AIBU to think I am being a mug

[KissMyMarigolds]

My Ex DP comes round Mon, Wed and Thurs evening to "help" put the kids to bed, I dont need the "help" but I allow him round so he can see the kids. He also has them all day Sunday and puts them to bed on his own.

He will be starting to have them over night on Saturdays soon, every other weekend, the possibly from Friday night to Sunday a few months later. My DC are 3.5 and 20 months. My 20 month old still breastfeeds loads at night still hence the delay in them having them over night so far.

He has taken his name off the mortgage now as he doesnt want my new DP in the house whilst he still "owns" it even though he moved out last August and hasnt paid the mortgage since!! He has since found a new girlfriend and has spent his day with the kids with her. He also never takes the time off work when they're ill and I have to every time. He refuses because " I am the main carer" Yet he sees them more than most fathers who are still with the mothers.

He has been so unreasonable so far so would I be a mug to let him see the kids during the week at my house plus him have them over night every other weekend? When he's at mine during the week the kids want me to bath them, read them them a book and put them into bed.

I dont want him there but I dont want to cause an arguement about how I am "denying him his right to his children"

[JeremyVile]

A reasonable amount of access, imo, is as much as is comfrotable for all including the children.

Best scenario is 50/50 of all free time but I realise that is not likely when there as animosity between the parents.

Friday to sunday every other week is in no way excessive. Sounds paltry to me actually but is probably pretty average fro many families.

[Birdsgottafly]

You have been more than reasonable, stop having him at your house. If he had of kidnapped the children the police would have returned them because of their age and the fact that you are BF. This senario would have forced him to come to a legal agreement.

He has told you that you are the 'main carer' so proceed from there. Decide what will work for you and your new DP. He can only tell you what to do if you allow it. Personally, i would start to move to formalise the agreement and access of the children. Stop focusing on what he says and does, it is irelevant.

[HubbaHubbaBubba]

"My new DP only stays at the weekend and doesnt sleep in my bed or room cos my ex didnt want him to"

I know this thread is mainly about your kids, and rightly so, but I'm gobsmacked at this sentence of yours!

[ChippingIn]

JeremyVile - Fri-Sun maybe too much for a 20 month old who is actually still being breastfed.

It's not up to him whether he agrees it all legally. You are in a much better position to tell him what's what than he is to tell you.

Also, tell your DP he is to stay when your EX arrives, it is not your Ex's home it is yours.

... and again... he is not a great father - he's a 'fun' Dad. The two are not the same. A Great Father would take time off to look after his sick kids, a Great Father would not be controlling their Mum.

[JeremyVile]

Of course - But the overnights arent happening until the BFing has ended I thought.

[ChippingIn]

JV - I haven't the time to go back through the thread but my understanding was that she's starting to stop breastfeeding now and is proposing one night sleep overs once he gets the beds sorted. I think for tiny tots one night would be best for a little while until they get used to staying away from their Mum and one night each week is a bit more regular until they're used to it.
I think Fri-Sun is a lot for wee ones straight away from never staying away, especially as when he is at their house they still want their mum to bath them and put them to bed, it would be different if they wanted Daddy to do it. Anyway, tis only my opinion :)

[JeremyVile]

I agree.

My 50/50 think was more of a general opinion, all things being equal.

If the kids arent comfortable with that amount of time then it shouldnt happen, definitely not.