AIBU to wonder when permissive parenting becomes allowing kids to run feral?

[PiousPrat]

Partly inspired by the thread about a loitering child on a driveway, but not a thread about a thread

I was wondering what other people's views on acceptable boundaries for kids playing out were. I get that there are many types of parenting, and countless variations within those types, so I was curious about how many different viewpoints are represented here with regards to amount if time playing out, ages of kids going out, curfews and distance from home that the kids are allowed to roam as well as expectations of behaviour while they are out.

For my part, I live in a very quiet cul-de-sac in a quite village that is surrounded by farmland and woods. There are several greens nearby and a small play park. My DC have been playing out from about the age of 5 with gradually extending boundaries. From the age of about 9 I have been quite happy for them to be out for 3 or 4 hours at a time (as long as I know where they are and roughly who they are with) and they know to come and let me know if they will be going into someone's house or back garden to play, so I can find them if needs be. They go off on foot or on bike, to play football or whatever card game is the latest craze on the green or over the woods to make dens and scrabble around up trees. That seems to be the average for kids of their age round here, but lately I have noticed that kids of about 6 are having the same degree of 'freedom' now that my 2 did at 9 so I was wondering if the general consensus on what is allowable for playing out has shifted recently, or if I was too PFB with my kids, or indeed if the ones playing out now are just feral neglected souls.

What is the average age by you for an afternoons unsupervised loitering and do you impose any conditions on your little loiterers when they go out?

My 4 and 7 year old pretty much have the run on the street. They are not allowed out the street though (cul de sac with about 15 houses). If they go into someones house or garden they have to tell me and my 4 year old is not allowed to cross the road (he has to walk around the culde sac on the pavement.

Works for me, they are generally not out for longer than five minutes before pestering asking me for a drink/snack/to get a bike out/to tell me so so so is doing this.

Think it really depends on where you live. My street of about 15 houses has about 10 kids between 3- 9 so there is always folk watching.

PIOUS There can be no definitive answer to your question; but its worth thinking about

To me a "feral" child is one who doesn't have boundaries or rules as to how they should and shouldn't behave.

I don't think playing outside and unsupervised makes a child "feral", as long as they know how to behave while they're out there, iyswim?

I've started letting my two out of sight last summer when they were 9. With live on the outskirts of London so a very busy area but are lucky enough to back onto a park so they are allowed out there any time now with neighbours kids. They must be back at a certain time though and tell us if they are going into someones house. I wasn't happy with them being out of sight before this age.

Madamdeathstare that is an extreme reaction by the farmworker! I now feel that I should point out that the woodland that the local kids play in is a sort of dead ground between 2 fields, which has been left to overgrow a bit as it is easier for the farmer to just leave it rather than try and clear all the (old and huge in some cases) trees. I lived round here as a kid and we used to chat to the landowner and his staff when they were out checking fences and the like and he always said he was perfectly happy for us kids to play in the wood bit as long as we respected it and didn't worry the sheep if they were in the surrounding fields. AFAIK it is still the same farmer and my kids have seen farm hands nearby several times who have never had a problem with them being in a den halfway up a tree, so I assume the farmer is still perfectly happy with it. Obviously they wouldn't be allowed if he didn't give his permission.

minipie I agree about the definition of feral. I guess what I meant was at what point do you think that being out unsupervised would be considered feral. If the kids in question were badly behaved? Or if they spent more time outside than in it? Or if their parents didn't know or care where they were? What limitations do you set and what is your upper threshold for still being considered reasonable parenting, I guess.

lets face it, its so much easier to faff around on the internet when the kids are either dumped on someone else, dumped in front of the telly or chucked out into the street isnt it :) the longer the better for some parents

Kids play out on our street quite late in the summer. They are not up to anything iffy - just being noisy normal kids.
Feral to me is shagging/smoking/drinking/graffitting/vandalising - usually all at the same time.
Youngest one seems to be about 7 but he has older siblings keeping an eye on him.
I would hope that I will be able to give my DS the same amount of freedom I had as a kid. But I think I am too neurotic.

I think it crosses that line if you don't correct unacceptable behaviour and they think that they can do whatever they like and don't think about or care about the impact of their actions on others.

No matter how relaxed your parenting, you have got to teach your children to respect other people and to behave in a socially acceptable way.

Two lads in my DS's class both age 7 have the freedom to go where they fancy around our entire estate, including two big supermarkets, two woods, cemetry, small newsagent, pub car park etc. They are allowed on bikes without helmets and they seem to be able to go in anyone's house they can get in (for hours on end up to 7.30pm on a school night and later on a weekend).

I won't let my DS out with them to roam with that much freedom. I said they could play on the street and go around the block if he checked in frequently but that didn't suit the other two.

my kids are 4 and 6 and are allowed out to play in our cul-de-sac. Its a dead end off a dead end off a dead end if that makes sense though, with only 10 houses, most of which have kids of primary school age and are used to kids whizzing about on bikes. They have a set boundary they are allowed to go to (and with a close age gap, if one crosses the boundary, the other inevitably grasses them up within a minute or so) and they have to tell me if they are going in someones house/garden to play (although I can usually tell by following the noise)
This works well for us, and I'm quite satisfied that my kids are as safe as I can make them, whilst also allowing them freedom and responsibility.
I do refer to my kids as feral though, as in summer, they have to be dragged in at bed time and have hands and feet scrubbed to get the muck off!

I have a friend who lives a few streets away and I drove her home after dark the other night (about 10pm) and was amazed to see kids of 4/5 years old still wandering about in the street at that time on a school night when mine had been in bed for 2 hours by then!

You are soo lucky 'sick of the holidays', thats sounds a great balance of freedom and safety combined.
Unfortunately, ours is a busy street bordered by bumpy, narrow, uneven paving, massive tree roots and the houses all the houses have multiple cars which overlap part of the pavement.
We don't have a park nearby without crossing an even busier road so their is really nowhere to give the kids some freedom to play safely and independently.
Also the only other kids in the street apart from my two (aged 6 & 7) are teenagers or toddlers plus one other extremely timid and reclusive 6 year old girl who on the other side of the street.
Strange as it may seem I do let mine have a little bit more freedom when camping and on holiday but I can't do it around here.

janeybo, that must be frustrating. I have another friend whose kids cant play out as the area is densly populated by idiots driving pimped up cars in baseball caps who see 30mph as the very minimum speed they should be doing. Understandably her kids arent allowed out of the front gate without supervision, and neither are mine when we go to visit!
I would love to live in a larger house, but I honestly dont think I could bring myself to move away from here, its so quiet and hard to find our house, I dont bother locking the front door except at night, and I havent seen the back door key for years (only access to garden is from house or neighbours gardens, all surrounded by 6ft fence