To want to be spoken to like I am a human being?

[sparklingchampagne]

Sorry, need a rant!
DH has been for a job interview this week, and he didn't get it :( He has been a bit low, and barely spoken to me, not wanted to hug/kiss me, which I understand, but it makes me a but sad as I'm trying to help.
I have supported him as much as I can - he has done nothing around the house all week (I work f/t, he works p/t) so have basically not stopped all week.

As I said, this wouldn't bother me as I know he's had a tough week.
But the way he's speaking to me at the moment is like I am a piece of shit. He is being nice as pie to everyone else, but not me.Just now he's had a huge go at me, saying I am unreasonable for asking him to wait until after lunch until he sees his friend, and has stormed out of the house.

We never usually argue, and so I am left with the kids asking hundreds of questions about whether Daddy and Mummy still love each other, and why he shouted at me.

Phew. Better after the rant. I would just like to spoken to in a pleasant way!

Aww I feel for you

It can't be easy but sometimes people put on a happy front for others, but feel they don't need to/shouldn't have to for those closest to them...I'm sure that's what's going on here.

As for the kids, just reassure them all you can. It's not always a bad thing for them to learn that adult relationships can have problems too..as long as they get resolved.

That's pretty low to take it out on you- you've done nothing, why should you be his emotional punching bag? I would try and be firm on this, because it's out of line. In my experience things like this are all the more infuriating because when the person acting like this feels better they expect things to go back to normal and expect it to be brushed under the table with nary a word of apology or acknowledgement, with you still feeling upset.

I would make it clear to him that you won't put up with being spoken to this. Tell him you know he's disappointed and is feeling upset but that doesn't excuse what he's doing.

I mean, I think we'd all understand if someone was in a bad mood after a big let down. Here's what I'd find acceptable:

What's understandable:
a) Being down, a bit withdrawn, a little snappier than usual.

What's not:
b) Having a massive go at your partner, stopping all contribution to the household and letting your partner pick up the slack, storming out of the house, creating a situation where your children see their father speaking to their mum like this.

Again, I wouldn't be afraid to defend yourself on this one. Stand firm and tell him to go for a run or something if he wants to work on his stress.

What is he...16?

Yes, he's disappointed but that does not give him the right to stop pulling his weight around the house, nor to speak to you the way he did. You need to make it clear to him his behaviour, especially the way he's spoke to you, is out of order.

Corner him and say 'Stop it!'. Sort of a verbal slap in the face. DH is obviously stressed and taking it out on you. Probably not because he enjoys it, but because he might feel like he is letting you down by not getting the job. Maybe, I dunno. Either way, I wouldn't take it personaly, but I also wouldn't take it.

Show him what you said in your post about the kids reaction
or leave him a note saying you've been asked that question and what should the answer be

Sounds to me like he is depressed or insecure. It is a mans porogitive to provide and work outside the home. Sad but true, he sounds like he needs his ego stroked and a little encouragement and support. Mens emotions are pretty clear cut given that they don't have hormones like us (as bad). Sounds to me like he may need a bit more than a kiss and cuddle, try showing him how much he DOES help you not how he doesn't and that you appreciate his motives but maybe need a little more consideration towards you for your childrens sake. I am just speaking from experience have been in same position and when my dh started working and earning and warranting me not working so much so I was taking care of house hold, things improved. Some men are born househusbands... Some aren't. Don't push for what you will never have, promote what you have, to me it sounds like he wants to be your protector and provider and is allergic to the kitchen sink, that's no crime :) xx

He is taking out on the person who loves and supports him. Not the most mature way to deal with it, I must admit.

But next time he starts yelling, tell him in a calm and collected manner that you are his wife and deserve not to be spoken to in such a manner, and that you will be prepared to continue any conversation once he speaks to you in a more civilised way. Then just walk away from the conversation.

I hope you have a much better weekend and his behaviour/attitude towards you improves.