Urgent Help needed - AIBU in preventing children's father from seeing them when I suspect he is involved in some drug crap!

[RocketSalad]

I will spare you all the gore but I have pulled the plug on my ex seeing his children this weekend for the first time ever in 11 years! He has been behving oddly for the last 6 months however he has been talking in riddles for the last three. My two eldest children don't go to visit any more (19 and 17) and my 15 year old humms and haws about whether to go every weekend, sometimes he does sometimes he doesn't. 12 year old adores his dad but knows something isn't right although his loyalty would not allow him to say anything bad about his dad - fair dos really.

Dad rang tonight and spoke to daughter who said he sounded pissed. I called him at ten and he was off his head making no sense. There was some vague story he told us both about being taken to a cashpoint and removing 250 quid which neither of us could understand. My 15 year old then told a story about some new friends and being at their house and people coming round and going upstairs and then leaving again and the alarm bells are ringing big style!

Ex has been abusive on the phone tongiht when I said no to children till he sorts his shit out but I am now wondering wtf I do when he inevitably turns up here.

AIBU to stop him from seeing children completely till he sorts his shit? How do I know he has sorted his shit? Also where do I stand legally? We have no legal agreement in place as there has never been any need. He was due to pick up youngest at 8am to take him to activity. He may well still show up :( Advice needed urgently please!

YANBU. Easiest thing may be to make sure you are all out of the house when your ex calls tomorrow. Wouldn't normally recommend this course of action, but if your ex is outside and gets verbally abusive, your kids will hear this and get upset.

And then I think you need to take some advice about what you do next. No idea how good they are, but there is a telephone helpline called Frank which you can ring for advice around drugs. I think it is a Government funded helpline.

If you think he's not capable of safely and responsibly looking after the children while in sole charge, and it sounds as though you don't, then you don't have an option, really, surely?

I doubt it will come to a legal situation if he is dealing from his home, however. The last thing he's going to want is lots of official people all over him.

Were you suggesting that he was dealing while your 12 year old was there? That's not good at all.

Thanks lesley and animula. I am rather stressed and it is good to receive the feedback.

I really don't want children upset - especially youngest - he is due to go away on school trip monday for three days and I would hate for him not to be right whilst away from home!

Both my 15 and 12 year old were there when they were at a "new friends" house - people were coming round, going upstairs whilst my two boys were left downstairs alone and then leaving. Only found out this eve when 15 year old told me.

Talk to the children about it, perhaps? Last thing you need is for them to think talking about it with you = not seeing father. 12 and 15 pretty mature, so you can be clear that it's about making sure they're safe and responsibly looked after, and will be until ex is able to do that. On the other hand, I don't know you, your children, or their relationship with their father.

Taking them with him to his "new friends" sounds a. inappropriate and b. like he couldn't wait until a more appropriate (childless) opportunity. That, again, does not sound good.

Have discussed with 3 eldest - youngest was already asleep when this came about. 15 year old declared he won't go ever again so we discussed that sensibly. Youngest expecting to see dad at 8am so will have to discuss with him on way to early morning activity. That is assuming dad doesnt show here and make a scene first which is my immediate worry!

Have to say older three think he is a bit of dick - we all have the propensity however he really seems to be going for gold right now. I do think my youngest does too but still wants him to be the superhero he thought he was :(

New friends are a lesbian couple in their early twenties who dad claims fancy him (he is in his forties). Dad talks about them very inappropriately and boys think it rather sad!

None of it sounds good animula Perhaps the boys will be relieved!

Maybe he's secretly in training for a brand new Olympic event, to be unveiled for the first time in 2012: plonkery marathon.

Just trying to cheer you up. Hope tomorrow is OK. Your children sound great, though.

HAve a good night.

LOL animula! And thanks :) Feel better for talking!

Have a good night too :)