DM and I have a complex relationship, as she (I believe) shows all the hallmarks of NPD and was not great when we were kids. I have done a lot of work on enforcing boundaries and I accept no real help/ money etc from her as there are always strings attached. Anyway, we get on OK now, but I have just had DD (now 14 weeks) who is her first DGC. She is desperate to get her hands on her (alone) and I have been very very doubtful although want her to have a role. Anyway (to cut a v long story short) we were out for lunch today and I tentatively mooted the prospect of her having the baby for half a day next year when I go back to work. She said "great - I love babies". I said that I felt she was very good with babies but she seemed to struggle with us when we started talking. She said it wasn't that, it was when we started being difficult - particularly me, who she described as defiant. Not like my sisters, who were 'subserviant'. I said I didn't want to raise my child to be subserviant, nor did I consider a child having a voice to be 'defiant'. She laughed it off and her and DSis changed the subject. Not long after, she half jokingly (but not) suggested that I put some of her carrot and coriander soup on my finger to put in the baby's mouth. This is not the first time she has made this kind of comment and I have explained carefully that things are different now and I will start with babyrice in a few weeks. Anyway I made it very clear that some cafe bought salted soup is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE for a 14wk baby. She back-pedalled but I am sure she will do stuff like this all the time if I leave baby with her.
AIBU to do a u-turn and put DD in childcare and do I have to explain why to DM?