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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this level of indipendance ok for 5 yr old?

35 replies

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 09/05/2011 21:04

I am usualy very good at judging this kind of thing but for some reason im questioning my judgment.

I dont want this to turn into a bunfight nor want accusations of hysteria at peodophiles on every corner but more would other people feel confident with this.

Dd is not long 5 and has been playing out alot recently either at or around front window, limited space to play here and we live in a quiet culdisac so yesterday I let her take football and skipping rope to the end of our terrace and play on the hard standing of mine and immediate 3 neighbours garages. This is out of my sight but have I some contact with these neighbours I know one very well one not to well and my nextdoor neighbour chat when we see eachother and dd chats more than me day to day if she catches them in the garden. so feel mostly safe, road generaly quiet an ideal for dd to master some road skills.

Dd desperate to do same today but Im cautiouse of her making a regular habit of playing round the corner on her own out of my sight so i encouraged her to go and knock for twin boys I have seen living across the end of culdisac. They seem similar age. Iv seen them playing out with dad who seems to live alone with boys and much older son about 18ish. Dd called on them and later came to ask if she could go in thier house. I said yes and later one of the boys asked if he could look inside my house. I sent them to ask dad. They then spent rest of afternoon in and out my house and thier house. I have never spoke to thier dad but tend to wave or nod as passing normaly in car etc. But they had a great time and boys very chatty, polite and quite adorable actualy.

does this seem ok for 5 year old?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 09/05/2011 21:08

Sounds fine to me.

dementedma · 09/05/2011 21:12

hmm, I'm a very lax parent but think letting a 5 year old play out of my sight and also go into a house without knowing the parents is a bit tooo lax!
Can you chat with dad of twins and get to know the family better?

usualsuspect · 09/05/2011 21:14

sounds fine to me

working9while5 · 09/05/2011 21:15

It wouldn't be for me.

Shakirasma · 09/05/2011 21:20

At 5? No way

davidtennantsmistress · 09/05/2011 21:29

mine does, however I do know the other kids parents. not brilliantly but went to school with them.

guess you know the area and your DD best, I trust DS enough to come in/not go outside his boundries. plus we leave the door wide open & often pop out to hear them. (tbh there's usually 4/5 kids running/biking up & down the street/drives etc)

LEMONADEGIRL · 09/05/2011 21:35

think too young and especially not knocking on neighbours door at that age regardless of the fact that they have children too. You don't actually know the dad.

I would find it a bit odd if a relativley strange child knocked on my door and did not know the parents other than to nod and smile too.

rookiemater · 09/05/2011 21:37

DS is just over 5 and he is allowed to go to two different friends house which are up a very short footpath, he has to tell me which house he is going to and if the friend isn't in come back and tell me if he wants to go to the other one, his friend, who is 5 too is also allowed to do this. I know both sets of parents as in I have met and talked to them a few times.
He is not allowed to go to the play area either on his own or with his friends as this is about 10 houses down the street ( cul de sac but obviously people driving to their own house) as this is too far at this age and borders on a small wooded area.
I think you are very wise to encourage her to make friendships with the other children and I'd feel uncomfortable if DS was out of sight on his own but am happier for him to be at another parents house. It's good for children to develop social skills and a wee bit of independence.

BendyBob · 09/05/2011 21:39

Not for me either. We have started to get a child of similar age from the next street here and she's invited herself inside on a couple of occasions.

I've decided I'm not happy with this and won't let it happen again. I don't know where she lives. No matter what boundaries you might set, at 5 children of that age often do forget what you've said.

My own dc were not out like that until older and even now very rarely in anyone's house. Also If I was the dads position I might be feeling a bit like I (or my dt's) were supposed to be looking after someone else's child.

NearlySpring · 09/05/2011 21:44

Definitely not! My 6 yr old wouldn't be allowed to play out in the street out of sight and certainly not in and out of a strangers house.

I too would find it a bit odd if a strangers child knocked on the door for my children to play out..

usualsuspect · 09/05/2011 21:45

Where I lived the kids all played in each others houses ...the only rule was they had to tell their parents where they were

Original poster
itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 09/05/2011 21:45

thanks for responses. My door was open and I spent most of my time staning at it watching.

I did have brief exchange with dad when he called boys for dinner. My instinct on him seems fine, but then people you hqve known a life time could pose risk to dcs. I did natuarly feel more relaxed with them at mine than vice versa but thats probably natural.

Im also aware of the question, would I feel more comfertable if it was a mother and not a single dad and I honestly dont think this would make a difference.

it is a quiet culdisac and these 3 only children other than a couple with a baby and few teenagers who never hang out here.

its good to see what others think and what thier dcs do.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 09/05/2011 21:46

really you would find it odd ..its how my children made friends with the neighbours children

what an odd world we seem to live in now

Original poster
itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 09/05/2011 21:50

I did watch her knock on door, ready to talk with the dad but the kids then came out with bikes.

I certanly wouldnt have found it strange had the boys knocked on my door to ask to play with my dd.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 09/05/2011 21:52

I wouldn't find it strange either ..its perfectly acceptable where I live

LynetteScavo · 09/05/2011 21:54

That sort of thing happens a lot in this road. It's a very big cul de sac, so you can't see what is going on at each end (we are in the middle) it's a very "nice" quiet area, and there is only one family who doesn't let their children go feral, out of 7 families with children. DD would do this, but she would always be with her two older brothers.

My rule is my DC don't go into someones house/garden without telling me. There is one house I don't let my DC play in. It's a very nice house, with very "nice" parents, but something about them, and the odd thing their DC has said doesn't sit right with me.

Anyway, I digress. Ultimately, you have to go with your gut instinct.

Original poster
itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 09/05/2011 21:54

I would have thought it universaly acceptible. its definatly how I made friends as a child.

OP posts:
mrspnut · 09/05/2011 21:55

My nearly 5 year old is allowed to play out with the kids from next door - the only other children on our street and she can go to the park with them.

The park is on the other side of the lane (directly opposite out front door but you have to walk round the corner to get through the gate).

However, I have the front door open all the time she is outside and I can often be found at the front door bellowing at her to stay on the grass and stop hitting each other with sticks etc.

She has a great time, but she now wants to be grounded because the boys next door often are (they are a bit older than her 6,8 and 9)

Original poster
itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 09/05/2011 21:58

Grin at wanting to be grounded> Id call that very lax if at nearly 5 shes never been grounded yet. Grin

OP posts:
MilaMae · 09/05/2011 22:13

I live in a cul de sac and my 3 have been doing this for a year and a half.They're 7,7 and 6.Our road is packed full of kids(3 families are police and it's good enough for them) youngest is 5 and are now in and out of each others gardens,houses etc.If they go round the corner still in cul de sac I can't see them but check every 20 mins or so.

I doubt any car could snatch,turn round and exit (whilst steering round dumped go karts,JD bugs,kids etc) without an almighty uproar.

My kids need to do this so I have to let them.

Having said that there was a dodgy window salesman(so he said) round today and dd was out on her own so I called her in. Obviously should anything happen to any of them I'll be strung up as un unfit parent but to be frank wrapping my kids up in cotton wool until they're 18 isn't going to make me a great parent either.

I'd get to know said family like we did and just proceed with caution as you are.

fluffles · 09/05/2011 22:18

i would be fine with this, but i would probably engineer a longer chat with the dad soon - or even just go round and say 'is it ok that dd knocked on your door the other day?' and start a chat....

IThinkTooMuch · 09/05/2011 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 09/05/2011 22:30

thats a good idea fluffles.

OP posts:
inchoccyheaven · 09/05/2011 22:34

I would say it is fine too. My boys have been doing the same since roughly that age.

magicmelons · 09/05/2011 22:34

Yanbu, it's perfectly fine my dd is six and this is similar to what we allow her to do. If your comfortable with it then that's what's important. Children need some space to learn what's the worst that could happen?

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