AIBU in using porn as way of getting myself in the mood...

[smoiagain]

Going anon for this one. Happily married, 3dcs under 5, sex drive has taken a nose dive since small kids. Can go for a few weeks of nothing. I know it bothers DH so I've been trying harder... maybe a bit too hard?
I would cringe with embarrassment if DH found out but the past few times to get myself in the mood, I have had a quick peek at some porn. Not usually my cup of tea at all and I would hate if DH was getting off on it (!) which of course makes me a hypocrite.
I have such a low sex drive and would be more than happy to leave it for months on end.
So for DH I feel maybe this should be my little secret. He doesn't need to know. I am doing it for him after all. I look at it, get turned on, go find DH, we have a really good ahem, session, everybody happy. Right? Wrong, I feel guilty about my little secret.

Am I being unreasonable?

i say go for it girl
but hey wouldn't it be better to watch some together??

Why not watch it with him as foreplay?

agree Fabby, and why not make it really interesting by letting each other pick what type of porn to watch
may open up a whole new world of fantasy for you both

I do not think you are doing any harm - I think it is just to put you in the mood which is sometimes very hard with a young family to care for. However, now you could take it a step further and ask to watch it with your partner and you won't have to feel guilty anymore!! Just have a couple of drinks with him at the weekends and say something along the lines of "Oh you know what would be funny? Let's put some porn on!!" - and gauge his reaction!

Goodluck - or you could always buy some new sexy under wear to help get you in the mood !!

Squeakytoy - are you going to remind people who put 'porn is fine' and 'no harm in it' to put the word 'some' in their posts as well?

Oh for gods sake it's just porn.
Watch it and enjoy it.

If you'd posted this in Feminism, and/or were a man they'd be hosing you off the thread walls by now

I used to love Literotica. After a while though I found it was having a bad effect on intimacy with DP though, ie I'd find myself thinking porny thoughts instead of concentrating on the present moment.

I sympathise with your predicament though, as I definitely have a lower sex drive than DP.

no, if she had posted in Feminism people would be picking up on her 9.22 post and saying 'hang on, why is it OP that is defined as having a 'problem' with her libido that she feels she has to solve through use of porn, while her dh's higher sex drive is treated as normal?'

not feeling like sex after a day of small children grabbing hold of you is pretty normal. What you do about incompatible sex drives is a whole other question of course but a woman should not feel like there is something wrong with her because she wants less sex than her husband does.

Squeakytoy - I guess there may be some porn in which the women involved in it are not coerced in some manner (either directly or because of their own issues/past abuse/lack of choice/substance abuse problems etc) but the porn industry, as a whole, is one which is very abusive to women, so I suppose my post was couched in more general terms, though accept that perhaps was not clear.

If you are uncomfortable with visual porn (sex-traffiking etc), try some erotic literature. Much more discreet and certainly works for me.

Sorry - OP, I see from Page 1 you have already considered literature.

"Angel of Lust" by Lia Anderssen is my personal fave.