My child can't go but her's can....

[Backinthebox]

I used to go to a training camp each year for horses and riders aiming to succeed at a high level of competition. I enjoyed it, enjoyed the evening drinkies too, and got a lot out of it. When I had a baby I took her along to the camp, and my mother to look after my baby, and two horses, and my friend to help with the horses. I had fun and learnt lots (clearly enough to impress one instructor who named me as best student of the day on the first day.) As the sessions went on people started to complain about my daughter's laughing and playing sounds spooking their horse. One woman in particular said my buggy scared her horse so much it couldn't concentrate on his lessons. I was told if I wished to take part in subsequent training camps I would have to leave my child at home in future as she was a distraction to certain people even when she was doing nothing more than sleeping quietly in her buggy outside the arena. So I haven't been back since - I work away from home and can't justify leaving small children without me for potentially 3 weeks at a time for my own enjoyment.

This year it turns out the pram-hating complainer has had a baby of her own and is bringing him to the camp and 'hopes noone minds.' Well, I do, just because. AIBU?

Take the high ground. Now she is a different situation she has acted differently. Take your DC when u want to, assuming they behave ok.

Perhaps you could lodge mother and DD in accomodation nearby so you get to see her at the beginning and end of the day. Is it essential that DD is a spectator or could nan take her off out for the day?

Vey tempting to send a letter to the organiser citing concern over the health and safety issues surrounding baby equipment at an Equine event and your concern that other paying students enjoyment and ability to learn could be impacted. Then cc it to the other woman.

Very irritating!

Well I don't bury my bones deeply (and this has caused me a lot of trouble over the years). I would write a letter, cc her in, and use the exact same phrase(s) she used to you. She will know what you are on about!

No I would be really pissed off tbh.

Yanbu

The problem is, when you're childless, you just don't see things the same way as parents do, do you? How could you? I used to think it was weird to see babies being breastfed in restaurants (proceeded to EBF both my DDs anywhere and everywhere including very posh restaurants where MIL used to try and cover me up!), I hated being sat next to babies and toddlers on planes and would not-so-subtley scowl through the whole journey (now I know the parents' pain is far worse than any other passengers, and try to actively entertain others' babies and kids on planes if I can, to help out!)... you just have no idea...

So, yes, she was being unreasonable back then and unreasonable now if she thinks she can take hers but you can't take yours still. So just go along to the camp with your own DC and bond with her as she is now a mum and part of your tribe...

I know I'm going to sound petty but I would complain about her the same as she did about you, why should it be one rule for everyone else and another rule for her?

but it wasnt just one person complaining about the child being there, it was "people"

YANBU.

I'd complain as well, but I'm petty too.

I don't buy the excuse of not thinking when you haven't got children. It's not beyond the wit of any normal person to put themselves in the place of a woman with a child for 30 seconds.

I don't intend to do anything about it - I just don't go any more but am still a member of the club and go on the member's forum, and the 'I hope noone minds' comment got right up my nose. You're right, 'people' did complain, but even more came up to me and complimented me on how well-behaved my child was (shame the horse was naughty. Noone minded that though!)

Ws her horse really spooked? Why did she not just walk the horse over and let the horse sniff, explore the pram. I have done this when my ex horses have been spooked by bags, pigs, sheep etc.

Amusingly, in the de-spooking session we had on the last day, the trainer (from the mounted police) asked to borrow my buggy. You get buggies a county shows.

I'm afraid I would find it very hard to take the high ground on this one. It might be different if her comment on the forum had said something along the lines of needing to bring her baby, and realising now why others had brought their babies along in the past, and apologising for complaining then, before asking if anyone minds her bringing her baby.

As it is, she sounds utterly self-absorbed and unaware of others, and I would find it nigh impossible to resist the temptation to comment, using the phrases she used to you, Backinthebox.

I'd have to post something on the forum, of I'd explode. Maybe along the lines that she can hope, but people have minded in the past, her included.

Or perhaps - "well if no-one does mind, I'd like to bring my DD too as I have missed the training camps". Not directly criticising, but just flagging up to everyone the disparity (and maybe getting you back to camp).

You people are bad. I've just commented over there that she should be a bit careful with her buggy as some horses find them spooky. I'll be banned forever now.

I am bad, Backinthebox. Bad to the bone. I feel sorry for my children, frankly!!

Btw - am loving the thought of a 'spooky' buggy - haunted, maybe??

Why cut off your nose to spite your face? Congratulate her, say you're looking forward to meeting her baby. Then say how pleased you are that the organisation has changed its policy on bringing children as you've missed being able to come to the event for the last few years due to childcare issues and are really looking forward to being able to come this time along with your dc.

You get your training meetup, she gets to bring her dc, you get to bring yours, everyone wins.

I like your style, manatee . :)

Got a reply - apparently pushchairs are now allowed in certain areas. Would seem it is all to do with faces fitting and all that.

I left competing a little while back, and just hunt now. The hunting folk seem to be much happier with the circle of life and that fact that that means children too. Me and my kids have been welcomed with open arms there. It just rankles me that they changed the rules to ban kids when I had one and then changed it back when the main complainer had one.

I agree with Manatee. (how do you like to be abbreviated btw?)

Couldn't you think of it not as her changing the rules to suit herself, but coming to the realisation that she was wrong to have banned buggies in the first place?

I would respond to her personally saying how pleased you are she is bringing baby along as you now feel comfortable to bring dc along too after avoiding it for a couple of years as you felt dc were not welcome!

I second Sonnet's suggestion.

agree with manatee. Maybe when you see her at the event you can make some sort of tongue in cheek comment on how well her horses are doing not spooking at the buggy, considering how much it upset her and the horse last time you were there with your buggy! FFS there are usually spooky flags and generators and things at shows. If her horse has been road hacked, is on the aids and properly schooled he won't be spooking at a buggy. Just shows the slightly more precious nature of the average competitor compared to the average hunter.