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AIBU?

To not love my new cat as much?

35 replies

MilkandWine · 12/05/2011 13:14

This is going to make me sound awful Sad

Basically I had a beautiful 2 year old British short hair cat called Esme. She was the first pet myself and DP got when we set up home together and I absolutely adored her.

A year ago I found her in our garden with her back broken. The vet said she must have fallen and snapped her spine. There was nothing they could do and we had to have her put to sleep. I was absolutely devestated and I still miss her dreadfully now.

After a few months I bought another BSH kitten as I couldn't stand having no cat in the house and named her Lola. She is lovely as well but no matter how hard I try I can't love her as much as I did Esme. I feel really guilty that I don't care about her as much and like I'm a bad owner and she deserves better. She is not as 'snuggly' as Esme was, doesn't like to sit on your knee, sleep on the bed etc and that makes it much harder to bond with her. Plus she is incredibly naughty and I feel like I spend half my time shouting at her and telling her off.

I'm seriously thinking about rehoming her for her own good as I just don't think I am the right owner for her. Then I feel awful for even thinking it. Am I being unreasonable/a total cowbag?

OP posts:
LaLaLandLady · 12/05/2011 16:29

Grief. It takes all forms. Look, don't be so hard on yourself.

If your partner had died (God forbid) you wouldn't have dashed out and moved another in straight away. Perhaps you replaced Esme a little hastily. I think, as her character developes you'll form a bond with Lola. Hope so.

Bless her, she's not Esme but she IS a puss cat!!

AgentZigzag · 12/05/2011 16:36

My first cat was a housecat for a few months to start with, and she was incredibly naughty when bored.

Like hiding behind the door and when I came into the room she'd jump on my (walking) feet and attack them Hmm

I had to make sure I focused on just playing with her for certain amounts of time throughout the day to stop her, the little minx.

She's 17 YO now, and can still have naughty moments Grin

lesley33 · 12/05/2011 17:53

Just to say to some posters - cats don't make friends with each other, unless it is a much older cat and kitten/young cat. Cats are territorial and solitary animals. If you have more than 1 cat living in your house they will have marked out their own territories in your house. They will not be "friends". They will be putting up with the other cat/s as a price to pay for living with you.

Browncoats · 12/05/2011 21:18

lesley33 - well that's not been my experience. Our two were introduced to each other when they were both 4 and are now best of friends. They play together all day and sleep next to each other all the time.

SecretNutellaFix · 12/05/2011 21:24

milkandwine- it does get better. My girl cat is much less affectionate and much more obstinate than her brother who always has been affectionate. They are now eight and the past 2 years she has become much cuter but she still prefers DH to me. I love her just as much, but a bit differently to any other cat I've had.

Jonnyfan · 12/05/2011 21:25

I have two cats which are half brother and sister (same father different mother), they are almost the same age and get on brilliantly. They cuddle up together at night and one will alert us if the other is shut in a room- or a wardrobe! However, in the past I have introduced a new cat when the existing one was about six and the new one bullied the older one and made her miserable.

Jonnyfan · 12/05/2011 21:27

Also, my female cat is only just beginning to come to me for a cuddle, and she is four. Won't go near DH though!

kbaby · 12/05/2011 23:12

I know how you feel too. We've had 5 cats in total and sadly only 2 are still with us. We had the most stupid, affectionate cat going he was like my own bagpuss but after 5 yes of having him he died from a heart complaint. 4 years later I wanted the same type of temperament cat and after days of researching chose a pedigree kitten specifically for her gentle temperament. However what I hadn't bargained for is that she is so daft and beautiful she can only be a house cat which is a pain and even though she is gentle and the dc adore her she isn't the cuddly cat I wanted. IN fact she never ever purrs. But what she is is a funny, inquisitive cat who gets into so many troubles that we are always chatting about her. She may not be the cat I wanted but she has her own personality that I adore in other ways.
Btw our 2 cats hate each other and only now 2 years later do they tolerate being in the same room. I dream of the day the sit next to each other:)

issey6cats · 12/05/2011 23:31

iknow exactly how you are feeling i had a british short haired called garfield who looked exactly like the whiskas cat he was the most georgous cat i ever had in my life and we loved him to pieces, BSHs are not noted for being lap cats and garfield was like lola would sit next to you but not on laps, sadly he got run over last year and 3 months later i adopted blue who is a young half siamese totally different to garfield very affectionate, loving lap cat and much as i adore blue i would give anything to have garfield back i still miss him and his funny little faces he pulled and the way he used to come in shouting out how he had captured a great big dangerous leaf or twig, i have six cats and the four in the middle of the range all sleep together on a big bed in the bathroom together at night, the two older ones are a pair of victor meldrews who dont like the others

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 13/05/2011 00:16

I too know how you feel. I lost a beloved cat far too young (run over) and have two cats left. One is loving, cuddly, thick as a plank Grin and loves me above all others. The other is feisty, can't pick her up , doesn't lap sit and I have found it much harder to love her...

BUT..she's 11 now and as she ages she is gradually becoming much more loving. No she doesn't cuddle, but she sits near me and purrs, she rolls in the street when she sees my car pull up, she walks round the bath tub to stare in horror at my furless body Grin and with every passing year she has become more affectionate in her own way.

Sometimes you just have to wait for them to love us is their own way...:)

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