Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my ds to be a bit more upset when I tell him off?

23 replies

whethergirl · 09/05/2011 21:01

DS (age 6) has not been really naughty per se, it's just that whole thing of having to repeat every request 8 times, or telling him to not do something and 5 minutes later he's doing it again. Today I just lost my rag, and had a good old rant and told him he was driving me crazy.

Then I felt guilty (and thus, even more annoyed) afterwards, but he was fine, chirpy as anything. On one hand I'm glad, that me snapping hasn't affected him too negatively. On the other, surely he should care a bit, that I'm annoyed with him?!

It's not like he never gets upset, ie two biggest upsets today was 1. Cried his eyes out because I suggested buying him a new school bag (he's a bit sentimental with possesions he's had for a long time) and 2. He wouldn't settle down properley to do his homework, so I said "Well I guess you'll be getting 0/5 for spelling" cue lots of tears and door slamming.

So how can getting a new school bag upset him SO much, yet being told he is driving his mum mad is something he can quite happily live with?!

OP posts:
PlanetEarth · 09/05/2011 21:14

DD the same re sentimentality... I threw out some holey socks that were past mending - totally threadbare. We bought some new ones together, I told her the old ones had to go, and threw them in the bin... turned my back and she'd fished them out. And she is 13 lol!

Not helpful I guess!

And yes, maybe she cares more about the socks than her dear family....

twolittlemonkeys · 09/05/2011 21:18

DS1 doesn't care at all if I tell him off, it has no effect at all. He shrugs and ignores me (he's 5 but we think he has Aspergers) He gets mightily upset about tiny things. Similar to your example, I suggested he use a new lunchbag I'd bought as his lunchbox is cracked and bits of plastic are starting to splinter off and he threw a fit!

DS2 on the other hand is much easier to reason with and does get upset if I get cross.

Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 21:18

It does help actually, reminds me that kids in general are not the most logical/reasonable of people! I should maybe laugh it off rather than wallow in this bad mood I've found myself in!

OP posts:
heliumballoons · 09/05/2011 21:18

OMG you have just descibed my 6yo DS perfectly - and my occassional reaction when it gets too much. Grin

No advice I'm afraid but I'll be watching this thread with interest.

DS cried last week as I threw out old cardboard boxes - he didn't feel right without them in his room. (weeks warning and daily reminder so knew it was happening).

Beamur · 09/05/2011 21:20

I have the opposite problem, DD is thin skinned and gets really upset when told off! Although is developing a good line in going off in a huff.

squeakytoy · 09/05/2011 21:22

I drove my mother mad for 39 years Grin... I was never the most remorseful child...

Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 21:44

twolittlemonkeys - oh dear, I think i'll be googling aspergers for a time tonight.

heliumballoons - I have been caught out on more than one occassion when ds has put something in the bin, only to discover that I've thrown away one of his 'precious' belongings, which might be, an old manky hairclip that he has found on the street, for example.

Beamur - with his friends, ds gets very easily offended actually, forever going off in a huff or sulking. After his last playdate a few days ago, I actually said he won't be having any friends over for a while as he was such a terrible host!

squeakytoy - I never mention anything negative about ds to my mum. If I do, it's "Oh you were a thousand times worse...."

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 09/05/2011 21:48

My ds1 is similar. I can have a breakdown and he's fine - in the morning. By the end of school, if I mention that if someone is talking to him then he should really face them, he goes absolutely mental at me! Just a different mood, he's obviously more emotionally resilient when he's not tired (as are we all). Prob the same for your ds.

MadamDeathstare · 09/05/2011 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 21:57

How old is your ds out of interest MerryMarigold?

I'm wondering is it a) A Good Thing because ds is secure in the knowledge that I love him and I'm just having a moment. Or b) A Bad Thing because maybe I've had one too many rants and he has become accustomed to it!

Actually, it reminds me of one those The Far Side cartoons, where there is a dog owner talking to his dog, and telling him off for something specific. But all the dog hears is "blah blah blah blah Rover, blah blah Rover, blah blah blah"

OP posts:
Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 22:01

MadamDeathStare, that's very comforting (and fantastic analogy, very visual!), you've just described a usual morning here. It's such a bad start to the day for me sometimes, but seriously, you can only say "Put your socks on" so many times nicely.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 09/05/2011 22:04

You misunderstand me Whethergirl, I meant when I was a child, I never showed much remorse when my mum was mad at me...

Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 22:06

Obviously the title should be "to want" not "to not want". IYSWIM

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 09/05/2011 22:09

He's 5 and a half. I think it's A AND B in our case. He definitely gets very, very upset and angry when teachers/ other kids' parents even slightly tell him off or imply they are not 100% happy with him, because he's very sensitive and a bit insecure. But when it comes to me, he's mostly fine with being told off unless he's very tired.

Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 22:10

I get you squeakytoy, just meant that I was just as bad!

OP posts:
thegingerone · 09/05/2011 22:11

Thank the F* it's not just my ds1.

Of no help to you, but a great comfort to me. Wink

I might actually go "Blah blah blah blah blah (DS name) blah blah" tmw before school and see if he notices. (he's 7.5)

squeakytoy · 09/05/2011 22:12

My 5yo grandaughter is also exactly the same and friends children of a similar age too. I would say it is normal behaviour.

Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 22:13

Yep ditto with my ds MerryMarigold. He would rather walk the plank (carrying on from MadamDeathStare's sea theme) then fail his teacher.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 09/05/2011 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 22:27

Thing is, the less he seems to give a shit, the more exasperated I get - and that's some vicious circle.

But I am feeling so much better about this now, I think it's a relatively new thing for me as in the past ds would not ignore me quite so much. Hopefully now I've realised this is a 'thing', then it won't bother me so much (and a 'thing' that could last a while by the sounds of it!).

I even asked him yesterday, mid rant "do you even care that I'm so angry?" He replied "yeh" - in the most non chalont, couldn't give a monkeys tone of voice ever.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 09/05/2011 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
whethergirl · 09/05/2011 23:27

I'll try that MadamDeathstare, as my version "Are you actually trying to make me lose my temper?" did need tweaking.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 10/05/2011 20:39

My 2 year old has taken to walking round the house saying, " I. AM. VERY. ANGRY. WITH. YOU!"

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread