said nothing so not great on your part but really he needs to make more effort doesnt take much to show someone you love you care.

Buda · 16/05/2011 18:09

Hello UA! How are you? And how is your gorgeous DS?

pigletmania · 16/05/2011 18:53

Oh dear! Happy birthday hope that you had a lovely day. Really its you'r fault , your dh has a track record for being crap with birthdays so what do you expect. My dh has, and one birthday he did not get me anything, a month later he bought some chocolates and said that they were a belated birthday present to me , he who always talks about me needing to loose weight. Anyway, so as not to have a repeat of last year, I have reminded him a month in advance and have been e mailed him my Tiffany Amazon wish list.

penguin73 · 16/05/2011 19:02

I said 'nothing' this year when asked - DH is overseas and DS stressed with exam prep and I was maxed with work and genuinely didn't want to celebrate until DH returns in July and DS and I are both less stressed. DH spent far too much money ordering stuff he thought I might like because 'women say nothing but they never mean it'.

So YABU and it's all your fault that I now have expensive stuff I'll never use and a host of books/DVDs I already had!....

Original poster

ExitPursuedByAKitten · 16/05/2011 21:06

Thanks all. Men eh! Will pop out tomorrow and buy my own shovel.

Stillstanding - exactly - just a leetle bit of thought would go a long way.

His sister phoned tonight and asked if I had lots of lovely presents to open this morning and I had to honestly reply "No, none". He sits next to me getting all aghast at how arsey I am behing .

I frequently mention Mulberry...................

OP posts:

glassofwhiteanybody · 16/05/2011 21:26

I think what matters more is how you treat each other all year round. Every year my DH asks if I want a valentine card and I say I do, so he goes off to buy one. We both know he thinks it's a bit daft, but once a year he humours me. If I told him I didn't want a card, he wouldn't buy one and I think he'd feel hard done by if I complained about it

I do think birthdays are special, but I think you should spell out what you'd like if he isn't likely to second guess it.

upahill · 17/05/2011 10:30

I would honestly be hurt if DH didn't make an extrordinary amount of fuss for me on my birthday and would wonder what was wrong.

We are normally away for my birthday so the week before he arranges a meal with my friends. He takes a present on holiday for me so that I have something to open then I get my 'main ' present when I get home.
He makes sure there are also presents and cards from the boys although he is encouraging DS1 to use his own money and take responsibility now he is 14.
We then go out for another meal on the actual birthday.
We have a similar performance at Christmas.

He treats me fantastically all year round. I would hate the 4x a year 'look after wife' bit eg Christmas, mothers day birthday and valentines day, but it is nice to be treated extra special on those days.

I do think, as I said before, saying that you want nothing is pointless when you are expecting something.

I do think also that it is a case of starting as you mean to go on. If DH hadn't been like this 21 years ago when we first got together I think I would have had to say something.

Birthdays are massive occasion in our house for all family members and we treat DH the same and make a huge fuss over him and spoil him. I think it is just a case of showing appreciation for each other.

Original poster

ExitPursuedByAKitten · 17/05/2011 14:40

You clearly have a lovely husband upahill. What does he buy you? Things you actually like?

OP posts:

upahill · 17/05/2011 21:13

Yeah exit he surprises me with stuff that is great. For my birthday this year I am getting this www.evanscycles.com/products/niterider/pro-700-led-rechargeable-front-light-ec024573 Not everyones taste but I wouldn't spend that much on myself. This won't be a surprise of course but he'll get me something else as well

For Mothers day I got a lap top which was cool.

I'm trying to do a deal with him where I forsake Christmas, Mothers day and my birthday until 2013 and get this:

www.orangebikes.co.uk/bikes/five-diva_pro/ It's fair to say we are in neogation stages at the moment!!!

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