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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick to death of my daughter's mobile phone sagas?

49 replies

LineRunner · 07/05/2011 12:17

My DD (15) persuaded me last year to get her a mobile phone via a 'cheap' contract for her birthday present. The contract is in my name, and I pay the bill. I have the insurance 'care' package. It has been useful, I'll admit, to be able to be in touch with her at various times; and she loves being able to be in constant touch with her friends.

But there always seems to be an extra charge each month for something or other. That's not so bad - I can negotiate her allowance I guess if I'm feeling particularly arsey about this - but just lately there seems to be one thing after another. She lost it when with a friend at a fair. She broke it when she was with another friend whom she claims 'stood on it'.

It's me who has to deal with all the fall-out from this. Just today I was up at 7am trying to get through to the phone company about the latest 'accident'.

Is this normal teenage behaviour that I should endure with a resigned smile? Or should I be taking the damn thing off her?

The contract runs till February, and I've told her no more phones in my name after that.

My DD is gorgeous by the way. A bright spark in my soul. But this is driving me crackers.

OP posts:
fruitshootsandheaves · 07/05/2011 12:22

oh yes , this sounds familiar

DD1 and DS1 were both a bit careless with their phones. DD1(17) always incurs extra charges. DS1(15) is much better now although did have a few 'lost' incidents.
Maybe you should stick to pay as you go so she can't keep going over her limit.

mummytime · 07/05/2011 12:26

Okay take the phone away, get a very cheap pay as you go one, and tell her she has to buy top ups herself, and stick to this if it is more than a certain amount a month (you could set this as the same as the contract charge).
I'm actually shocked she got to 15 without a mobile, mine got them at secondary when travel go more complicated (actually DD1 got it before, so she could contact me from the stables where she spends most weekends).

She needs to learn responsibility, and she needs to physically hand over money, not you deduct it at source, as then it sinks in better.

Good luck!

worraliberty · 07/05/2011 12:31

My kids have cheap pay as you go phones.

BecauseImWorthIt · 07/05/2011 12:33

PAYG and make it her responsibility. She won't be so careless then!

cricketballs · 07/05/2011 12:40

my 16 year old has had a mobile on my contract for a couple of years now; he has never managed to go 12 months with a phone not being 'accidently' broken! It is a teenager thing.....

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 07/05/2011 12:41

ditto everyone else. Get her to buy her own payg with her own money, and buy her own top ups.

youmeatsix · 07/05/2011 12:41

accidents DO happen, and some people (my oldest daughter springs to mind) seem to have their fare share, she is bright funny & responsible, but went through her phone disaster stage too (ice cream van ran over one, dont ask!)

i think since she is great in all other ways, things like this seem heightened
since you are responsible on paper for this, can you not turn over that responsibility to her, maybe up her allowance to compensate her expense, but SHE needs to take care of anything that goes wrong
then you will soon know if its carelessness or accidents

Original poster
LineRunner · 07/05/2011 12:41

The contract runs till February and it's £20 a month whether she uses it or not. Do I cut my losses and say, Well that's £180 down the toilet but at least I'll have peace of mind if I lock it in a draw and tell her to go PAYG? It seems so ... harsh.

But I've probably been a fuckwit letting her have a contract phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
LineRunner · 07/05/2011 12:46

Sorry youmeatsix just seen your message. Thank you for making me laugh over the ice cream van!

The thing is that because the contract is in my name is has to be that deals with the phone company over replacements, and waits in for the courier to sign for the replacement (that's me stuck in tonight for example from 6pm till 10pm to sign for it.)

Anyway, glad it's not just me.

OP posts:
pinkstinks · 07/05/2011 13:08

Tbh, I am 22 and am on PAYG. I dont really understand the need for children to be on a contract?

WannaBeMarryPoppins · 07/05/2011 13:15

Make her pay anything that is over the contract. Is there any chance you can actually block any additional fees piling up? As in call the company and ask them to block her from making extra charges? not sure that is possible but it's worth a try.

Breaking a phone once or twice is an accident, more is just being careless. If she breaks the phone next time take the sim and put it into a cheap (and I mean cheap here, get a 5pounds one) mobile phone. You can get them everywhere. Warn her and tell her this is going to happen. She can obviously not be trusted with an expensive phone so don't give it to her.
She will have to learn that you can not just get replacements every few months for something expensive!

I had to buy stuff like this myself as a child and saved up for months and sometimes years. It made me be really careful with the stuff.

Original poster
LineRunner · 07/05/2011 13:19

Ah pinkstinks it was the lure of "unlimited texts", "100 minutes of free calls" and other stunning attractions; and the thought of her never having the excuse again of "Sorry I couldn't phone you, I ran out of credit"; plus my DD's big blue eyes looking into mine telling me how much she loved the handset on display and ... yeah, it's official, I'm a fuckwit.

OP posts:
MrsMoppet · 07/05/2011 13:20

If it makes you feel any better (!) my DH has lost/broken/flushed/dropped in the sea/left in a foreign country(!) at leat 5 mobile phones over the course of 8 years and he is a 38-year-old man Grin so your DD sounds pretty responsible in comparison! I feel your pain though, because my DH's phone contract is in my name (I got so sick of being unable to contact him that I misguidedly signed up for a phone on his behalf, back in the days when PAYG was prohibitively expensive) and it's always me who has to speak to the phone company when the idiot dear man has another phone disaster.

I agree with the poster who said that your daughter will take much greater care of her phone if she actually has to hand over cash in order to top it up.

I'd give her one more chance to prove that she can look after the phone, and that includes not going over the monthly limit. Tell her that if any more accidents happen, she will be paying the monthly line rental out of her allowance, and if her allowance is less than £20/month then she will still be paying it off after the contract expires and she no longer has the phone. Then stick to your guns. It will teach her a valuable lesson in the long run, bless her.

pinkstinks · 07/05/2011 13:26

You are not a fuckwit at all! But for example i am on PAYG with orange and you get packages so for example I get free calls to my 'magic numbers' all the time, of which one is my mum! And I also get 300 free texts if I top up ten pounds a month, pay as your go is much better value these days without being tied up in a contract!

Original poster
LineRunner · 07/05/2011 13:32

Thanks pinkstinks that's really helpful.

Have just had call from Toy Boy who was sent to town with DD to get a new battery for her bloody phone (which phone company say they couldn't send tonight with new handset for some bizarre reason) and of course that's turned into a right fecking saga too.

I could have written a novel in all the time I've spent dealing with DD's bloody mobile phone. Or solved at least one mystery of the universe. Or something.

OP posts:
Pixielovescake · 07/05/2011 13:46

Thing is if this were me there wouldnt be much i could say. I always hoped id grow out of loosing things/breaking them but sadly it does not appear to be the case. I got my very own contract phone (in my name) when i was 21. 3 months later i left it on a train. Ive done it a few times since as well. If it was an accident then maybe dont get too angry, these things do happen (mainly to me but thats another thread)

mumeeee · 07/05/2011 13:55

DD3 19 had her phone when she was almost 16 she has lost one and broken 2 in that time, But she is now much more careful with them, But she has always had PAYG and it's her responsbility to fund it although I do sometimes put £5 on it. We were going to let her have a contract on it but she often goes on the internet on her phone and would end up going way over the limit, As it is now if her credit runs out she just waits until she has emough money to top it up again, She gets free weekend and evening texts if she tops up £10 a month.

Original poster
LineRunner · 07/05/2011 13:57

It's just the whole endless saga of the thing.

Apparently between DD and Toy Boy they couldn't even buy a fecking phone battery between the two of them in a major city centre.

I will have to do it myself presumably.

And they expect LUNCH now.

OP posts:
stoatie · 07/05/2011 14:15

Keep the contract (you are paying anyway) buy a very cheap PAYG phone on the same network, get the most basic model that will make calls and text nothing else. Put her SIM in "brick" phone -as they are known in house. Have done this with my daughter several times - she has lost/broken her flashy phones (she is 18 now). Last time she had "brick" for 4 months til contact was up for renewal and we could get new handset - she is now far more appreciative of her phone as she knows what alternative is!
PAYG can be very expensive - DD has very good offer on her contract (inc unlimited texts and internet) but knows if she incurs additional charges she will pay

stoatie · 07/05/2011 14:17

as they are known in our household

TheOriginalFAB · 07/05/2011 14:24

They can get their own lunch!

alemci · 07/05/2011 14:37

My dd is always running over on her phone. I pay the basic £15 but then make her pay the difference. Last week hers cut out and she had the cheek to borrow mine to phone her bf whilst in the garden. was not amused. I wish she would use the landline.

irishqueen · 07/05/2011 14:42

If its orange, which it sounds like as I used to work for them then anyone can sign for the phone! Get your lippy on and get out and dd can sit in on a sat night and wait

overthehillmum · 07/05/2011 14:51

my daughter had a contract phone, got it when she was 13 so she could stay in touch with her dad without me being involved!!! The bill kept creeping up, was meant to be £25 p/m, regularly became £40 - £65, told her that she had to stop phoning unless it was important.....she was 14.5 at this point, the next bill that came in was £350, she stopped phoning but was sending 100's of texts each day....the itemised bill was about 40 pages.....She got a PAYG and I still drag it up 6 years later, she had to go into protective custody...(my mum's) for a week to let me cool down...YANBU

FabbyChic · 07/05/2011 14:55

Children need to be on a contract phone because what the fuck would you do if they run out of credit and were in trouble? How would they contact you?

They couldn't could they.

My son has had a contract phone in my name for two years since he was £16 it's £10 a month on 3, he has only twice gone over the limit.

3 do great contract phones. However I don't use the insurance my argumement would be if you lose it/break it tough.