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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hire Cap and Gown and have a set of photos taken because I didn't get to my Graduation ceremony?

48 replies

MittzyTheMinx · 07/05/2011 18:01

It was for a sad reason and for a long time I have just shoved it to the back of my mind. The Certificate for my degree is just put away as I wanted to just forget about it but a friend was and suggested doing this.

Would it be poncy and a little bit sad especially as I graduated in 1997?

I sort of like the idea but feel self conscious about it.

OP posts:

countless · 07/05/2011 20:52

there you go, in agreement with bloodymofo!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/05/2011 00:12

That's incredibly hurtful behaviour on the part of both your birth and foster mothers LoopyLoopsBettyBoop, but don't allow their crass insensitivity to rain on your parade as nothing can take away what you've achieved

I raise my and say "WELL DONE YOU"!!!

norwegianwood · 08/05/2011 00:26

If I were you I would treat yourself to an expensive outfit, get your photo taken and have it put in a frame along with your certificate to remind yourself of all you have achieved.
So not really trying to recreate the past but acknowledging your achievement. Make it a day to remember, clothes, make up, the lot and say to yourself a Bloody Well Done.

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 08/05/2011 00:27

Shucks, thanks izzy.

cottonreels · 08/05/2011 08:19

If I were you Id do it. Join the Groupon site and wait for a photo offer - they come up all the time. You could even borrow a cap and gown, if you want to keep the cost down, check to see if anyone you know owns one. Take a friend, get the photo shoot over with then go to a fancy bar for a cocktail. Maybe you could come up with a list of 10 doable at home art projects you could do over the next year while getting merry.
Celebrate it, doesnt matter if its late.

greencaveman · 08/05/2011 08:26

Do it.

In fact, at my university, if you wanted an "official" photo, you had to go to a shop a few days before graduation and they would dress you up in the kit (and give you a fake rolled up degree certificate) and take a professional photo. Then you go to your graduation a few days later and get the real one. So my graduation photos are no different to the ones you are considering taking.

Original poster

MittzyTheMinx · 08/05/2011 10:45

Yeah Loopy, they know how to hit you where it hurts don't they? I am for you.

Painting has been my life, although not much time at the moment and when I opted to go to College/Uni my Father told me he would never discuss Art with me again.
And to this day hasn't. Never showed an interest in my Degree or attended my Degree show.

Maybe I just need to talk it through.

I like the framing thing and have no idea why I have never thought to do so. Just shoved it away as a painful reminder but I guess I can re-own it.

Karma, I understand that lots of peoples loves don't follow the path they hoped for but Painting is just it for me really. Long life story about how I got to this point but have never ever lost hope of rekindling the chance to exhibit, the buzz of even a small exhibition, seeing your work grow from a blank piece of paper to hanging on a wall and the thrill of sharing that with someone,
I guess that's what I need to focus on but where I am now there are just so many bloody obstacles.

Perhaps I could buy a Cap and Gown and do an installation piece about it........

OP posts:

Original poster

MittzyTheMinx · 08/05/2011 10:46

Thanks ever so much though. I feel better about it now .

And special to Crispy x

OP posts:

helenthemadex · 08/05/2011 10:53

It wont be the same as the actual day but if it will make you feel better why not

what would you do with the pictures, mine are stuffed in a drawer somewhere

littleomar · 08/05/2011 10:58

i think it's a bit odd. i've got two degrees and didn't go to a graduation ceremony for either (the first didn't have a proper 'do', the second was because someone in the family was seriously ill).

i think you are right to focus on your work (you did the degree to help you get to what you really wanted to do, not so you could have some photos of you in a wack hat)

jeee · 08/05/2011 11:04

If you want to, do it. My sister missed her graduation (she was in ITU at the time). She was going to go to the next graduation ceremony, but once again was in ITU. At that point she gave up with the idea of the ceremony, but did get a photo. The university sent a photographer to the hospital she was in. That picture meant a lot to her and my parents.

I think photos can be important - although I've got no idea where my photos are.

Yama · 08/05/2011 11:10

YANBU. I graduated in 1998 but didn't want photos taken (don't know why). My Mum is still disappointed. For years she offered to hire a Cap and Gown and pay for photos.

Do it.

Original poster

MittzyTheMinx · 08/05/2011 11:58

Littleomar.. I suppose there is an element of the fact that it was not my choice not to enjoy me degree show or graduate with the full works. And maybe I am railing against that a bit.

It has always hurt but after all this time I am now confident enough to think I'd like to do something about it rather than merely being a 'victim'. IYSWIM.

Perhaps we could have an MN graduation party for those of who for whatever reason missed out but feel the need to mark the event.

OP posts:

Liv77 · 08/05/2011 12:15

Get the photo done if you want one.
Ignore any comments saying it's been too long and you'll look too old in the pictures, there are plenty of mature students.

TheSmallClanger · 08/05/2011 12:30

Totally do an installation piece! Grab the inspiration from wherever you can, and turn your negative feelings into something creative.

I've never got the fuss about graduation ceremonies. They are boring. You have to wear stupid clothes. They happen months after you know your degree classification and are a total anticlimax. In my case, it happened months after I had started at another university. I neglected to tell my parents the date.

ohmyfucksy · 08/05/2011 13:51

I do think it is a teeny bit sad tbh. I didn't go to either of my graduation ceremonies because it meant missing work and therefore losing money. Plus they're really boring.

crystalglasses · 08/05/2011 14:02

Do it. you're worth it and if it doesn't meet your expectations, at least you've tried. Hiring the regalia is expensive but at least you will have the photos.

Alternatively, contrive to go to a friends' graduation (although this may be difficult because, first find a friend who also has a spare ticket) or that of your own dc when the eventually graduate. You can then borrow their hat and gown during the reception and have some silly and informal photos taken. I may be wrong but suspect the most important thing to you is actually being able to put on the cap and gown, which is your right and a perfectly natural feeling.

barbie007 · 08/05/2011 16:22

mittzy...it sounds to me that you're more bothered about the fact that your dreams haven't been fulfilled. And about how your father has behaved

My parents weren't bothered about attending my graduation, it meant nothing to them and as a consequence I didn't want to go either. I didn't go and now I regret it. As I mother, there is no way I would miss such an important day in my kids' life....it hurts that neither of my parents wanted to go but that's not the only important milestone they have deliberately missed. I feel for you...just do what you want with your art and see where it takes you.
Looploop...sad for you:(

fedupofnamechanging · 08/05/2011 16:43

Mittzy, you (hopefully) have a long life ahead of you and I'm sure the time will come when you can follow your dream. I think you are very lucky to have a passion and a talent and to know exactly what it is that you want to do.

You sound passionate when you talk about it, so I think it will all work out for you, if not now, then in the future. Good luck

fedupofnamechanging · 08/05/2011 16:47

Actually, I am thinking now that if having the photo is really that important to you, then perhaps you should do it. I guess it doesn't really matter whether other people would do not bother after all this time. If it will make you feel happier, then that is what matters in the end.

cherrypez · 08/05/2011 17:56

I agree with the poster who said u will look too different after 14 yrs. And u will know in ur mind its not the actual ceremony in the picture so I dnt think it will cure ur longing. I too missed my ceremony, also for a sad reason, but I have my certificate framed on my kitchen windowsill and grin to myself whenever I wash up (I only graduated last yr)

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/05/2011 18:15

Seems to me there's enough of those who missed-the-grad-ceremony here to organise a package holiday and get at at least one free place (for BluddyMoFo?).

How about a Spring Break to Salou? Bring St Trinian's Senior School uniform, mini-gowns, joke shop mortar boards, and cameras, and make it a graduation to remember.

Original poster

MittzyTheMinx · 08/05/2011 19:08

Now that, izzywizzy, sounds like a plan!

OP posts:

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