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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to be known as Ms. rather than Miss. on my passport?

49 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 08/05/2011 12:46

I have been married 5 years and have chosen not to change my surname to my husband's. My parents gave me the name Doll Dagga Buzzbuzz at birth.

On our joint account I am Ms. DG.Buzzbuzz as I prefer to be known as Ms. but on my passport and driving licence I am still Miss. Doll Dagga Buzzbuzz.

My passport is now due for renewal and I want to be officially known as Ms. Buzzbuzz but my husband says I will have to send off my marriage certificate to prove I am not a Miss anymore

I have typed the question into google and was advised that I can change my title from Miss. to Ms. by deed poll with a charge of £5

I thought oh fuck it I will remain a Miss. then I don't remember ever requesting to be addressed as Miss in the first place. I wouldn't care about the damn title but I don't want a load of hassle at the airport if my flight tickets do not exactly match the details on my passport. Isn't there an option of NO title? Could I just remain a Miss. to keep things simpler?

AIBU?

OP posts:

Niceguy2 · 08/05/2011 15:35

As said, passports don't have titles any longer so thus is a non-issue. That said, if it did I'd pay a fiver if it's that important rather than moan about it.

icooksocks · 08/05/2011 15:43

I still travel as Miss maidenname as I'm far to tight to change it to my married name. I'd only had my passport a year when we got married, no way was I paying £72 for a new one.
I don't get womens reluctance to be Mrs though, I don't see it as belonging to dh, its just a title. I think he would have been rather miffed if I'd decided not to become Mrs Marriedname.

frgaaah · 08/05/2011 16:06

Your DH is being an ignorant arse.

I'm a Ms. Always have been since about 12 (when I realised what all the titles truly meant and saw that I could choose), before marriage, now I'm married, whatever. Always will be.

My passport shows no title. I believe my driving license is the same.

There is no requirement to "change" your title by deed poll because titles are chosen by the individual concerned. The only change that would be required by deed poll is your first name, or surname, etc.

Re: the marriage certificate - you can be legally known by your married name (Mrs HusbandsName) just by presenting it. You also also still be known as your maiden name just by continuation of use. There is no legal requirement around this. And for the record, I'm known as Ms MaidenName on 99% of my legal documents but I did have to open a single , unused bank account with my so called married name due to old relatives refusing to acknowledge that I'd continue to be known as Ms MaidenName profesionally and at home - how disrespectful, eh?

I do wonder where your DH has heard this inaccurate and misleading information, and believed it enough to actually pass it on. Ignore him.

frgaaah · 08/05/2011 16:09

"I don't get womens reluctance to be Mrs though, I don't see it as belonging to dh, its just a title. I think he would have been rather miffed if I'd decided not to become Mrs Marriedname."

icooksocks, there are many women who would strongly disagree with you (about what it means to them, to others, to their husbands). There was a thread on AIBU within the last week or two on this very subject. In fact there was even a spin off thread.

However, that's not helpful to the OP. "I don't see why you want X, it's invalid, you should do Y instead" isn't particularly helpful if the OP has posted "I want X", is it?

So, whilst you may not understand why the OP doesn't want to be known as Mrs HusbandsName, can you at least do the respectful thing and acknowledge that, for some women, there's more to it than you admit to being able to comprehend?

Grrrarrrgghh · 08/05/2011 16:17

Not another Ms/ Mrs thread. icooksocks, prepare to be patronised for daring to disagree because 'you fail to comprehend'
Do run along angry feminists...

frgaaah · 08/05/2011 16:21

Loving the name, Grrrarrrgghh!

icooksocks · 08/05/2011 16:34

Forewarned and armed-thanks for the tip
I do concede that I may not have been totally helpful though. [shrugs]

Grrrarrrgghh · 08/05/2011 16:42

Sorry, I just got fed up last week of being patronised because I disagree. And I have read up about the feminist views on Mrs/Ms, I am still happy to be Mrs.
I was prepared to have my ideas challenged, went and lurked and read on the feminist boards for a couple of days. And what I gathered from them was that it's not that we should be free as women to make our own choices, having gathered information on them. It came across that we should agree with them (feminists), or we are 'ignorant' and letting the side down...

I know this is completely off the point of the OP (sorry again) but it is just too soon after the other threads for me to hold back.
I'm really quite introverted really...

Maybe I should just hide all these threads and have done with it.

frgaaah · 08/05/2011 16:47

"I have read up about the feminist views on Mrs/Ms, I am still happy to be Mrs."

Actually, that's pretty much nailed it. You won't find me having a problem with that at all - whatever suits you I just can't abide when others come out with stuff like "well I don't have a problem with it, so why do you"/"it's trivial, ignore it" (or some such stuff) which basically serves to simply invalidate the other person's viewpoint. Perhaps I'm slightly too militant - it comes from having such a wave of the hand/sneer from lots of relatives in the matter, it instantly gets me in confrontation mode!

prettybird · 08/05/2011 16:56

Mrsbuzzbuzz : whatever turns him on :)

.... at least you now know you don't need to do any deedpoll stuff. As it happens, I think there is something to be said for all adult women "claiming" Mrs rather than using Ms, which to some people has unreasonable negative connotations. However, I think Ms is now too entrenched.

bazinga · 10/06/2011 10:39

is ms a married title like mrs? does anyone know if you can change your title to mrs without being married just i we cant afford to get married but want to be known as mrs turner on my documents was going to change it by deed poll but dont know if i can.

Kallista · 10/06/2011 11:12

Ooh i like being a Miss.
It sounds intelligent and old-fashioned. Like Miss Marple ;-).

EricNorthmansMistress · 10/06/2011 12:00

Bazinga

MS is a title that is the equivalent to Mr - ie doesn't denote marital status.

Titles are completely up to you. You do not have a 'legal' title so absolutely no need to change your title by deedpoll (WTF? Have heard some man-wankery in the past, but that is quite something). You also don't have to 'prove' you aren't a Mrs by providing your marriage certificate.

Basically, you use whatever title you like. You can call yourself Mrs Bazinga, or change your name by deedpoll and be Mrs Bazinga'sDH. Bear in mind you can get married for very little at the registry office and it's around £80 to change by deedpoll but that's up to you.

There is no legal requirement to change anything about your name or title on marriage and if you do, you are still allowed to use your maiden name. You don't lose your maiden name, and you don't have to change it back by deedpoll should you ever want to.

quiddity · 10/06/2011 12:13

bazinga, ms just means you're a female person. You can use it if you're married, single, divorced, whatever.
And yes, you can call yourself mrs anything you want to.

knobbysEx · 23/06/2011 21:29

I'm a Ms. I insist on it. Though I did, as a young slip of a girl, think it meant you were gay. I remember Ms Claire Short being the only Ms. on telly. And she was WELL butch! :o)
I went to see an estate agent once, and he put "Miss" without asking me.
I said "It's Ms."
He said, "why, are you divorced?"
"NO"
"Have you been married?"
"NO"
"Well Ms. means you're divorced or separated"
"No it doesn't. It means it's none of your (fucking) business (COCK)"

knobbysEx · 23/06/2011 21:34

AND I think that the parents of Doll Dagga Buzz Buzz gave her such a lovely name at birth, WHY should she change it? i too, was given a beautiful and striking name by my Dparents.
I don't get why I would have a different name on my headstone to the name I had on my birth certificate, and that I was known by for the biggest partof my life. PLUS Ex DP Knobby's mum has changed her name four times, and has kids with different surnames. I rest my case. Why bother?

knobbysEx · 23/06/2011 21:40

I'd love to know how DH reacts to being called Mr Buzzbuzz:o)

iggitwotimes · 23/06/2011 22:14

Don't understand why OP said she wanted to be known as Ms, gets loads of support for her pov, and then completely backtracks. Very odd.

Original poster

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 23/06/2011 22:15

I'd like to thank knobby for the compliment about the name I was given by my parents.

DH feigns displeasure at being called Mr Buzzbuzz - however, it turns me on!

OP posts:

eurochick · 23/06/2011 22:25

I've been Ms Eurochick for everything from the age of 15, before and after marriage. As others have said, there is no title on passports. And I think your husband is being a twat for filling in the form in a way that goes against your wishes. I'd get another form and do it again, personally.

Alphababe · 24/06/2011 07:39

You can use the title mrs if you want to. My husband took my name when we were married (his was shite) so we are known as Mr and Mrs. As for titles you don't need prove by deed poll which you. Saying that a deed poll is only a piece of paper declaring your intentions and witness by someone so no big deal. You don't need to go to a solicitor to get one you can print it out and sign/have it witnessed yourself.

Alphababe · 24/06/2011 07:39

prove by deed poll which you are*

Alphababe · 24/06/2011 07:43

for those who need it... freedeedpoll.co.uk/

ChocolateBananas · 02/07/2011 17:13

I am known as a Miss, I dont like it, I'd much rather be known by my name, not my title!

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