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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hearing about DP's past makes me cringe

26 replies

ItsAllSoGreen · 11/05/2011 14:59

When my current DP tells me about his past I can't help but cringe, he sounds like the kind of person me and my ex used to laugh about.

Some of the things he's told me about him and his ex wife are:

They decided to have a baby 3 months after knowing each other so that they'd find it easier to get a house with the council.

They got into a lot of debt so thought they may as well carry on getting debt as it was all going to end up being written off in bankrupcy anyway

They decided fostering was a good way to make some extra money so actually went through the process up until the visit from SS at which point they pulled out and realised it maybe wasn't such a great idea after all

Their marriage consisted of a quick ceromony at the local council estate church with no guests, no reception and a simple disposable camera for the photos as it was "cheaper that way"

They decided to get their daughter christened so she could go to the catholic school

The thing is, as he tells me about their past it seems it was years of scamming, money scraping, stupid ideas and half baked ideas and sometimes I still see some of this stuff in him now. For instance I found a box of football cards in the loft. His daughter shouted "oh no! are we doing the football card thing again dad?" he shushed her but I later found out he and his dd used to sit opening packets and packets of football cards, taking out the special ones and selling them at car boot sales for something like 50p profit.

When I hear this stuff I can't thinking that they sound like a family of saddos! (not the dd obviously, its not her fault). AIBU? it's making me question us being together tbh and I know it sounds shallow

OP posts:
NeverSayPie · 11/05/2011 15:01

Why are you with a man you seem to loathe? I would too, btw, he sounds fucking awful, but I wouldn't give him the time of day.

belgo · 11/05/2011 15:01

If you don't respect him,, then why are you with him?

ZZMum · 11/05/2011 15:01

well before we dive into judgementville, tell us his good points...

squeakytoy · 11/05/2011 15:02

Well it would certainly put me off someone. He sounds like a character off Shameless. :(

ItsAllSoGreen · 11/05/2011 15:02

have to go and pick up ds from school but will be back later with his good points.

OP posts:
CravingExcitement · 11/05/2011 15:04

Council estate church Shock

TobyLerone · 11/05/2011 15:04

What belgo said. I would find it difficult to respect him, and therefore would not be with him in the first place.

Btw, the marriage part of his 'bad points' seems reasonable to me. The rest, not so much.

minipie · 11/05/2011 15:09

Hmmm. YANBU. What reason do you have to think he's changed - does he criticise his past views/behaviour?

(Agree with TobyLerone - nowt wrong with a cheap wedding - but the rest doesn't sound good).

goatshavestrangeeyes · 11/05/2011 16:20

IMHO i think you are being a tad snobbish. At the end of the day it is in his past and if he is no longer like that then why are you so bothered?

QuackQuackBoing · 11/05/2011 16:26

The having a baby to get a council house and fostering for money would be enough to put me straight off! Why are you with him? He seems to have no idea of responsibility when it comes to kids.

Hullygully · 11/05/2011 16:27

Is he extraordinarily well-hung?

Bloodymary · 11/05/2011 16:39

Sorry OP, but only a moron would think about fostering as a way of making money.

CFAW · 11/05/2011 16:49

Is this a joke?

Hassled · 11/05/2011 16:51

Listen to the voice of sanity in your head. People do change, but they don't change that much.

largeginandtonic · 11/05/2011 16:54

Are you temporarily insane?

Quick tell us something good about him before we start shaking sense in to you.

shirl2010 · 11/05/2011 16:56

wow this is your husband? even if he did these things the fact you are writing about him in this way shows you have such little respect for him, this is no small thing. Imagine if he read the thread Confused

expatinscotland · 11/05/2011 17:03

And you're with him why?

As for the wedding, why on Earth is that a point on which to judge someone? I find weddings a foolish waste of money. We eloped to our nearest registry office (it wasn't on a council estate, however Hmm).

Jemma1111 · 11/05/2011 17:06

Itsallsogreen

Ok, so maybe your Dp has had some daft ideas, who hasn't?, but I think you should concentrate more on how he treats YOU and respects YOU.

If hes not abusive, never been into drugs, etc and is a loving dad to his kids and he makes you happy I can't see the problem.

Remember, there are alot of aresholes in all walks of life so give this guy a chance!

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 11/05/2011 17:24

Good points?

To make up for that lot - especially fostering to make money, ffs. Angry That's a vulnerable CHILD he's using to make a buck! - he'd have to be hung like a donkey, have the ability to turn water into wine and have begun shitting money.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 11/05/2011 17:25

was considering using, that should really read.

zandy · 11/05/2011 17:43

Does he know anyone called Sharon?

AttillaTheMum · 11/05/2011 19:29

well......

ShoutyHamster · 11/05/2011 20:46

He sounds grim. Possibly amusing, but grim.

chicletteeth · 11/05/2011 21:06

You don't sound as if you even like him.
Why are you with him? He must have some good points surely

PumpkinBones · 11/05/2011 21:09

Need to hear good points. I bet everyone here could list 5 things about their partners (and themselves) that makes them sound like a complete arsehole