To want to cut back on more stuff?

[Madreamer]

I'm a single mom working full time with a 1 year old DS. In trying to streamline our lives and maximise quality time I've done the following. I would like suggestions on how I can bring in more effeciency as I can't think of anything more -

dropped morning tea and breakfast at home - wake up 7:15 and leave 7:45. So We get more sleep...
Stopped cooking dinner myself - hired a lady who cooks in the weekend for the week; helped us in going to bed at 8:15 instead of 9:15 as we get back home most days by 7pm. I Internet for around 1 hr in bed after he sleeps (sanity)!
Bathe together (saves 5 mins as I can dress while he bathes) and counts and together time!
Cook for DS only if he hasn't eaten at CM - which he does 70% of time...otherwise he gets only yoghurt and fruit..
I still co sleep, still breast feed...
What else cAn I drop? X

Madreamer - It sounds like you're doing great. At 1yo most children don't exactly "play", they investigate. And all 1yos throw IME

The only thing I'd change would be to do the cleaning in that 1 hour you internet. 30 mins a day is enough to keep on top of things in our house, so you could still have 30 mins on PC and get to keep the weekends free.

I think you are amazing, although maybe over thinking some of this a bit! If you don't mind me saying so you are sounding a bit over intense in your approach to DS (and i say that as gently as i can, because your intentions are clearly so good). Throwing is a normal part of development, you don't need to 'teach' him to stop it. It is of course great that you want to play, but some of the time being there and being available only if and when he needs it is enough (and good for him).

Saying all that, it sounds like your time is a bit frantic. If you can afford it would your employers consider a small change in hours - say dropping 2.5 hrs a week so you finish 30 mins earlier each day? Or could you finish a bit early and do a specific task from home 30mins per eve (this depends on your job though).

Best of luck, he is a lucky little boy :)

@create, only reason I'm not hoovering is cos he is sleeping...:)..I can do the laundry though at least half of it anyway!

@nomore, he is like a little sponge so I'm trying to teach while he will accept, but he still throws 90% of the time. Maybe I need to stop trying to teach him organised play and join him in the throwing.:). He does love playing with me (and 24/7 in any case - that's his nature). he has been expressing his need for me by clinging more on weekdays - it breaks my heart when he gets like that.
Thinking some more, that's probably the real reason i've moved things to make 1:1 time with him. He needs me!

The biggest savings on time would be moving closer to the station and finding a CM/nursery near the station or near your workplace? A good CM will get them to have regular naps though.

I would hire a cleaner so that you have no cleaning to do all week just laundry.

You don't see him 1/2 hours a day - you have him all to yourself at the weekend. I would try to negotiate a 4 day week as he is so young. Working for yourself may well be more stressful and longer hours, I would think carefully.

Hi Madreamer, I have no real constructive advice but wanted to say well done you sound like a fantastic mother! :)

Darlene - I think that is a pretty unhelpful comment.

Madreamer - I leave home at 7.15 to 7.30 and get home around 6.30pm Mon to Fri - and have a little one, and my DH works too. He has more flexibility than me though. I'm going to space some time by getting contract work but I may also take up another FT job.

I'd be very wary of giving up hours as you say you won't enjoy being broke.

You sound like you are doing fine. And don't listen to those who say rubbish about how can you leave your baby, blah blah blah. They don't walk a mile in your shoes. Also co-sleeping bfing is a way to keep your bond but you might want to consider some form of night weaning, although I have not managed it!

Please remember that you taking and picking up your baby is time well spent!

As to cooking - when your baby is a bit older you can do recipes together that are quick and fun. Very quick pizzas with face like shapes are brilliant. My little one chooses what fruit to go in his fruit salad and so on.

I hope you had a lovely weekend. And I'm sure you make sure that the weekends that you spend together are totally brilliant. Weekends are so precious aren't they?

I really do take my hat off to you.

Oh and by the way I have a friend with a teenage boy who was a single mum and had to work FT with little or no family support. She and her boy are a total inspiration - he is the most lovely on to it teen I know, very bright and hard working and totally in tune with his emotions. He will be starting Uni next year.

One tip - do you have any spare holidays or can you accrue them?

Are you entitled to 5 weeks worth?

I would consider taking a day off a fortnight for a little while, if you can. You get paid - you'll get time with your baby and it might help you recharge your batteries. Just the thought of an extra holiday does the trick for me! Roll on the next bank holiday Monday!

I agree TSC, all sounds a bit too frantic

Although OP I do admire how dedicated you are, he is a lucky boy, I would worry you may burn out

You are an absolute star! Things sound as though you are doing really well.

At his age he is getting loads of stimulation and your undivided attention.

Try and get enough rest, don't worry about it all, you are doing the best you can.

Oh gosh you do sound s bit fraught op! trying to organise every last moment is exhausting!

You sound like a lovely mom with fantastic ideas and intentions but trust me your dc will develop just as well with a half hour wrestle on the carpet and a half hour with a book as any structured stuff you can dream of

Try and drop your shoulders a bit and just let things happen sometimes!

Actually, fiddledees comment has made me realise something, in a few months( time once DS can walk a bit ) I can take him with me on the tube and get him into a nursery near work. doing buggy on tube is too hard, but that won't be needed for long. Also, if I'm close by the quality of nursery is less important. we get to interact during travel time and I can get back and do cooking, etc. The long hours are making me really tired These days.

@anna, sounds like a parallel situation. I freelance and can tell u I sometimes miss the employee perks, especially the time off for sick child bit.
@secondcoming, I have been thinking of taking him swimming, but haven't acted on it yet, may do it from June after our camping holiday. .
All, im going to take your advice and relax a bit more. Admit to being worried about not doing Enof for my DS all the time. We do giggle and laughs and we have a brilliant bond which is the most important thing. I have to stop waking at 3am as well me thinks....:)

Love and stability are the most important things. Like you, I was a single parent working full-time with a huge amount of stress and a nightmare ex who did everything he could to make our lives more hard. I had no family either, it was a very tiring and lonely road and I was on the verge of tears all the time.
My son is now 19 and (admittedly after a few difficult teenage years which now seem to be behind us) and at university, planning to go on and do a Phd. He works, has a girlfriend and is 100% emotionally stable. In fact, he's far more emotionally astute than I am.
You are a wonderfully caring and insightful mother. Your son is lucky to have you. They don't need masses of activities, they need to feel loved and safe.

Thanks Nomedoit, Glad your DS turned out so well! I hope I do half as good a job. I think I'm giving him both love and stability. I'm normally a doormat but for anything that compromises DS I turn into a fierce beast. :D.

Do tell me, when will it start getting easier?

anna- I'm just saying what I did when I was in the same situation as the OP

Can you get a car to cut your commute time? Or negotiate with the CM for her to pick up and drop off at your home? Could you rent your home and rent somewhere closer to work?

I agree with everyone who's said that you should be less hard on yourself. I wouldn't worry at all about teaching him to play with toys or trying to direct his play. Kids all learn at their own pace and it may be that throwing is teaching him exactly what he needs right now (so long as it isn't ruining your furniture or done in anger). Little kids really don't require mass manufactured toys at all. There is nothing all that special or important about stacking cups or shape sorters. What's important is that your DS gets to play an explore. As others have said, just being with you doing ordinary tasks is great for toddlers. My DS2 loves to sit on the worktop and 'help' me cook. He bangs pots about, stirs things, sorts veg into pots and occasionally sneaks a bite or two, etc. He loves it and he learns a lot (and is very keen to try new foods). You can talk about what you're doing, the colours or textures of the food, and anything else that strikes you as interesting. That is as much 'quality' time with you as building towers of blocks, and it will also make him feel like a big boy helping mummy to do grown up things. There is nothing toddlers like more than that.

If you get a baby carrier, you'll find taking him on the tube much easier so you could use a nursery closer to work if you felt that would help. I'd say that the quality of the nursery (or any childcare) is vitally important regardless how close you are though. Good childcare will help your DS to feel secure and support his development, so you won't have to worry so much about covering everything in your time with him. You'll also feel much less guilty about leaving him if you're happy with your childcare and confident that it's right for him.

Hi madreamer think you are doing fab. You can take him to CM or on tube in a carrier (i have an ergo) extends cuddle time which is lovely. But I wouldn't compromise on quality of daycare most important he has a loving responsive carer that he can bond with - not so important whether they 'do' educational activities IMHO.

I know it is all falling on your shoulders so that's hard but remember lots of mums are back at work and have similar amounts of quality time and the babies survive! Good luck and enjoy it.

X-post damsel!

Your situation sounds very similar to mine although my dd is now 4 and I have a shorter commute than you. I work full-time and have no support from anyone. My day goes like this.

7.00 - Get up and get us both ready including breakfast
8.00 - Walk to nursery and work (dd goes by scooter, when it rains we get the bus). DD's nursery is just around the corner from work.
9.00 - arrive at work.
Lunchtime - usually spent organising my life, paying bills, shopping etc
5.00 - Leave work and pick-up dd.
6.30 - Usual arrive time home as we pick up shopping or mess about in the park on the way home.
6.30 - 8.30 - Make dinner, dd often helps or plays or watches TV. Eat dinner, spend time talking, playing, reading books, doing pictures, tickles, hugs etc.
8.30 - dd goes to bed.
8.30 - 12.00 - My time for washing-up, laundry, ironing, cleaning, internet, watching TV, painting and other hobbies.

On Saturday dd has a morning class, then we go for picnics, day trips, events, museums, library, parks, swimming, friends.

On Sunday we relax and do whatever we feel like doing.

You know what, I don't feel guilty about any of this or the amount of time I work. Guilt is not going to get you anywhere good. Negative emotions are only going to make you feel more tired. You are doing as much as you can possibly do for your child and with no support. You should feel very proud of yourself. And, it does get easier.

Have a look at BoffinMum's housekeeping blog, which has various efficiency tips.

@ darlene - current job is only until July so won't change until then, but will probably find a childminder closer to work at the next go.
@everyspring - No I dont wash all my work clothes every week, just his stuff and some of my shirts, don't think there is scope to cut more, but I'm going to check again...
TSC - I'll get him doing some washing then...:D. Am sure he would love it
@Damsel & Squishy - I better check the nurseries well then, but I'm going to start looking for a really good carrier as ds is quite tall and heavy!
@Happy - Your schedule sounds pretty exhausting too (do you actually have energy for hobbies after your DD sleeps :o). Agree with the guilt comment, it does sap me when the feeling comes on

Thanks Pluper, will do