AIBU - bed wetting

[ChablisLover]

DS (4) wet the bed last night for the first time. so Changed him & It last night and settled him back now.

Now this morning I have stripped the bed - taken off the mattress cover etc etc to wash it.

DH thinks I'm BU by doing this and should have waited until DS was at nursery this afternoon and also BU by giving him a bath this morning and that I will give him a complex.

DS was upset at bed being upset but has not mentioned being wet cos he never realised - i had gone in to check on him, he was fast asleep but soaking wet.

I don;t think I am BU to change bed first thing as it will take forever for the mattress cover to dry today and gave child bath as I wanted child to be clean and fresh.

Spoke to my mum and she agrees with me.

I just wanted to vent.

Thanks

Of course YANBU, he was lying in urine. How could he not need a bath?!

YANBU Of course you want your child to be fresh and clean. My DD(7) has been a nightmare to get dry at night and still wets her bed occasionally. We always give her a bath and help her to strip her bed before school. We don't make a big deal of it, never give her a guilt complex. We always just accept it as being one of those things and she's never been embarrassed to tell us and just treats it as matter of fact. Its not a dirty little secret that needs to not be spoken about in front of the child. We talk about it with DD when she's had an accident and reassure her its fine, not a problem at all.

yanbu - your dh is being silly and its good your dc learns it isn't something so shameful that it needs to be unspoken - tell your dh repressing and ignoring something is far more likely to give your dc a 'complex'!

He's only 4 ,and unlikely to get a complex about it yet. When he is older, it will be the actual bed-wetting that he feels ashamed of, not the stripping and washing. In fact by brushing it under the carpet, and pretending it isn't happening, you are closing the doors to any discussion of it, in the event it becomes a problem.

Have dealt with two bedwetters in our house, one not dry until 9, the other, 13.

This was the first time he has actually bed wet since potty training.

DH was annoyed cos DS had got upset this morning about the bed. But i think it was more upset at finding the bed in disarray - he;s 4 and likes everything to be just right - rather than the memory of being wet.

YADNBU... I used to bed wet as a child. Bath/shower next morning was standard, I used to make both parents sniff me afterwards to confirm I didn't smell!

If I woke up in the night I would call my parents whilst your DS age, when I got older I would strip the bed, wash myself and go sleep in the spare room for the rest of the night. I would then have another bath/shower in the morning before school.

OP - have you got a waterproof mattress cover? they're a good idea, that way you can re-make the bed pretty much straight away. I have a medical condition which affects my bladder and wet the bed in to my teens, I used to have access to a spare mattress cover and bedding so I could re-make my own bed and sleep the rest of the night in fresh bedding. I had more baths at 3am than I did at normal hours. They're also good if someone vomits or spills a drink on the bed as well.

Honestly it's always best to not make a deal out of it, my Aunt wet the bed until she was 18 and her mother treated her like dirt about it, rubbing her face in it etc. No wonder she wet the bed for so long, she went to bed permanently anxious. My parents never complained, not once. I knew people whose parents would shout and call them a baby for wetting the bed. Horrible.

YANBU. Mintymoo As a child bedwetter myself I can remember going to school stinking of wee. My mum didn't care and used to ignore the teachers when they pulled her up on it. She wouldn't have time to bathe me as she was usually hungover and I would have to feed, dress and walk my siblings to school. When I reached 9 I took it upon myself to run the bath and wash my sheets in the machine. I still got bullied though. My two eldest aren't dry at night yet. I refuse to make them feel bad about it though it is hard work making sure their rooms stay fresh smelling. I only get mildly annoyed if they don't tell me when they've leaked as I like to get the sheets in the wash immediately rather than finding out two hours later. I'd love not to have to spend £240 a year on nightpants. One day...

We used a washable bedmat when ours came out of nappies at night. If you have a couple, you can whip one out and put another in, and the rest of the bed may not need changing - or at least that's what we found.

Tell your dh that it will be far more traumatic for your ds to go to school smelling of stale urine - children will notice and will make remarks - than to have a bath in the morning if he has been wet in the night.

And the more matter-of-fact you are about the whole thing (and it sounds like you are being perfectly matter of fact), the less likely he is to get a complex.

Maybe your dh had bedwetting problems, and it was dealt with badly by his parents, and he is overcompensating because he doesn't want to do the same.

YANBU about giving him a bath.

If stripping the bed was upsetting him you could perhaps have held off until he was out of his room but obviously not unreasonable to want to get the sheets etc washed and dried.

QVC do zip around and 'fitted sheet' style. Wash and tumble dry low setting.Ideal if you have bought new mattresses ,saves them from vomit/coffee/tea/ribena/wee.
Don't know web address QVC.co.uk or something.

YANBU of COURSE he needed to get clean!

You wouldn't leave a bed covered in sick would you? Same thing - best get it in the wash asap!

YANBU to have stripped the bed and given him a bath at the earliest opportunity.

But your DH sounds sweet, though misguided on this, and seems to have concern for his child's feelings at heart.

I don't see why anyone would think that makes him "a prick".

YANBU. No child wants to go to school/nursery smelling of wee and also urine irritates the skin.
It sounds you were matter of fact about it. It's just practical to strip a bed, if it's got urine,vomit, ribena, etc on it and pop it in the wash. Then it can be dry by the time it needs to go back on for tonight.
In defence of your DH perhaps he was just looking at it from one angle and hadn't thought it through. If your lo was upset while you were stripping bed, your DH may have misunderstood the reasons. Sounds like his intentions were good. Not to give your lo a "complex" but some of us disagree with him!
Sometimes (read all the time) my DH and I disagree about the "theories" of parenting but end of day, we both mean the best even if we're not in agreement re the method!!

crossed post

Thanks for this

DH has his best interests at heart but we do disagree on parenting styles. I am DS's main carer - DH works all the hours god sends - so I see it that as I am with him most of the time my rules apply. Plus I am practical when it comes to washing etc etc and can be a tad OCD about hygiene.

Yes, I should have explained to DS why i upset the bed - but have done so now and he seems ok - just explained that mummy wanted the bed nice and fresh for him. He himself has said nothing abuot the wet as I don;t think he realised as he was fast asleep when I went in and found him wet.

WE have a rubber sheet but it was soaking down the side and we had two of those disposable bed mats on the bed also. DS sleeps in the stranges position so think he was lying up against the side when he peed.

Luckily we have a mattress cover that can be washed but given this lovely weather - is sunny and showers - have had to put it over the radiatiors and put the heat on to get it dry. We don;t have a spare bed unfortunately so I need to get it dry by 7.

THink DH problem was he was half asleep when DS got upset and didn;t see the whole picture.

Am off to turn heating on again and turn the mattress cover so i can at least get it dry.

Onwards and upwards