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to think that "happy mother equals happy baby" is a stupid thing to say and actually...

24 replies

seeker · 10/05/2011 12:03

..."happy baby equals happy mother" is a much more sensible way round.

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 10/05/2011 12:04

Well, YANBU to think it, since it's opinion based, but I very much do not agree. :)


Hopefully · 10/05/2011 12:06

Yup, definitely for us! DS1 never seemed remotely concerned by me sobbing with exhaustion/pain while persevering with BF, and was perfectly happy! The only times he was unhappy, in fact, was when I got someone else to take him out the house so I could have a break for my happiness. So for us, happy mummy equalled unhappy baby!

Think happy baby happy mother is sensible and (generally) true though Smile


sunshineandbooks · 10/05/2011 12:09

YABU - both sayings are equally daft. Grin

happy mum = happy baby could give neglectful, abusive parents carte blanche to do what they like. By the same token a mother could drive herself mad trying to keep baby happy since it's pretty much impossible for a baby to be happy all the time - witness the posts on here with parents going out of their minds because of crying etc.

I think the general consensus is that if the mum isn't stressed out of her head and is generally happy, in most cases this helps the bond between parent and child and the baby relaxes and is easier to manage. But hey, in those early months, who cares as long as everyone's getting some sleep and not feeling suicidal? Wink


tryingtoleave · 10/05/2011 12:09

Well I agree with the OP, but not necessarily the next line. If I did everything my dcs wanted they might be happy (although probably they would find something else to demand) but I would be a wreck. I do, however, think that 'happy mother equals happy baby' is often just an excuse for ignoring the needs of a child.


bubbleymummy · 10/05/2011 12:10

Yanbu. I hate that expression. It puts the needs/feelings of the mother above those of the baby which I don't agree with.


Punkatheart · 10/05/2011 12:12

Yes, especially if happy mum means vodka in the morning and a couple of joints in the afternoon. I am being extreme of course but happiness is subjective.

I get the gist of the saying though - it means more that if you are relaxed and lacking in stress, babies often feed off that vibe and relax too.

(But relaxed can also mean out cold on the carpet after all that vodka!}


MamaLazarou · 10/05/2011 12:12

YANBU - I had PND for the first year of my son's life and was miserable as sin but he is happy and content. People often remark on how confident he is.


Piggyleroux · 10/05/2011 12:13

Doesn't that phrase generally apply to breast/bottle feeding? A lot of women who have stopped bfing say that they feel much happier and this benefits the baby much more than them being unhappy whilst bfing.

I think it's a cop out personally, whatever it applies to.


ThatllDoPig · 10/05/2011 12:16

Grin A punkatheart
I found this kind of thing very very painful when I had pnd, as it just adds a further layer of guilt onto a person already struggling with more than they can bear.


lesley33 · 10/05/2011 12:21

YANBU I have often thought the same when people post this as a response to mums dilemmas.


cokefloat · 10/05/2011 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cokefloat · 10/05/2011 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

florencedougal · 10/05/2011 12:25

i think its just an excuse for the mother to be a selfish moo


HellNoSayItAintSo · 10/05/2011 12:25

YANBU. This mother (not mummy, why do grown women insist on using mummy to describe each other?) is often to made happy by champagne, cigarettes, nights out, loud music, and so on. These do little to amuse or help my babies. And as we are seperate people, our happiness or otherwise is not inextricably linked.
ridiculous saying.


Honeybee79 · 10/05/2011 12:37

Disagree with both sayings to be honest.

But as my hv said to me when I was in bits because I couldn't bf - the mental health of the mother is more important than whether the child is breastfed. And given that I was about to have a breakdown, I tend to agree.


daimbardiva · 10/05/2011 12:38

Hmmm...I remember feeling slightly taken aback when my doctor said to me when my ds was very small "The most important thing is that he's OK, and then that you're OK" and I know he only meant this in a "you're responsible for him" sort of a way, but it did rankle a bit -surely we are all important.

I've always taken the happy mother/happy baby thing to be in the context of parenting - i.e. if you are happy and comfortable and go with your instincts re parenting, they are likely to be good choices and good for your baby, rather than in the wider context of your life outside parenthood IYSWIM


daimbardiva · 10/05/2011 12:39

Oh, and I don't agree that happy baby always = happy mum!


Honeybee79 · 10/05/2011 12:41

Agree cokefloat


NinkyNonker · 10/05/2011 12:44

I tend to err towards dd's needs being more important than mine because she is a baby...dependent, incapable of rational thought etc. That doesn't make me a martyr, it isn't forever. So I guess in my case you're right OP, but I have been lucky to have a very sunny, sociable baby who bf well and has had no major problems, touch wood. Therefore no clashes as yet.


Francagoestohollywood · 10/05/2011 12:45

YABU and YANBU at the same time, imho.

Leaving aside neglectful parents, surely the state of mind of the parents/carers is at least as important as the happiness of the baby. Surely babies don't look after themselves, they need an adult who knows what she/he is doing, is remotely satisfied of what she/he is doing and is vaguely rested.


wordfactory · 10/05/2011 12:51

The thing is most of us are better parents in the round if we are happy ourselves. However, this often doesn't apply to individual things that make us happy or unhappy.

It's a balance for sure.


HellNoSayItAintSo · 10/05/2011 13:15

you've got to put your own oxygen mask on first though.


DunderMifflin · 10/05/2011 14:17

I'm also with cokefloat - any successful relationship between two people needs to take both into accout (within reason - esp. in the case of children before I get flamed! Grin)


DunderMifflin · 10/05/2011 14:18

account Blush - typing whilst eating a Feast ice cream isn't easy!

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