I have just read an old thread about the perils of approaching parents when there is an issue between their child and your child. It rang a bell? My DD (aged 6 at the time) was refusing to go to school last November/ December because she was being targeted by another girl. This girl was not picking on her, just not understanding that DD didn't want to play the same game over again. My DD went along with this and reluctantly spent playtimes with this girl. She then dealt with it by trying not to go to school, telling me 'I don't want to play with?..?. She ended up staying home for three days over a 2 week period as she got in such a state. I told the school why and at first they seemed quite sympathetic and said they would ?work with? the other child.
I was reasonably friendly with the girl's parents and I also knew from chats with the mother that there had been 2 previous incidents with other parents concerning their DD. I stupidly/ arrogantly thought this made it 'safer' to talk to them, as they would see a ?pattern?.
However, it backfired massively. At first the parents said that they would ask the school to help.
I also raised it repeatedly with DD's teachers, who eventually told me that they would tell my DD and the other child not to play together at all.
I approached the girl's mother and said that the school had told me that they would keep the girls apart. She then said that her DD had told her that she had never played with my DD anyway, so she couldn't help me.
Everything seemed to settle down for a term, my DD was much happier and her work improved a lot.
However, my DD's teachers recently approached DH and me, telling us that this girl's parents were very upset - their DD was being shunned by the rest of the class, had no friends, never got invited to anyone's house etc. The parents apparently thought that other children and parents knew there had been a problem with my DD and were therefore avoiding the girl.
The teachers said that they had never seen any problem between my DD and this girl (although the incidents were at playtimes, which get monitored by staff other than teachers). They said that the improvement in my DD?s work and confidence since they told them to stay apart was probably just coincidence.
Being a glutton for punishment, I approached the girl's father in the playground and said I was unaware that his DD was unhappy. I got an earful back, with him telling me that my DD had made the whole thing up in order to pick on their child. He said their daughter had never played with mine. Their daughter hadn?t got any friends because this situation had stopped other parents wanting their children to play with his child, because they had heard she was trouble. I tried telling him that they hadn't heard it from me (I don't think this child is 'trouble' I don't think she means any harm). But I just got back a load of comments that their lives were 'full of sadness' etc. I felt really shocked and tried to tell him that my DD's upset was as real as his DD?s but he wouldn't listen and just said that my DD had done it on purpose and went on about how their lives had been made miserable etc. I?m still really shaken.
The school won't really say one thing or another to me, just that they want both girls to be happy and for me to try not to worry. The only 'evidence' I have had is from a lunchtime member of staff who I know quite well. I asked her whether she has seen this child and my child together. She said that yes she had seen them together a lot around the time that this all started. She added that she believed this other child has problems with friendships. I have kept this information to myself as I have already been accused by the father of branding the child as ?trouble?. But actually I think this child has some kind of problem with social ability.
Last week, my DD came home and said that her teacher had told her that she and the girl 'are allowed' to play together again. I am worried that the whole problem will re-start. My daughter has been playing just with this girl again - similar sorts of (non) games. I risk more of the same if I complain to the school. Even I would not be masochistic enough to approach the parents again.
AIBU to think the parents are wrong to blame me/my DD for their child?s difficulties?
But there isn't much of the school year left. Next year the girls will be in separate classes (it is a large school). Should I just put up and shut up? I have generally found the school good ? it gave DC1 (who has now moved up) a good education. My DD2 can be on the ?sensitive? side. But I think the parents will blame us for years to come for any problems their DD has. I?m tempted to find another school and get right out of it.