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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's up to the person how much they put into a kitty for a retirement present isn't it?

26 replies

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 12:20

One of the 5 people who work in the office DH works in is retiring, and it's been decided, while he was on holiday, that everyone is putting in £20 each.

There are more people in the company, and the two bosses are putting in £150 each, but I was always under the impression that it was up to the person putting in the cash how much they decided to put in.

Some people have more dependents than others, or less money, or whatever, it's not for someone else to choose how much you can spare for a person you're not related to or chosen to be friends with.

And even if it was a friend or relative, you'd at least expect to be asked if that's OK by you before it was set in stone.

DH isn't happy about it but doesn't want to look like a tightwad, and it doesn't sound as though they can do anonymously because they'll know someone's not paid the full amount.

Goodness knows what they're thinking of getting her for at least £400, she must have been a fucking good worker Grin

What do you think?

OP posts:
YusMilady · 10/05/2011 12:22

YANBU. £20 is taking the piss. I wouldn't put that in a kitty for myself!

FabbyChic · 10/05/2011 12:23

I do believe it is up to the individual to decide, generally speaking I'd put in a fiver and be done with it.

It isn't fair to say how much people should contribute, that is fairly shit and not the way it is done.

tallulahxhunny · 10/05/2011 12:23

im sure he doesnt HAVE to give, its not being taken out of his wages is it?

but i do agree £20 is a bit steep

domesticslattern · 10/05/2011 12:23

What would your DH consider reasonable? He should just decide ASAP and quietly tell the person who is collating the cash, as soon as possible in case a particular present is planned.

nickelbabe · 10/05/2011 12:25

I agree too - a fiver would be fine.
fair enough if it's a small company to consider putting in more, but yes it's up to the person giving to decide how much to give.

that's the whole point of a gift - it's your choice.

DoMeDon · 10/05/2011 12:25

As a general rule I would expect to put in what I wanted. In a small office I wouldn't mind a discussion (which involved ALL of us) to agree an amount.

If I had known her a long time, worked in a small office and people weren't retiring every 5 mins - I would think all putting in a reasonable sum under agreement would be a good plan.

Not something I would get het up over but Y-DH-INU to feel put out.

Julesnobrain · 10/05/2011 12:26

I guess if it is a small office they wanted to make sure everyone didn't just put in a £1 and then they couldn't get her anything. However £20 is a bit steep but I think your DH is right, he will look like a tight wad if he refuses.

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 12:31

I would have said put in £10 had he asked me how much I thought, because it is a small office and it'd be embarrassing to present her with some bit of tat for £25 (if the bosses hadn't put in as well).

But apart from the fact that they've spent his (and my) money without asking, it's the principle of them thinking they can decide for everyone.

He thinks it's one woman who'd decided it and the others have gone along.

It's for a nice reason and I don't think they left him out on purpose, perhaps just being thoughtless?

OP posts:
Sarsaparilllla · 10/05/2011 12:33

Cheeky buggers, I think it's up to the individual how much they want to put in (if anything)

DoMeDon · 10/05/2011 12:37

Probably just a chat - "I think we should all put in £20" - "Jan's been here years" - "Oooh yeah, fine by me" - "Oh OK then" - "Did smoeone say £20!!". My old friend was the office organiser and often told stories of things she'd suggested made everyone do. I was always greatful we didn't work together as it would have been awkward when I said shove it no!

rockinhippy · 10/05/2011 12:39

taking the P' it should be up to the individual how much - for all sorts of reasons not just financial Hmm

I used to run a company & that was always how it was done - the only person who was ever told how much - was the company owner - he could afford more & was a bit tight at times, so needed a nudge in the right direction:)

hammybobs · 10/05/2011 12:39

Angry this is a real bug bear of mine too. I work in a large office and am sick of the number of envelopes that go round for collection, usually some muppet has deemed an appropriate amount and I end up looking like a tight wad when I don 't put in the requested amount. This month alone, we have had 2 40ths, 2 weddings, one maternity leaver, 2 people leaving the dept and 1 30th. Oh, and a collection for the boss for easter too. It's getting ridiculous. I refuse to put in the £5 or £10 that is written down as the amount required. I'm lucky if I can spare a pound for each - lone parent, low wage - I just can't stretch to pay even £5 to all of these collections.

YANBU

canyou · 10/05/2011 12:42

It seems a bit steep but then again if they are a close knit office and friends would you spend that much on a gift for a friend.
Where I work we hand in Euro3 per week for a social fund which takes care of retirement gifts, baby gifts and nights out. Maybe he should suggest that they do something like this in future.

boilingpoint · 10/05/2011 12:42

blimey! i never have a spare £20 for myself let alone to put in a kitty for someone! I would do a maximum of a £5er and thats if i liked the person!

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 12:42

Bloody hell hammy, I'd be fucked off too!

For the boss for easter Shock Confused For what? To get him some easter eggs or something??

Sounds like someone's letting the collection power going to their head and they're making up reasons to collect cash.

OP posts:
canyou · 10/05/2011 12:44

It seems a bit steep but then again if they are a close knit office and friends would you spend that much on a gift for a friend.
Where I work we hand in Euro3 per week for a social fund which takes care of retirement gifts, baby gifts and nights out. Maybe he should suggest that they do something like this in future.

ScousyFogarty · 10/05/2011 12:47

yes, it down to personal choice. There van be pressure in some work situations

MercurySoccer · 10/05/2011 12:49

Fine to organise a kitty, very rude to tell people how much they "should" put in.

hammybobs · 10/05/2011 13:06

Aye agentzigzag, 'twas for an easter egg and some beer. A personalised easter egg, an enormous one, from Thorntons. For all his hard work. The office arse-licker decided it was appropriate. I got a rolo easter egg in return - a reject 'cos they over bought for some charity egg donation. There is a huge divide financially where I work - full timers are very well paid, and don't think anyone else might not be as flush as them. I'm just a hard nosed biatch now, and couldn't care less if they think 50p is me being miserable. Mostly I'll put in £1, but I've been known to scrape the bottom of my stationary drawer for some smash Grin just to 'contribute'.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 10/05/2011 13:15

YANBU. I got an email last week from the class mum telling me to send 25 euros with DD next week for the end of term present. I emailed her back and declined.
We got off lightly though, the other year group class has two teachers. They have to send 50 euros.

EverythingInMiniature · 10/05/2011 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MackerelOfFact · 10/05/2011 13:23

YANBU at all. In my office we just put in whatever change we have - if it's someone I particularly like or has particularly helped me out I might stick in a note, but I don't think I've ever given more than a fiver.

The only exception would be if a small group of us (ie. not the whole office) had predetermined a gift in mind. Then we'd agree to split it X ways. But as I say, I've never given more than a fiver!

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 13:24

Yes, but he worked hard EIM Hmm (at the boss not you EIM)

You couldn't have worked as hard hammy cos you only got a shitty reject egg Grin

That's worthy of a thread on it's own kreecher, cheek of the highest order.

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/05/2011 13:44

I've worked with a few intolerable folk where, left to my own devices, I'd be taking money out of the collection pot.

I'm of the view that workmates should be free to donate as little or as much as they want to any collection for a colleague.

Unfortunately it's often the case that one opinionated asshole well-meaning individual takes it on themselves to dictate terms/decide on the gift - and it's usually the case that I'd gladly donate if they were leaving.

Where it would totally have gone against the grain to give anything, I've wriggled out of it by smiling sweetly and saying how I wished I'd been asked earlier but I've made arrangements to give something to the departing one privately (namely, my sincere hope that my trust in karma is not misplaced).

Unless the departure fortuitously coincides with my planned leave. I then offer a small donation to the cost of a collective card solely so that the absence of my name doesn't stick out like a sore thumb, .

Snorts · 10/05/2011 14:21

We have 54 people in our office, and a receptionist who keeps careful track of all birthdays and sends the cash collection envelope around for them all. I could not afford even 5 quid per time really each year. I have a personal policy where I put in 1 pound only, no matter who. (Except for one woman who retired who was a liar, a backstabber and a scapegoater. Then I carefully crossed my name off the list after pretending to put money in. Because I'm a cow really.)

But seriously everyone gets a present each year worth some serious bucks, even if EVERYONE only puts a pound in. It is silly.