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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to phone the school and report this?

51 replies

nickschick · 07/05/2011 18:58

On Tuesday I nipped to the library - outside the library was a group of schoolchildren aged about 8 with 3 ladies who I assumed were helpers or teaching assistants......as I got closer my blood began to boil Angry this 'woman' I presumed she was the teacher (it was later confirmed)was quite honestly screeching her head off and pointing with force into a young childs face saying theyd spoilt it on thursday and were now doing it again ....this tirade of madness went on for quite a while I pointedly stood there staring at the woman in the hopes Id shame her into stopping - I wanted to approach her and tell her to stop but because there were a lot of children there I didnt think this was wise - another lady stood there too absolutely astounded and as the screeching subsided we went into the library together - the front of our library is the tourist information bit and the ladies at the desk were shocked too.

As I went into the actual library the assistant asked me if there was a fight outside? the noise was that bad.

The teacher walked by with her class of very subdued children without any remorse or hint of shame ......this really played on my mind those children were far too young to be barracked like this and so I telephoned the school and reported it to the headmaster.

I know it was the right thing to do but I feel bad I couldnt do anything directly at the time to stop her.

OP posts:
Butterpiecrimearea · 07/05/2011 19:24

There is reprimanding, and there is shouting in a child's face. NEVER ok, especially not to someone else's child.

Well done OP. If my child had been in that class I would have withdrawn them from the school. It is damaging to see disrespect to another human being like that.

troisgarcons · 07/05/2011 19:26

flopsiebear Sat 07-May-11 19:18:12
If I walked past and a teacher was screeching and pointing in the face of my child they would be missing a few teeth shortly after

possibly why education is the shittest job to be in - violent parents who dont instill decent behaviour in their children and leave it for others to pick up

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 07/05/2011 19:28

screeching and jabbing towards a child with your finger is threatening and intimidating behaviour and very unprofessional. Yes, teachers raise their voices. But screeching? My understanding of the word screeching is that it is high pitched, loud, out of control rage. That is not acceptable. Nor is jabbing towards a child's face. finger in your face while someone screeches at you?

Would you take that from your boss, for example? You do something at work, make a mistake maybe, and the boss calls you into their office, looms over you, starts screeching into your face and jabbing their finger at you?

I wouldn't take that, it's unacceptable behaviour. teacher-student, employer-employee - same thing.

Popbiscuit · 07/05/2011 19:28

These busy-body threads are getting to be a bit too much. You have no idea what the child did wrong! If the teacher behaves like that on a regular basis then I'm sure the school is aware of it. I feel like shrieking at my children when they misbehave in the library; it's absolutely mortifying. Usually I don't but then I only have three to keep in line; not a whole crowd. YABU unless the child actually WAS melting--then for sure you need to alert someone.

anonymosity · 07/05/2011 19:41

Popbiscuit you sound like something out of the 1950s.

ashamedandconfused · 07/05/2011 19:49

POPBISCUIT - if the teacher is doing that on a regular basis, then how will the head know if noone reports her? It can be hard for TAs etc to "grass" because it will be obvious where the complaint came from, but passers by/library staff who felt shocked and concerned enough to phone the school - 2 calls on the same day - then the head should hear alarm bells and get to the bottom of it - what about the reputation of the school apart from anything esle - doing that in such a public place was never a good idea - a menacing "you wait till we get back to school" would have been much better

RJRabbit · 07/05/2011 20:02

Nobody deserves to be humiliated like that in public, least of all a little child who has absolutely no recourse.

psiloveyou · 07/05/2011 20:02

Well done op. There is no need to shout at children like that.

In a meeting last week one of my foster dc was asked why she behaved for me but wouldn't for her mum.
She said:
"well my mum screams at me but I know she wont do the stuff she threatens. *** just gives me a look that I know means you are really pissing me off now and if you don't stop there will be consequences, and I now she means it" Grin

Ihavewelliesbuttheyrenotgreen · 07/05/2011 20:03

Well you were there, you have experience working with children and teachers and you thought it was inappropriate, so maybe we have to go with your judgement. I work with young people with special needs and I always think that if you can't be patient that you should just not work in situations like these. You need a lot of patience to work in caring/teaching professions. Shouting is not acceptable imo unless initially to get the attention of a loud group who you can't be heard over. You should be able to communicate using tone, words, eye contact and body language.

gkys · 07/05/2011 20:23

you did the right thing, children do not go to school to be treated that way

wotnochocs · 08/05/2011 12:41

How was it later confirmed that the woman was a teacher?

handsomeharry · 08/05/2011 12:45

I am struggling to understand why a HT would discuss this matter with you in such a way. She/he should not have identifed the member of staff to you or discussed other complaints made.

A bit worrying actually. If or when I phone my DC's HT with a concern I would like to think the matter was confidential and there was no possibility of it being discussed with a member of the public!

Side issue I know, but a bit of a concern.

GypsyMoth · 08/05/2011 12:52

where was the Librarian in all this??

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/05/2011 12:59

flopsiebear

"they would be missing a few teeth shortly after"
----
I really hope that you are not alowed on the school grounds.

valiumredhead · 08/05/2011 13:11

You have NO idea what the child had done to deserve such a severe telling off.

fedupofnamechanging · 08/05/2011 14:02

You can tell a child off, but it's not necessary, especially at primary school age to screech and jab your finger at a child.

I wouldn't scream at my child and I wouldn't tolerate their teacher doing it either. The most effective teachers can express anger/disappointment just as well, by speaking quietly. Screaming is a loss of control and that's not good in a teacher.

Original poster
nickschick · 08/05/2011 19:02

The HT didnt say the name of the tescher (nor would i expect him to)he identified from my description it was the teacher - how would it have been if the person i described was not the teacher,but a random person ? it makes sense to ask for a description and then ascertain who it was with regards to whether it was a member of staff or not.

Sometimes I think I live in a different world to some posters on here .....do any of you really accept this as appropriate?

Even if God forbid the child had done something so bad the teacher is an educator,a professional and should behave like one.

OP posts:
MothershipG · 08/05/2011 19:17

YANBU - to recognise this as inappropriate behaviour and report it.

YABU - to post it on AIBU and then be surprised when people don't agree with you.

handsomeharry · 08/05/2011 19:30

I am just surprised the HT confirmed it was a teacher and didn't just take the information from you. My understanding from you was that the HT already had had another complaint and so already realized it wasn't a 'random person' and that he also reported this conversation to you. I find that odd and commented on it.

Sorry if I went off topic. I was making no judgement of you at all.

florencedougal · 08/05/2011 19:36

bit OT but did anyone read this - seems like common sense is surely deceased and buried :(

Telegraph story

Mishy1234 · 08/05/2011 19:37

Good on you for reporting it. A lot of people would just be shocked and not do anything at all. It was totally unacceptable, no matter what the child had done.

takethisonehereforastart · 08/05/2011 19:41

YANBU. It's the comment about 'pointing with force' and the one about how they 'spoilt it on Thursday'.

The child may have done something very wrong or s/he may have just been messing about a bit or talking too loudly in the library. And whatever went on on Thursday should have been dealt with on Thursday and not brought up again.

But either way, I wouldn't like someone jabbing their finger in my face and shouting at me, an adult certainly shouldn't be doing that to a child.

podsquash · 08/05/2011 19:46

well done, OP. Now it is with the right person to find out what happened and hopefullly make a sensible judgement. Which none of us can. Reporting it to the appropriate parties is always the right thing to do. The head should know how to deal with it.

Popbiscuit · 08/05/2011 22:31

Common sense IS dead and buried. I think there is something to be said for a public dressing-down if a child is being unruly, disruptive, argumentative, defiant or is otherwise undoing the efforts of the teacher in charge to keep her pupils safe and on-task. Again; we don't know what the student was doing wrong and most 8/9 year olds are intelligent enough to realize if are being treated unjustly. I can imagine various scenarios that would warrant pointing of fingers and reminders of previous misdemeanours. Teachers should have a zero-tolerance policy for poor behaviour on public outings; if you had witnessed the student behaving poorly that would surely have influenced your perception of the school and it's ability to discipline the students?

tethersend · 08/05/2011 22:39

YANBU.

I teach teenagers with emotional and behavioural difficulties and have had to stop them punching members of the public, stealing, shouting abuse and generally being a credit to the school whilst out on school trips and I nor any of my colleagues would point a finger in their face and scream at them. Why?

Because it doesn't fucking work. It causes more damage.

There's nothing the child could have done to make that an appropriate professional response.

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