To say no to learning the clarinet

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My ds is a natural musician, plus puts in lots and lots of practice with no nagging required. He is taking up the clarinet in September.

My dd is not a natural musician, nor will put in the practice. She played the piano for a year, scrapped a pass (101 pass mark 100) for Grade 1, and every term I said to her if you do not up the practice I will not carry on paying for piano lessons.

I would remind her to practice she'd sulk and not do it, so after 3 terms, I stopped the lessons.

3 years later she asked if she could play the trumpet I said yes as long as she practicsed, it was the same scenario as the piano no practice was done, lots of sulking about it was done etc, after a year I stopped the lessons.

A year later she joined Cadets and wanted to be part of the band, and as she still had her trumpet they said she could play that - 2 years later, she avoids going to band practice at the slightest excuse, practices very rarely at home, blames me if she does choose to practice - I can say from 6pm why don't you practice, and she'll say at 10pm she's going to practice then knowing full well her younger siblings are asleep, and I'm going to say no. Then it's my fault that she can't practice!!!

Anyway she now wants to take up Clarinet in September as her brother is - and according to her this she'll practice as she wants to compete with him to see who can be the best. She is ultra competitive he is not. I have no doubt that will be a driving force for her, because I know that a) her brother will be good and b) he will put in the practice.

But I just feel it is a complete waste of my money. She doesn't enjoy playing music, otherwise she'd be doing it for fun, regardless of practice she never sits at the piano to mess around on, or play the trumpet just for fun.

She says I am being unreasonable and not giving her a chance. I've said if she practices her trumpet majority of days until September then I'll let her start the clarinet.

This week (since last Saturday) she has practised once, and she is in a parade today with Cadets, and will just be stood there with her trumpet to her lips not blowing as she doesn't know the songs. So even that incentive to practise hasn't made her do so.

Therefore I'm going to say no to Clarinet - AIBU?

Sorry it's so long wanted to give full picture.

BTW she's 15.

No Yanbu. She's had plenty of chances.

She could pay for the lessons herself maybe?

She wouldn't have the funds to pay for them herself - they are £155 per term.

Does she get pocket money? You could pay in advance and she could pay you back over the term from her pocket money, or by earning cash for jobs

I had a Saturday job by 15 but I appreciate it's not so easy nowadays

YABU. She sounds very keen but is having trouble getting down to the practice - why?

Does she find it hard to plan and organise herself into routines? Did she have a specific time each day that is practice time? Can you ask her what she would find helpful in terms of sticking to a practice routine?

I would say no to her. She is at the age where she will chop and change her mind on a whim at any given moment, like most girls do. I was just the same myself.

I had piano lessons from the age of 4, until I was 10, and progressed quite well, but then other things became more important.

YABU - Some people click with some instruments and not with others. I never enjoyed piano or flute but as soon as I got a guitar and then a mandolin I was away to the races. Give her a chance.

you say her brother has a more natural talent for it. Do you think perhaps she is feeling low because she tries yet cant just get to the same level as him? I know sometimes feeling that way can make you think why bother. then later you get the confidence to try again.

i think you've probably done the right thing, but i think you could also support her more with her trumpet practise to meet your conditions - can you talk to her about practise times? practise places? does she have a music stand etc.
i used to dislike practising my clarinet because i had to do it upstairs in my room and had no music stand.. i know my parents didn't want to listen to me but i felt 'banished' from social family spaces, i am sure i would have practised if i could have done it downstairs somewhere more suitable.

Her younger brother is a lot younger - and her previous attempts at instruments were prior to him first off being born, and then he was too young for lessons.

He has only been having piano lessons since September and is in year 1 took Grade 1 in March with Distinction.

I think what he has done is shown her that practice = results, but unfortunately what he has also shown her is that instant results are possible, but I think that is unrealistic for her.

If it's something she wants to do she is incredibly motivated and focused - she is an outstanding swimmer and gymnast again partly due to talent, but also down to the fact she'll put in the hours to acheive this.

I think music doesn't come naturally and therefore she'd have to work hard at it, but she wants instant results.

She has a music stand for the trumpet, she also has a stand for the trumpet so she doesn't have to keep getting it out of the case.

All musical instruments are in the playroom, where the piano, keyboard, dh's guitars, plus her trumpet are.

She has a practice mute on the trumpet, so that she can use it if others on the computer etc, if she wants to be in with them.

She has an additional music stand in her bedroom, but doesn't play it in her bedroom at all.

I would try to persuade her to give the trumpet another try. Reasons: is is there already, it is easier to maintain (not so mechanical), less squeeky...
I am biased as I play trumpet :)

The answer is no!