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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upset with neighbours

23 replies

sunshine624 · 08/05/2011 21:50

I have lived in my rented house now for just over a year now and im abit unsure what i should do about my fellow next doorers.
The man of the house is clearly hurting the woman as i hear her screaming or groaning in pain the first time i heard it i actually thought they were just getting down with it. But the next time i heard it she was screaming and crying and telling him to get of her.
I saw her the next day and asked how she was just in passing she swore at me and walked away ...
Im on my own with my daughter so i do not want any trouble but i am concerned for their children to i have seen a baby a toddler and an older child that live there the baby seems to be left screaming all day and night. It is horrible to hear through out the night and its getting me quite upset.
The other night i heard the parents fighting and the baby crying and heard one of the parents stomp up the stairs and heard a horrible thud the baby then stopped crying for aout 5 mins but then began again even worse.
I have called childline they told me to keep a diary as they belive it is propely just drunken fights but i hate it and am currently looking to move ASAP as my toddler is beginin to notice in the night which is even worse
Any advice on what i should do please....

OP posts:

Happymm · 08/05/2011 21:53

Shit! Police and SS I'd think :(

Original poster

sunshine624 · 08/05/2011 21:56

I know i think that but you hear all these horror stories about people that have phoned the police and end up well hurt for it ........ the man is VERY scary i fear for my daughter if i get caught up in it

OP posts:

DooinMeCleanin · 08/05/2011 21:57

Police next time you hear her crying and everytime after that. SS now. Often when women are in abusive relationships they are more inclined to leave immediately after the attack than after the man has a had a chance to do his 'well if you only more of x and less of y it wouldn't happen' routine. If the police turn up during or straight after an attack she might be moere inclined to let them help her, if not at least it will be on file that he is abusive when she does decide she has had enough.

DooinMeCleanin · 08/05/2011 21:59

The police won't tell them which neighbour phoned.

thisisyesterday · 08/05/2011 21:59

i can't believe you even need to ask what you should do!!!!

good grief woman, call the police and social services now

ManicMarie · 08/05/2011 22:03

thisisyesterday Sun 08-May-11 21:59:14
i can't believe you even need to ask what you should do!!!!

Couldn't agree with you more.

FlorenceMattell · 08/05/2011 22:05

Hi
This is hard for OP being on her own. So plan
Find new house to rent if you can afford to etc. Then phone police when you know you are moving.
I'd be scared too. Ring SS and express conern for baby now. Because that could have come from anyone, nursery, children's school, friends family.
Good luck

Original poster

sunshine624 · 08/05/2011 22:06

I have phoned childline they said unless the women reports it there is nothin that can be done as it prob drunken fights..
And i have no proof that the child is actually being hurt just because its crys alot
NOT my words this is what i was told on the phone!!

OP posts:

Original poster

sunshine624 · 08/05/2011 22:10

Thank you FlorenceMattell
I would defo go to the police when i leave so i know ive done my best it is really scary

OP posts:

FlorenceMattell · 08/05/2011 22:13

Hi Sunshine
You can still ring S Services you are only voicing your concerns not saying is definate abuse, propbably isn't but they would have to follow up. And may know of your family already. For example man may be known to them from other relationships, surpisingly common.
The family wouldnt be able to trace back to you.

scurryfunge · 08/05/2011 22:13

Childline is giving poor advice. Call the Police and/or Social Services. Don't wait until you move.

FlorenceMattell · 08/05/2011 22:14

Hope you find somewhere else Sunshine and move goes well.

expatinscotland · 08/05/2011 22:17

I'd have rung 999 the first time I heard screaming at him to get off her.

Original poster

sunshine624 · 08/05/2011 22:17

Ok thank you i will defo get on to SServices about it .

I did not mean to upset anyone over it sorry if i did.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 08/05/2011 22:28

I am outraged at the advice that you have been given by childline. DV 'flags up' a referal to SS and they should have told you to contact them. They may be already under the scrutiny of SS and the more weight that is added the more the possibility that the children will be helped out of the situation that they are in. You don't know if he is the 'problem' so let the proffessionals deal with it. Call the police if you are worried during the night, you are probably not the only one disturbed by them. You do not have to keep a diary if that is to much for you, childline should not have put that responsibility on to you.

saffy85 · 08/05/2011 22:35

I'd have rang 999 when I heard her screaming at him to get off of her. They wouldn't tell them who rang, could be anyone really if they're that loud.

at Childlines' advice. Someone's possibly being battered by their partner with their kids in the house possibly being abused too, and they're telling you to keep a fucking diary? What the hell for? To be read out at the inquest if one of them ends up dead?

I understand you're scared, this man sounds scary but if you're scared listening to them from next door think how totally terrified those children must be.

SnuffleTurtle153 · 09/05/2011 21:32

You don't need to tell police who you are even. Just call 999 next time it happens and give the neighbours' address and say you can hear screaming. DA is classified as an immediate call and they'll be there within minutes. There must be other houses around... He won't have any idea that it was you who called.

mrspnut · 09/05/2011 21:45

Police, and report it. Tell them you were passing the house and heard screaming and possible DA.

The police pass a report to SS of every DA call they attend where there are children present. We used to arrive at the office on a monday morning to reams of them on the fax machine.

Hardhatonamission · 09/05/2011 21:47

Report it to the police, they can prosecute without her consent if they feel there is enough cause to, which it sounds like there is. If nothing else ring social services or your health visitor to get someone round there soon.

If you do ring the police ring when they are fighting then the police will have to prosecute.

FabbyChic · 09/05/2011 22:09

I lived next door to this and called the police, there is no way I would stand by and listen to it not in a million years, I hate violence of any kind but especially when it is a so called partner doing it to his girlfriend/wife

skybluepearl · 09/05/2011 22:40

ring ss.

Buddhastic · 10/05/2011 06:02

OP would it be obvious that you were the one that called the police or are there other neighbours who would hear it to? If it wouldn't be then call the police at the next argument. I would however be calling SS now rather than later. Baby P springs to mind that poor wee boy and so many 'if onlys'.

Buddhastic · 10/05/2011 06:07

Oh and sunshine don't be sorry for posting on here sometimes you just have to hear it from someone else for it to make sense. You had doubts after you called 'childline' who should have offered better advice and as they are experienced in dealing with similar situations I think its natural to doubt yourself after that. Good Luck.

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