to fear that opting out of the child health surveillance system will lead to me being referred back to social services?

[WinstonDuncanSmith]

I posted yesterday about how my (as yet still unborn, but due in 3 weeks) DC2 already has on his/her records details of allegations made against me with regard to DC1 - in the section asking for siblings on the child protection register - even though DC1 was never on the CP register and even though the allegations relating to DC1 were proven as unfounded.

Having spoken to the health visitor and the PCT in question, it seems as though hell will freeze over before they agree either to amend the records to reflect the facts of what took place, or to reorganise the records to clarify that DC1 has never been on the CP register. My only recourse is the Information Commissioner, and that's not going to get me anywhere before DC2 is born.

So it feels as though my only option is simply to opt out of the entire system and refuse to see the HV, simply to let DC2's records gather dust in a forgotten archive. I know that I'm entitled to do so, but I've also heard anecdotally that many women who try end up being referred to SS and investigated as potential child abusers.

Realistically, how likely would this be to happen?

All experiences welcome.

bluepaws If that's how you feel then please go and comment upon a thread whose original poster you believe

everyone else thanks.

I think the consensus I'm getting is not to opt out and to keep doing whatever I need to do to keep the HV happy and off my back. It does make sense.

xstitch but are your children facing continued monitoring until adulthood?

Not every allegation results in an investigation, not every investigation results in a child being registered. Sometimes allegations are unfounded either because they are malicious or well intended but 'misguided'.

Sometimes, children aren't CP registered because they don't need that level of intervention but are supported through other means because it is recognised that the family requires some support, but that the child is not at significant risk. The intention here is that CP registration will be avoided altogether.

If in the OP's case, there were 'issues' but that these are being/have been address on a less formal basis than CP registration, then it would be necessary/appropriate for the new HV to know, because, presumably they would be involved in monitoring the children until they start school/reach the age of 18.

I think people often don't realise just how heavy handed the HV service can be if your baby is seen as not developing as would be expected. I had a friend whose baby was tiny - she was as good a mum as any of us, she was caring for him well and feeding etc etc but the HV's were ALWAYS dropping in unexpectedly, they were really on her back. I imagine if she had ever missed an appointment that they would have been on her like a ton of bricks.

I don't blame them - of course they cannot know whether the baby is naturally tiny or whether some neglect or some health problem is going on; they have to keep an eye, how else will they find out? They wouldn't be doing their jobs if they didn't monitor.

It's hard I think for those of us who have not had this kind of hairy eyeball from the HV service to imagine it so we think "there must be something you're not telling us".....not necessarily!

Health Visitors vary enormously, my one was more concerned as to wether or not little girl was wearing knickers (then age 3, and indoors), never mind the fact that her alcoholic sperm doner father was threatening me with all sorts.

winston play the game.

If the LA do still have underlying concerns about your DC, then don't give them any reason to act on them.

If not, then there is nothing to worry about anyway.

I think most people feel under the scrunity of the HV anyway. I know I certainly did.

Good luck with the new baby.

If people want to suspect me that's entriely their prerogative. But I fail to see how that's conducive to any sort of constructive discussion on this thread.

That said, if I had been on MN two years ago and had heard the sequence of events I have been through described another poster, I would certainly have suspected them too.

Sorry OP but AIBU is not the place for constructive discussion. We all have the lesson to learn at some point.

True. But I live in hope, nevertheless.

teachermummy I can guarentee that it will never stop until my dd reaches adulthood. If it ever calms down any XH will think up a new complaint. He never gets the truth get in the way of making things difficult for me.

IME every allegation is investigated fully,no matter how ridiculous. eg the first complaint against me was 'child abandonment' for having the audacity to haemorrage during child birth necessitating the MW looking after dd until I regained conciousness.

I agree that it is simply going to be best to just get on with normal HV appointments and show that you are a good Mum.

I do understand your concern though. I have never had any SS involvement, despite my son having Downs syndrome, as I simply didn't feel the need. However, at my antenatal booking appointment last year a referral was made by the booking midwife due to me having had PND with my first son (14 years prior, 2 DC but no PND since!) and several bouts of depression since then. Even though I knew I had nothing to hide, I did get a bit panicky and in my irrational pregnant state worried they would try and take my baby. In the end I decided to ring SS and they agreed they didn't need to see me, but as I had been referred they needed to act and would it be OK if they contacted my GP for information, to which I agreed. That was the end of it thankfully.

I hope the birth of your baby goes well and you don't get too stressed over this.

I can believe it. I'm really sorry you're going through this too.

Another one here saying register. Do the minimum HV first meeting and then the 9-12 month check (unless that has changed). Maybe a couple of weighings in between. You will be seen by the practice nurse for vaccinations anyway at 2, 4 and 6 months. See your GP if you have concerns about your child's health. Get yourself out and about to baby & toddler groups if that is your thing - maybe baby massage, again, if it's your thing. I am not an HV but work with HVs quite a bit and CP people in the local council. They are all massively overworked. Yes, some HV give --dodgy- suspect advice on bf but generally they are not out to trap parents. Withdrawing from the system entirely does mean that if any health problems arise. If you are thinking about bf, get your info from a BFC or peer supporter.

I can understand your wariness but really openess is the way to go. If you have nothing to hide, then make it obvious. Someone else has mentioned your MP, which seems like a good idea with regard to at least getting some sort of statement on your file. AFAIK, with CP records, once something is on there, it will stay, even if disproven, just in case new evidence emerges later. But I do not work in CP and do not have direct access to CP records.

sorry Winson, everyone is being very nice & jolly about this but I am of the opinion that there is a whole lot you are not telling us...

Then at least have the courtesy to spell my name correctly

at my antenatal booking appointment last year a referral was made by the booking midwife due to me having had PND with my first son (14 years prior, 2 DC but no PND since!) and several bouts of depression since then. Even though I knew I had nothing to hide, I did get a bit panicky and in my irrational pregnant state worried they would try and take my baby. In the end I decided to ring SS and they agreed they didn't need to see me, but as I had been referred they needed to act and would it be OK if they contacted my GP for information, to which I agreed. That was the end of it thankfully. Luckily for you it ended that way. Makes you wonder about patient confidentiality and all that. Probably doesn't exist at all under the NHS. Do they have the right to share all the information they have on you freely with any other agencies? I've seen some posters in the past hesitate about approaching their NHS GP about depression especially if there is SS involvement with their children. I don't blame them for thinking that way. Don't get me wrong, the NHS is great for some things. At least in this country you don't hear of people being bankrupted due to medical costs of cancer treatment, heart problems, etc. But its like a double-edged sword.

Sorry about incomplete sentences and dodgy strikethroughs

Oh and good luck with the new baby. It will be a new start

xstitch Well clearly that's just ridiculous and must be a constant stress for you. What a charming XH!

I'm really wary of saying something that appears to trivialise your situation or offend you because you obviously have a pretty difficult time of it. But your situation will continue until adulthood because your XH keeps kicking it into life. I'm surprised the LA haven't flagged him as someone whose allegations can't be trusted. But each time they are investigating an allegation.

Where investigations have been completed and put to bed, and files are never opened again, I can't imagine why the LA would want to follow up with 18 years of additional monitoring. There are thousands of children in the country who are on the CP reg, imagine how many others have been de-reg or never been reg. There wouldn't be enough hours in the year to provide additional monitoring for all of them until adulthood.

His mum works for SW they will make sure it is never closed no matter what. AFAIK, they have a duty of care to investigate any allegation no matter how stupid and obviously malicious it may be. Just in case it is hiding something else. It makes me angry on many levels because as you say the service is over stretched and any time they spend looking at me is time not spent looking at a child in genuine danger.

CFTB thanks

tiger It's a complicated system, and certainly a double-edged sword which doesn't support mothers with PND.

Oh , I hadn't even thought about the possibility of getting PND. But I'm aware that just because I didn't with DC1 doesn't mean I won't with DC2. Oh .

Ooops didn't mean to put that in capitals.

And aain, with regard to xstitch, I am all too well aware how having family 'working in the system' can make a difference, both positive and negative.

tiger under safeguarding, they should share information with all relevant agencies where children are involved. The idea being that early intervention is best and offering families support at an early stage is preferable to coming in all guns blazing with a court order at a later date. For example, if a school knows a parent suffers from depression then the teacher can keep an eye on the child for signs the parent may be struggling, eg changes in behaviour, and step in to support the child and/or the parent. e.g. offering a chance to talk, extra support in school.

Unfortunately though, it is a system created by humans and administered by humans and is, therefore, subject to human error. This means some SW are overzealous and many parents perceive SS as the Child Catcher.

xstitch is there not a way you can escalate the situation? I can't imagine the service director going along with this. His mum is risking her career too, surely!

Have you tried challenging the situation?

Without knowing xstich and her situation, I would advise caution. Putting in complaints can make it seem to SS as though the complainant has something to hide and (perhaps in the same way as me wanting to opt of of the system) can engender further suspicion.

Been to court and everything but he has rights. I apparently have none.

It definitely does winston which his why I need to keep a record of almost everything, no life at all tbh.