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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To object to two comments made by two different doctors

25 replies

shandyleer · 07/05/2011 21:32

Dh's nose began bleeding on Wednesday night and is still bleeding now (has lots of health issues). He has been in hospital since yesterday.

Yesterday, a doc told him not to worry about his blood loss. She said to me "we girls know a little bit of blood goes a long way". Seemed a bit inappropriate, and also dismissive of the large amount of blood he had lost to that point. Or is that just me.

Doc today was trying to insert something up his nose and commented on something that was well documented in his admission notes. She claimed it wasn't. She then went on to ask DH if he had ever had a general anaesthetic. He's had loads (been ill for 20 years) and if she had even so much as glanced at his notes she would have known this. I felt angry on his behalf, so much suffering and pain and doc in charge can't even read his notes. Would anyone else have felt this way or am I BU.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 07/05/2011 21:35

I think the first Doc was trying to be friendly and put your mind at rest.

The second one should definitely have read the notes.

pollyblue · 07/05/2011 21:35

No YANBU, but it happens sadly. I went in for a post-op check-up a couple of years ago and saw the consultants right-hand man, who I'd never met before. He was adamant I'd just had my right ovary and fallopian tube removed and got a bit huffy when I said no, I do hope not.....He actually argued with me before opening my notes and checking.....

bustersmummy · 07/05/2011 21:36

YANBU

I would complain.

But I am old and very bolshie so maybe not the best person to give advice

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 21:37

I agree with Worra. The first doctor was trying to reassure you and help you not to worry. The second one should be reading the notes.

Punkatheart · 07/05/2011 21:37

Doctors who do not read patient's notes should have a thermometer shoved in an inappropriate place. It is just not on and sometimes, can be dangerous. Like the doctor who prescribed tablets for my mother which were dangerous for one of her other health issues. Luckily, I spotted it.

The comment about the blood is daft, inappropriate and inaccurate. Menstrual blood and other blood are different things, different causes. Surely a bloomin' doctor knows that. I do.

Poor soul. Let's hope he has better care. No you are not being unreasonable at all.....

DilysPrice · 07/05/2011 21:37

I think the first doctor was making a valid point, reassuring you that quite small volumes of liquid can make a scary amount of mess.
The second one was crap.

troisgarcons · 07/05/2011 21:57

Alternatively the 2nd doc might have been asking the patient about their medaical history rather than relying on the ineptitude of the input clerks who previously wrote notes up...especially now it;s outsourced to an NHS Indian call centre.

Now think on .... AIBU? probably

Original poster

shandyleer · 07/05/2011 22:02

Thank you for responses. I sometimes get a bit sensitive on his behalf as he has endured so much, so its interesting to get your perspectives. Punk, how lucky was that doc that you spotted his mistake?

OP posts:

florencedougal · 07/05/2011 22:02

agree with trois

they probs did read the notes but wanted to check with the patient as mistakes have been known to occur i.e. wrong notes, wrong clerical input

atswimtwolengths · 07/05/2011 22:32

Janury (a long time ago now :() I saw my GP - asked him to remove my coil - told him I was newly married and planning to get pregnant.

May (same year) - hadn't seen the doctor in between - told him I'd found out I was pregnant. He offered me an abortion.

Aged 30. Newly married. Planning a baby. Abortion WAS the obvious answer, wasn't it?

ZillahWhoDrankTooMuchGin · 07/05/2011 22:35

When Dh was rolling round in agony the female doc nudged me and said something along the lines of typical man eh? probably just indigestion....i know my Dh is not the 'man flu' type and told her so - she laughed...

Yup - that'll be his appendix wrapping itself round his bowel then

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 07/05/2011 22:37

Most inappropriate comment from doctor not reading notes properly:

DTD2 admitted to hospital for D+V (premature)

(DTD1 was stillborn)

Doc: "Ah, I see she's a twin, what have you done with the other one?"

MercurySoccer · 07/05/2011 22:41

YANBU. Unfortunately this sort of mistake doesn't seem uncommon.

NulliusInVerba · 07/05/2011 22:44

atswintwolengths - that is terrible. Really sometimes people should ask more questions before giving "advice". I was told to abort my child so I know how you feel. I was very angry at the Dr.

Loopyloops - OMG, what exactly did he think the answer to that would be? And what could you "have done with" her?

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 07/05/2011 22:45

I think he thought I'd left her at home. :( I wish. :(

NulliusInVerba · 07/05/2011 22:54

Oh loopyloops :( How insensitive. I hope he apologised when you explained.

mrsgboring · 07/05/2011 23:05

It is one thing to check that the notes are correct by asking questions of the patient, it is another to hold a set of notes (presumably thick with paperwork if your DH has been ill a long time) and not at least take a second to work out what you're dealing with.

Loopyloops so and for you. My DD was stillborn and I've had similar comments and questions. I found people were quite good during my pregnancy with DS1 but with DS2 a different story - even when the butterfly symbol and several medical warning stickers are attached to the FRONT of the notes. It seems notes are what you hold while you ask the patient to go over a lot of distressing details verbally (taking up the entire appointment time). Midwives were the very worst for this IME.

hormonesnomore · 07/05/2011 23:11

YANBU - they were both insensitive comments.

Loopyloops. Some doctors really need to engage their brains before speaking.

My mother was referred to hospital for unexplained oedema in her leg. Without looking at her, the doctor asked 'how are your periods?' She was speechless at this comment as she was 70 at the time.

onceamai · 07/05/2011 23:14

I think the attention to detail and bedside manner will improve if ever they have to present their bills. Would you go back twice to a vet who was rude or appeared incompetent/out of date?

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 07/05/2011 23:15

Yes, unfortunately it is very common.

Many medical professionals seem to think it will do you good to talk about it all to them, assuming they are the only bloody person in the world who holds this high opinion of themselves. And yes, it does often seem to be midwives.

Nullius, I didn't really explain, I cried and growled at him to read his notes. I think he did apologise.

Mrsgb - on tangeant here, but I've been meaning to ask on the bereavement boards... When people ask you how many children you have, what do you say? Someone asked me (re this pregnancy) if this was my first the other day. I hesitated for a long time, then said no. She waited until I told her how many I had had. I did say two, but felt silly for some reason. Also, on here, Do I call this next child DC3?

Original poster

shandyleer · 07/05/2011 23:17

atswim - its so demeaning when it seems that the doc has no idea about you or your circumstances. I was following a pair of docs down a ward a while ago. They were about to perform some sort of procedure on an elderly man in the bed opposite DH. As they were approaching the man's bed I heard one of them whisper to his colleague "What's his name?" It just struck me as terribly sad that they were about to do something very personal and intimate and yet didn't even know the poor chap's name.

Loopy, how awful. Sorry to hear of your loss.

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UrsulaBuffay · 07/05/2011 23:20

First Dr I agree was fine, blood from the nose can me mixed with other fluids so can look like more. The second one you'd have a valid complaint about, that kind of error can be vv serious.

stanausauruswrecks · 07/05/2011 23:22

May I come at this from the other side?
I work with patients undergoing cardiac surgery. I read their notes beforehand, so know what their history is, but it's useful to actually sit down with a patient, and hear their story of how they have ended up coming to see me. Can highlight if a pt is particularly anxious, or if they've had a negative experience in hospital in the past. If there is anything in the notes that the patient hasn't mentioned, then I bring it up.
The other thing to consider is that as he has some sort of chronic health complaint, then he is going to be the expert in his condition, and know if there is going to be a problem with anasthesia - much quicker to ask him about his health (which the medic would have to do as part of the clerking process) than wade through a wad of notes.

FlamingFannyDrawers · 07/05/2011 23:27

LoopyLoops that is terrible :(

Some HCP's are shockingly bad. I remember going to the doctor about back pain when i was about 6 months pregnant. He asked me to touch my toes about 20 times, he didnt even know I was pregnant! Ok i was overweight but for gods sake give me a break. I told him to check his notes (after attempting the workout, silly me)

Original poster

shandyleer · 07/05/2011 23:31

Totally get your point stanasaurus. Point in this case though is that she hadn't asked him anything (thus suggesting she had genned up from notes) and was actually half way through the procedure when she noticed what she noticed.

In the grand scheme of things, neither comment really matters that much, I don't intend to do anything about them. It's just upsetting sometimes to see a loved one being treated like just another "case" (in case of doc number 2).

OP posts:

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