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wibu to ask?

37 replies

anotheracademic · 15/05/2011 10:09

This has been playing on my mind.

Went away to a hotel for a wedding and the majority of the guests were wedding guests as well. We were there for 4 days, met and "hung out" together after the wedding. The happy couple stayed too.

Was at lunch with ds, happy couple, mother of the groom and another couple who I had spent the day with but I have to say dont know very well (first time we have met) . At one stage the bride said she was tired and I heard one of the other couple say "why dont you all go back to the pool and we will sort out the bill". I didnt think anything of it and certainly didnt assume it meant me too. (By the way, I didnt have a meal, only my 6 year old ds did).

So the bride actually stayed, we all chatted, eventualy the couple got up. I saw through the corner of my eye that they were at the restaurant reception , sorting out the bill. Now in my family, we have a bad habit or trying to get up first to pay the bill...but i know thats family and dont expect that from anyone else, especially people I dont know that well.

So, I said "Oh no, they look like they are paying" and we all got up to go over and sort our own out, make sure they werent out of pocket etc.

I was last at the desk, having the 6 year old in tow , and got there to find the waitress waljing away from the desk with the little folder thing they give the bill to you in clutched in her hand and the happy couple and mother of groom thanking the couple for paying their shares (with lots of "you shouldnt haves" etc)

I was in a dilemma, do I assume, do I ask? So I said "you didnt pay ours did you"? (keeping in mind it was one 6 year old child's meal and lemonade- probably not relevant but anyway...).

The female of the couple stopped dead amd smirked and said in a loud, firm and passive aggressive "this is me asserting myself" way ...."er, NO, we didnt".

I was so embarrassed as this was in front of everyone and I felt like a scumbag for I just said "oh my goodness, Im so glad you didnt, Id feel so bad" and went to pay for ds' lunch.

Do you think I was BU to have asked? Or is it mean to pay for everyone at a table's lunch and leave out one person?
I can see why asa we dont know eachother that well but my god, I was so mortified.

OP posts:
beckibicker · 15/05/2011 12:57

why was the woman rude and bullying

OP asked a question, she said no

thats that

what else could she have said?

beckibicker · 15/05/2011 12:58

Am I the only one who would have asked the waitress?

no i would have also

diddl · 15/05/2011 13:24

Oh, I got confused then as in OP it says that waitress was walking away-in which case I would have just gone after her & asked.

In any case, she surely would have been back soon for the rest of the payment?

Seems odd to me as it was a straightforward question to which a yes or no answer would have sufficed, though.

anotheracademic · 15/05/2011 13:28

The waitress was behind a large counter, walking away from it and back to the kitchen. I hit the woman from the couple first, and was confused, so my first reaction was to ask as the three others were buzzing around thanking her for paying theirs

OP posts:
IprivateI · 15/05/2011 13:35

What a bitch...and not paying for a 6 year old child? How rude.

diddl · 15/05/2011 13:44

""why dont you all go back to the pool and we will sort out the bill". "

TBH, I probably would have thought that was included in that.

However, I would have offered to pay them back my share, thinking that they were going to pay the bill all in one go to make it easy, not necessarily that it was an offer to pay for everyone iyswim.

anotheracademic · 15/05/2011 13:48

If they had paid the bill while we went to the pool, I would have asked them how much I owed them when they met up with us there. Definitely.

OP posts:
anotheracademic · 15/05/2011 13:48

(Mind you i would have known how much anyway and just given it to them) :)

OP posts:
diddl · 15/05/2011 13:51

"I hit the woman from the couple first,"ShockGrin

If someone offers to pay the whole bill, we usually off to "pay back" unless we know that there will be a chance for us to pick up a tab to "even it out" iyswim.

anotheracademic · 15/05/2011 14:01

They didnt offer though. This was something I overheard her husband saying to the bride when she said she was tired. The bride then declined..."no, no, Im ok, I'll stay here" and stayed . We were there for another half hour after that.

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 14:59

Sounds like somone had no class and it certainly was not YOU OP! You did right and they were rude in the exterme.

jordannarikki · 15/05/2011 15:22

These kind of situations make me cringe.

I don't think YABU but I think when they stood up to pay I would have given them cashed and asked them to pay my part of the bill.

Or, I would have hung round til they left then asked the waitress.

Or, at as push, I would have said something like "which waitress did you pay, is it that one there I need to pay?" so that if she had paid she could have volunteered the information herself.

BUt you weren't in the wrong and yanbu.

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