To think he has something to hide

[Ray81]

Ok bit of background. Had some problems with my H misuse of the internet which i found out about this time last yr, it had been going on for a yr. Fake facebook, msn, use of porn etc talking to women ALOT. He said was an ego boost promised to NEVER do it again apologised. I was due to have our DD2 so wasnt very strong and didnt want to end the relationship over it.

This yr he has been giving a girl a lift to work on a sat and i wasnt comfortable with it, never said anything. Then i started working in the same office and she ignores me completely, it has been pointed out to me by 1-3 people that they now behave differently with each other. He always told me they never realy talked and he didnt know much about her.

He still has his own face book account yesterday afternoon i had to ask for his email password and he gave it to me, i wondered if it was the same as his facebook account password and tried it and it was. I never looked at anything just logged in and back out again, thinking i should show some trust not that he deserves it tbh. So this morn i tried to log in again (i dont know why somthing told me to) and it told me the password was changed yesterday at 7pm or there abouts. So he got in from work after telling me the password on the phone and then changed his password then and there. But not the email password.

So i am thinking he has something to hide and i am going to have to say something AIBU or not to think this ?

Sorry, but fake FB and msn would do it for me. Those both require quite a lot of deliberate cunning and desire to be deceitful and go behind other's backs. Its not a spur of the moment thing. Which would tend me to believe that he would cheat if he got the opportunity. I couldn't be with a person like that. I don't see how he can be that good a husband if he is spending so much time on FB and msn anyway. What a load of hassle he sounds.

I have to admit to having a great dislike of men who spend time on msn messaging people. Several strangers/virtual strangers have tried starting such things on FB with me and it annoys the hell out of me. I would never see a man who behaved like this as serious relationship material.

Sorry OP, hope you don't think I'm being too harsh above, its just a personal view about msn.

op there is a way you can get into his facebook account if you can get onto his linked email..

personally i would want to know what he is upto

YANBU to wonder if he has anything to hide.

YABU not to ask him.

You clearly have suspicions and that's not healthy. He lost your trust with the fb/flirting/porn thing last year so needs to ensure he rebuilds it: 'H, what happened last year still bothers me. Is there anything I should worry about?'

We talked last night for a very long time and i told him all my concerns, he was quite happy to log into face book and show me everything including messages. He said he changed the password because its private although admitted it did look sus and i told him he realy didnt have a right to ask for privacy when he did what he did. He does only ever go on it every now and then not al the time at all so i do think he was possibly me being abit overly paraniod.

I talked to him about how i felt about him and this girl at work and he hadnt realised how it looked and assured me he did understand. i asked him to stop giving her a lift to work not only because i am not comfortable with it but because she ignores me and i think it is rude that she cannot even be polite. He has assured me he does not find her attractive at all and he loves me.

I made it clear that i am like this because of what he did, i told him that before that i knew he loved me i trusted him completely and i thought he would never hurt me and he couldnt expect me to get over that in a yr and it would take alot of time for me to trust him not to hurt me again. It knocked my confidence alot.

All in all it was a good night i got alot out about how i feel in the open, i told him i need to be able to tell him how i feel without thinking we are going to get into an argument or him getting into a strop or thinking he needs to 'fix' it.

I realy do think i am being paraniod tbh, he does hardly ever go on fb maybe once a week and a stretch, he hardly ever gos out maybe once every 3 months or so. It is just my insecurties and i do need to work on these.

Thanks for all you input and advise.

Regardless of his actions you have to realise that he does have a right to privacy. Also it sounds as though you need to take responsibility for how you feel and your thoughts instead of blaming him. Tbh it looks like it is all coming from your head and nothing is going on. You are holding him responsible for feeling hurt when he actually hasn't done anything. Sorry to be blunt but you do appear to have issues that you need to address, which you have said yourself. I would try to start to work on these because you will both be alot happier if you do.

I had a similar experience OP. Husband being secretive, being familiar with someone at work, never letting his phone away from his side - we had a really good talk about all my concerns. He assured me he didn't find her attractive and he loved me, and that I really was being a bit paranoid. He was right, I was being paranoid about the woman at work.

Turned out he was shagging my mum.

Just a thought: when you log into facebook, it tells you when you last logged in (so you can see if someone else is logging into your account).

He may have seen that someone had logged into his account - and changing his password would then be the sensible thing to do. (Of course, if that's why he changed it, he'd probably then realised it was you, since he'd given you the password. If he suspected that, would he ask you about it?)

@ BingRugmole

That's great OP. I'm glad you've had a good conversation about it.