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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop/dislike 3.5 year old son 'playing' computer games with daddy?

32 replies

pipkin35 · 09/05/2011 11:27

My 3.5 yr old DS has 'played' on the PS3 with dad once or twice. Now, he asks for it almost daily. OH reckons 20 mins after tea and before bed (usually 6.30-7pm and then story etc...for a 7.20pm bedtime) is OK since they 'do it together' - usually Little Big planet or a 'demo' - all 'cartoony'. Our TV works via the PS3 controller, so he is actually quite adept at pressing X to turnt hings on etc...

I hate the idea of this, I think DS watches too much TV anyway and am trying to limit this (he's not very active/outdoorsy but am meeting lots of relunctance doing other activities) but, it seems mean of me to insist he can't play it with dad, surely it's better than more 'blank' CBBC watching?!

3.5 year old had a big tantrum the other day when we switched it off, but now seems to 'get it' and is fine with it being turned off after a stated time. Seems to be his 'big treat'.

WDYT? And WWYD?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 09/05/2011 11:33

I think it's a nice father/son thing to do BUT wouldn't do it that late in the day, my ds would've been far to whizzy to go to sleep afterwards.

I would cut back on telly during the day to allow him to spend time with his dad tbh.

IgnoringTheChildren · 09/05/2011 11:41

My DS1 is a similar age and he plays cbeebies games on my laptop, probably ony a couple of times a week (coz it's MY laptop FFS! ) but usually for about 30mins at a time (and he needs pre-warning of when his time is up to avoid tantrums). I think it is better than watching tv, although the cbeebies games are all designed to be 'educational' - don't know anything about PS3 games as we don't have one! I think it the fact that your DS is playing with his dad is better than me leaving DS1 to navigate cbeebies website by himself while I make the dinner!

aldiwhore · 09/05/2011 11:42

If the time is limited I see no wrong in it. We often play Wii Party together as a family, my 3 yr old loves it (and is rather good). For us its better than a board game and its a family activity. My eldest (7) plays alone, but again, the time is limited and he gets time knocked off his next session if he throws a hissy fit when its time to turn it off, though I do let him finish his level first.

Moderation is key. My eldest isn't sporty at all and we're combatting it, so there's no TV or video games until we've been for a bike ride/gone swimming after school. It works well.

Have to say I am a fan of CBBC and CBEEBIES, in moderation, and I am also a bit of a gamer myself. My eldest has benefitted greatly imvho from being allowed to 'play' on my laptop (supervised) and by playing games on the Wii... the PS3 is mine though, all mine, but all of us play Just Dance and Singstar, its a good laugh.

So long as the games are age appropriate and your DH isn't plaing Call Of Duty etc., I see no issue.

Buda · 09/05/2011 11:51

MY DS was 3 when we got a PS2. He loved it but was only allowed on once a day for 20 mins at a time. I bought a little kitchen timer and used to set it beside him for the 20 mins. I noticed after a while that he would naturally stop himself before the timer went off.

valiumredhead · 09/05/2011 11:52

Was just about to suggest a kitchen timer!

mumblechum1 · 09/05/2011 11:53

I think it's quite a nice bonding thing, actually. When ds was around 7-10 he spent quite a bit of time playing PS3 togethr with his dad in a teamwork sort of way (he was way better than his dad & took over at the hard bits )

Buda · 09/05/2011 12:38

Great minds valiumredhead!

Agree with mumblechum that it can be a nice bonding thing. Even I used to play Lego Star Wars!

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 09/05/2011 12:52

I think it's fine as long as you're careful with choosing the games he's allowed to play. Lots of games are PEGI (whatever the heck that means) 3+ so they're ok.

Is it actually for your DS's enjoyment or is it more to keep him quiet while DH plays :o - would he maybe buy DS his own definitely-age-appropriate game? I.e. Not just one that is ok with no violence etc, but that really challenges him and gets him involved and he gets a lot more out of it? I don't know about PS3 specifically but on wii there are loads of games specifically aimed at preschoolers, which involve favourite characters and a bit of numeracy etc thrown in for good marketability measure :)

PfftTheMagicDragon · 09/05/2011 17:30

I think that computer games are fine, as long as:

You moderate content
You moderate time spent

And you have to be strict about this.

catinthehat2 · 09/05/2011 17:59

"3.5 year old had a big tantrum the other day when we switched it off, but now seems to 'get it' and is fine with it being turned off after a stated time"

switching off is often the hardest thing IME.
if he's smart enough to have got to that point, (and you are smart enough to show him you noticed ), then you're over a big battle straight away.
sounds as if he & dad are having some fun, no doubt you can join in if you feel like it, maybe lose an equivalent amount of tv

catinthehat2 · 09/05/2011 18:00

(SuperMarioKart on the Wii here)

princessparty · 09/05/2011 18:07

He is his dad's child as well as yours!

Fleurdebleurgh · 09/05/2011 18:11

My 4yr old plays on the Wii with his dad for around 30 mins most evenings, before he has a wind down bath for bed.
He has great hand-eye skills, loves to read the dialogue (SuperMario Galaxy) and even likes to count the money theyve earned.
Hes pretty bloody good at it now.

My 2 yr old can also play on a DS successfully too, but thats another matter ;)

LaWeasel · 09/05/2011 18:27

Probably better than beebies, if he's okay with it being turned off.

DD (2 and 2mths!) likes playing baseball on the wii.

We are quite a tech friendly house though.

badmummy101 · 09/05/2011 18:29

who is he with when he is watching too much tv for your liking?
and he is his dad if he wants too do that with him then why shouldnt he?

DeWe · 09/05/2011 19:03

Ds (similar age) loves playing Plants v Zombies. We don't have a TV though.

mossi · 09/05/2011 19:13

A boy at my dd's school came round to play a few months ago (age 5). He got into computer games around age 3 to 4, playing with his dad. My DD suggested all sorts of things to play with. He said "all your toys and games are boring and for babies. I only want to play computer games." My DD was quite disappointed. I said "ok if you find a game on the computer for two players, that's fine". I suggested one. He said "no I hate that game. I know one that's for two players. I found it on the internet. It was for one player and he wasn't prepared to share. I went and played with my DD and we counted the minutes until he went home.

I'm a fairly casual parent but I feel he is missing out massively from the development gained from playing with toys. Having seen this boy, and experienced his dire behaviour, I would ban it from the house now.

Yes, young children can play computer games. But imv it robs them of the time they should be spending playing imaginative games with toys and sometimes makes them socially unacceptable.

We have never had this boy round to play again.

sleepingsowell · 09/05/2011 19:23

I am totally with mossi. I hated the idea of these for DS up until at least 7 because there are SO few early years where they play that completely free imaginative play and it's so important for their development.

I guess half an hour a day wouldn't exactly HURT, but why the hurry? They will all spend their teenage years obsessively glued to this stuff, why hurry to meet it when their development is better served by other things entirely.

I remember my DS as a 5 year old trying to explain to his cousin (4) that he didn't want to play computer games - he was ernestly saying "no, I mean play a game with our own bodies"....and the cousin just couldn't get it. That's the danger I think. Why limit our kids so young?

Wilfimina · 09/05/2011 20:09

I disagree with sleepingsowell and mossi. It is a case of everything in moderation as with most things. You would never say reading a book to a child deprives them of imaginative play as its someone elses story rather than inventing their own so why do it about computer games?

My son is 5 and due to the nature of our family (we are geeky, theres no hiding it) he has been pushing buttons on computers since he could sit by himself. There is a wealth of interesting, bright and colourful games out there aimed at children. My 11 month old dd loves the interactive story books on my ipad that she can tap randomly at and they show her different pictures.

Like previous posters we have little big planet on the ps3 and I think this has spurred my son on to read more as he wants to know what the creatures are saying. It is also amazing at making kids think outside the box. This hasnt made him unimaginative or slovenly, he still plays outside regularly and you can quite often listen to him talking to his imaginary school (his favourite game is being headmaster) or being a superhero.

He doesnt watch a lot of tv though as we usually have the radio on and his computer use whether it be on an actual pc or the ps3 is always monitored.

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 09/05/2011 20:15

Just as long as your DH also makes a point of reading to him too. So many boys don't see reading as a "male" activity as they only see women doing it. This then leads to so much reluctance to read later on.

MrsBananaGrabber · 09/05/2011 20:17

Our children are growing up in a different world to us, imo a computer gamw with dad for a short period of time will do no harm at all. People get all righteous about kids and technology, as long as kids are also read to, played with ect it's fine.

springpiece · 09/05/2011 20:54

Wouldn't have a problem with this - provided he's not on it all day. DD (also 3.5) quite likes playing a game with DH on the ps3 where big fish eat smaller fish - not sure what it's called but it's very good. She's also got the Peppa pig games for MY ds but I'd say she plays for about half an hour every few days.

mossi · 09/05/2011 20:59

I would have agreed with many here, before I met this dc. Who just asks constantly for computer games now, to the exclusion of everything else. His mother limited him by time - but it just made him more angry and more determined.

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 09/05/2011 23:03

That's very sad Mossi :( how the heck did his parents let it get so bad?

Maybe it's a mix of a particular type of game and the personality? I read/saw something about the feedback in the brain during particular types of activities, and it's just conditioning the brain to crave the reward from doing well. They can be so addictive.

My DD is allowed to play wii but she doesn't really like it much yet, other than bowling (she's better than me!) Just Dance and wii fit. Only plays about once a week though.

Morloth · 09/05/2011 23:20

DS1 has been playing on the xbox from when he was old enough to hold the controller properly.

He doesn't play on school nights however and he is fine when I say 'Enough' mossi computer games are not that kid's problem his parents are.

DS had a mate around to play the other day and I saw them long enough to give them some lunch as they spent the whole time either in the playroom or out the back.

Imaginationative play and console games are not mutually exclusive. We also have the kinect now, which means plenty of exercise on rainy days.

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