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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to defriend my student niece from Facebook because I don't want to know she's got crabs!

22 replies

messybessie · 09/05/2011 00:03

or see pictures of her falling drunk in the street, or hear about hung over she is, or that she smokes.

I did a fair amount of heavy drinking and smoking in my youth but had the decency to hide it from my family and at least it was in the days before the digital camera.

Her Dad is also her friend on FB and I generally worry about her. Her parents split up a few years ago and she does seem to be flaunting her derailment.

How do I disapprove without being disapproving.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 09/05/2011 00:05

Attention seeking is often a cry for help, especially at that age.

are you close enough to her to be able to talk properly with her?

quidco · 09/05/2011 00:08

a lot of students do something called fraping. Its when they put up silly status's exactly like this one, from an unattended mobile phone or laptop. completely ridiculous and will come back to bite them in later years, but they still do so.
personally i would just remove her updates from appearing on my newsfeed. simpler all round.

JaneFonda · 09/05/2011 00:09

I doubt she has actually got crabs - it's probably just a friend who put it as a joke, lots of them do!

A lot of my friends' teenage DCs have photos of them drinking etc., as long as it is all private enough that only her friends can see it, and not future bosses, then I don't think it's the worst thing in the world.

Honestly, she probably won't even notice you de-friending her, unless you two are particularly close - in which case, you should talk to her about her parents.

MrsBonkers · 09/05/2011 00:11

Can you just add a comment like 'you do know I can read your status updates don't you? - Xmas gathering will never be the same again!'
It subtley reminds her who is reading.

HalfTermHero · 09/05/2011 00:19

The bit about crabs is actually pretty canny; I suspect she is having a laugh on that point and her mates are probably falling about. The stakes are being driven ever higher for the youth of today. it takes a lot to get a proper laugh. max points for that comment.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 09/05/2011 00:21

It's a bit rich to defriend your niece because she is flaunting behaviour that is not dissimilar to that which you were able to keep private.

I suggest you try to meet up with her in the near future so that you can alert her to the possibility that publishing intimate details of her present life in this manner could be something she may have cause to regret at a future date.

If what she's doing is an attempt to punish her df, or if she is suffering feelings of abandonment, encourage her to see a counsellor.

If you're not up for it, or don't think you can adopt a sufficiently caring but non-judgemental stance, is there another family member than can step up to the plate/

PoppaRob · 09/05/2011 00:34

Given that pubic hair has gone the way of the dodo bird it's fairly unlikely she's got crabs. I'd say she's just stirring with her mates. Maybe just set your FB to ignore her wall posts?

amberleaf · 09/05/2011 00:42

Hide her updates.

I agree its probably someone 'having a laugh'

LDNmummy · 09/05/2011 01:29

I often wonder how older relatives of some of my FB friends handle seeing what their younger relatives get up to.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 09/05/2011 01:59

Is this due to evolution, PoppaRob?

Should I look forward to a branch of MerkinsRUs opening on my high street sometime soon?

DontCallMePeanut · 09/05/2011 02:18

Could it be that she's been fraped? (re: the crabs) It happens a lot among the students at my uni, as they often have friends over, or the likes, who ight add an "amusing" status whilst the victim (eg, your niece) isn't looking. It took one of my friends a week to realise that I'd edited her profile and status to suggest she was a lesbian and into BDSM, once...

But the rest, it's all standard student behaviour. In fact, I think I'm the only person on my FB who hasn't posted about a hangover, or been tagged in drunken photos over the past year... Even my 13 year old niece has more sins showing on FB than me

Just grin and bear it. Or hide her posts in your feed.

Original poster

messybessie · 09/05/2011 09:18

Thank you, yes I'm going with the fraping explanation. The modern world!

As for it being 'a bit rich' that I disapprove, I have no doubt my brother would have disapproved of my behaviour in the same way, he just didn't know about it. It's my job to disapprove - I'm a grown up .

I don't really disapprove, I just don't want to know really. Maybe hiding her updates is the best idea.

OP posts:

zikes · 09/05/2011 09:23

'Hide' her feed. Then you can go have a nosey if you feel like it and "oh my maiden aunt, the youth of today- swoon" if you want, but not have it in your face everytime you open up FB.

harassedinherpants · 09/05/2011 09:25

I have hidden my step-daughters updates, as it's all about boyfriends, how ugly she is etc etc..... and she's 13! All the issues have been dealt with by my dh and her mother, but we all keep an eye on her. So I've hidden the updates but can still check on her page regularly.

My newsfeed doesn't get half so full now!!! I really think young people forget who they've friended on Facebook, and I've posted several " hey I can read this!!" comments in the past.

aldiwhore · 09/05/2011 09:29

YANBU.... if family's on FB you should have the same respect and boundaries as in real life... part of the reason why I turned down my mother's friend request, I couldn't guaruntee not to post after a night out. Though I don't have crabs. I'd go with the fraping notion for now, unless you think a) she might actually have crabs b) she's the sort of person who would put that on their status (I know a few who would) and c) you think she might really like a pm from you offering to be a counsellor.

I was mad as a teen, it wasn't a cry for help. (but I didn't get crabs)

chicletteeth · 09/05/2011 09:29

YABU.
It's facebook, she's larking about with her friends and yes it's TMI but what of it? It's probably just somebody pissing about on her status, I mean really, would anybody advertise the fact that they have crabs?!
Just hide her posts if you don't want to defriend her, that way you won't see what she's up to unless you look her up specifically.
Just out of curiousity, is this behaviour ok if it's kept private then?

strandedbear · 09/05/2011 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppaRob · 09/05/2011 10:12

Hi izzywhizzyletsgetbusy. More to do with waxing and shaving than an evolutionary mutation I think. I asked one of my daughter's friends a while ago if she thought the incidence of crabs might have dropped since the demise of pubic hair and she said she hadn't really though about it, but she said she didn't know of anyone who'd ever had the little buggers so I think it may have. As for MerkinsRUs, why not open a store and see how you go? There used to be a shop here in Adelaide called Condomania which sold all sorts of condoms, lubes and other accessories. The window display was just a huge goldfish bowl full of tadpoles.

ilovedora27 · 09/05/2011 10:19

Its obvious shes been fraped. Dont take it so seriously!

valiumredhead · 09/05/2011 10:43

You can HIDE her so you don't actually have to see her drivel every time you log on but can still keep an eye on her when you want to.

NulliusInVerba · 09/05/2011 10:56

That comment is probably from a friend, ive seen ones like "I love bum sex" awell. Hilarious.
Off topic but ive got to say I hate that term "fraped".

ScousyFogarty · 09/05/2011 10:58

MESSY....I know its serious; but the CRABS bit made me laugh.

I think it may be a cry for help.

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