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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of this mum at school?

12 replies

ReindeerBollocks · 14/05/2011 22:58

I got to know a mum at DS's school, as her DC were in hospital at the same time as DS. This was a couple of years ago. We have remained on 'school friendly' terms since.

I saw her and her DCs recently (having not seen them in a few weeks) and one of her DCs recognised me, and remembered that they saw us in hospital. I asked how her DC were now and they are doing really well. The reason they were in hospital has been corrected and the mum commented that they've not been in hospital since, thank god.

I am really, really pleased for her, and her DCs. They seem to be a delightful little family (polite, well mannered and lovely DCs), and I am glad that they have not needed any further medical intervention.

But this conversation came literally an hour after I was organising yet another surgery for DS. In the two years since we met this family DS has been in at least ten times, for many procedures including surgery.

I can't help feeling really jealous. DS's condition has turned me into a twisted bitch, but I am overwhelming jealous of this family and the fact that they won't be in hospital any time soon.

OP posts:
rey · 14/05/2011 23:02

It's understandable but I guess you know you have to overcome it because it will do you no good and it's life unfortunately. Really sorry you have this feeling on top of everything.

bigbumum · 14/05/2011 23:03

ahhh i feel for you x

I feel the same about folk we know who have now got toddlers when we have been trying for 5 years for number 2. Jealous doesnt come close.

worraliberty · 14/05/2011 23:03

Awww I'm so sorry to hear about your son.

FWIW I think you're very envious rather than Jealous, otherwise I don't think you'd be pleased for them...equally if you were a twisted bitch I don't think you'd speak so highly of them.

No-one could blame your for feeling envious though...I mean none of us want our kids to go through anything bad Sad

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/05/2011 23:07

Agrees with worra, envy rather than jealousy - and perfectly understandable. So sorry for your DS, OP, hope that his condition improves.

Original poster
ReindeerBollocks · 14/05/2011 23:11

That's why I am so annoyed by my feelings. They are so lovely and I am genuinely happy for them as a family.

It doesn't help that I wasn't expecting further surgery for DS and whilst it does need to be done I'm not overly happy with it. It just reminded me that some families get an end to this crap, and unfortunately we just don't.

Will get over it by the end of the weekend. I had done so well and have been positive and happy since Christmas, I just am normally prepared for these things. Sometimes, just sometimes, when something catches you by surprise, it just knocks down the (well placed) defences I have.

And now I'm waffling.

OP posts:
ballstoit · 14/05/2011 23:13

YANBU. It's human to be envious at times, nobodies perfect.

worraliberty · 14/05/2011 23:14

No you're making perfect sense OP.

I still think it's envy rather than jealousy though. You sound very grounded from the way you're posting and not twisted at all.

I think you're being too hard on yourself. I hope one day you will be the one saying your DS needs no further treatment.

rey · 14/05/2011 23:15

Waffle away. Only on MNet can we waffle and someone out there will hear. Even if we can't help each other we can be there and read and we can express ourselves where we can't with people we know. Now I waffle.

Sirzy · 14/05/2011 23:17

YABNU. Its completely understandable and I often feel the same (although thankfully DS doesnt have as many problems as it sounds like your poor DS does)

The only time it was unreasonable was if you tried to make her feel uncomfy about the situaion and your OP makes it obvious you wouldn't do that.

Hopefully you see an end to the hospital trips soon.

scottishmummy · 14/05/2011 23:18

cut yourself some slack.you have hard times
human and natural to think why us,not fair
give boy a hug and do take care

Original poster
ReindeerBollocks · 14/05/2011 23:23

I guess envy is more appropriate (the pedants will be after me now) Grin. DS will always need treatment, I usually deal with it very well. DS is very grounded and has a strong character, so no outward flaws from his years of medical treatment (or my handling of his medical condition!).

It's just every now and then I think 'shit, my poor baby, it's not fair'. I just really wish that we were in the same position as the family at school.

Which is daft and gets me nowhere, but hey I guess a wobble every now and then is ok.

Thanks you lot :)

OP posts:
geraldinetheluckygoat · 14/05/2011 23:25

oh that does suck Sad I don't blame you for feeling as you do.

We all wobble, op, wobble away Smile xx

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