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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice re going back to work

29 replies

RubyGrace17 · 06/05/2011 21:38

Hi everyone,

I have 3 DDs- ages 5, 3 and 4 months.
I am a primary school teacher, I have not worked since DD1 was born. DH is a solicitor and works very long hours, travelling quite a bit so really the childcare is all on me in mornings and evenings until around 8pm when he comes home (by which time unless holidays, children are in bed!) but on weekends/holidays he is fantastic.
I've been considering returning to work for many reasons. I really miss it, before I left I was working my way up the ladder and was in a temporary DHT position in my school which has now been advertised again as a permenant position starting in August (we're in Scotland). We're very lucky in that money isn't much of an issue for my going back to work but I think for my own sanity, I would really like to get back into work and I worked very hard to get to where I was when I left.

The issue lies with DH. He doesn't understand why I want to go back to work when I don't "have" to. He would much rather I stay at home and look after the children and is the reason I completely gave up work in the first place instead of taking maternity and going back.

I'm really torn I adore being with the girls and doing lots of different things with them, being there to take them to all their classes, helping out at their clubs, on playdates etc. but I really feel like I need to get "me" back and feel it is time for me to get back into teaching. I have been considering it for a while and now that this job has come up (no guarantee I'll get it, of course), I think the time is right.

There are lots of issues with it- who will look after the girls. I would probably get a nanny since DD2 and 3 are still quite young and I think I'd rather they were looked after at home by one person I could trust.
However, by the time we have paid a nanny from (approx) 7-6 five days per week, plus late nights/parents nights etc., DH argues it'll barely be worth my while working as I'll be missing out on that time with the girls for not a great deal of money when all is paid. But this is because he doesn't understand why it's important to me to be back into the world of work, back doing what I love and have spent a great deal of time building up a career in. With teaching I'm lucky in that I'll still be able to have lots of time with my girls in the holidays, unlike a lot of jobs. I think part of it is his own mum was always a housewife and adored that role, still does.

Am I being unreasonable wanting to go back to work? I just genuinely don't know.

Thanks,
Ruby

OP posts:
GotArt · 07/05/2011 23:46

I agree scottish

FabbyChic · 07/05/2011 23:52

For me I feel that children should have at least one parent that they see more than they do a nanny/child minder. In my house they saw their father more as I worked with my second full time when he was 5 weeks old.

I feel that a child bonding with someone else more than their parent is wrong.

But the choice has to be yours, and if you don't feel that being a parent is more important than working, then work you must.

scottishmummy · 07/05/2011 23:56

and presumably you make choices accordingly
but seeing i dont agree, im happy to have kids in nursery ft
and thats the rub
we do wht we think/hope/believe right

GotArt · 08/05/2011 00:04

FabbyChic I guess you or your DH will be homeschooling you DC's because won't they technically be in the hands of someone else more than the parents through the day?

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