To worry about my DSS's weight?

[balia]

Wasn't sure where to put this but DH and I have been getting a bit worried about DSS's weight for a while. He's always been a chunky kid, but he has been gradually getting heavier for ages. At first we put it down to winter months, dark nights, not much exercise, but he's still piling it on.

He is 9, is just shy of 4 ft tall and just under 5 stone. This seems heavy and he looks big (not obese) but am not sure if it is normal for kids to go through kind of chunky phases? My two have always been thin as whippets but is that making me over-concerned about DSS?

Any advice?

Great idea about the cooking - I do loads of cooking with the boys but tend to do cookies, flapjack, banana bread. will start looking for healthy veggie things to do with them. Don't think you can get veggie jelly but have bought some low fat yoghurt to replace the choc mousse/creme caramel he likes. It is a bit tricky as DS really doesn't need to cut down on calories at all - he was prem and has always been a bit of a wee scrap, but we'll cross that bridge...

No, he's not allowed to have fish.

DH is still thinking about applying for more contact - primarily holiday contact as we don't have any significant chunks of time - but is wary about upsetting the ex as it is DSS who has to live with the consequences. He is having a difficult time lately, becoming more aware all the time and his big brother (not DH's son) is saying a lot of stuff to him about how he's going to run away the minute he is 16 etc.

I wonder if at some point social services and/or cafcass are going to have to be involved

Well, none of it worried them (ss, Cafcass) the first time round, not even when we were begging them to do a home visit! Well, to be fair they did give DH lots of contact which was very much against his ex's wishes, and sort out some of the more outrageous stuff that she was demanding.

DH says he's going to push to be allowed to take DSS to cubs, mostly because DSS really wants to go, but also from the confidence angle - he says he noticed the other day when they were out that DSS clings to him, wanting to hold hands in shops and sort of shrinking behind him when they talk to people etc. Although ex won't allow him to have two evenings a week, there are other family members who could take DSS to football (their kids go) and DH is hoping that as all the kit is bought and and she knows that DSS loves it, she might allow that to happen. So fingers crossed. I'm also going to look out for an activity at the local Leisure Centre as we have him 3 Saturdays out of 4, so maybe he could do some taster sessions or something, find another sport he likes.

Have started a thread in food about veggie diets and been recommended a good website so have a few ideas about a more balanced diet. Fingers crossed!

It's so sad isn't when you hope that a child's main carer would become too unwell to look after them isn't it

Can you talk to the other family members and get them on side regarding taking him to football?

I had this with my 9 year old. Always a tall broadly built boy, I noticed when he was at a swimming gala that he was developing a spare tyre. All we've done is encouraged walking and exercising. He's playing golf with his dad more, walking and biking more and, oddly for a boy who's never shown any interest, joined the football club at school. I also noticed that he would eat as much food as was put in front of him so I just started putting his meals on a smaller plate. Not once has he complained of hunger. Cubs is great for children. They get out and about, learn new skills and they do not tolerate bullying of any kind. I'd recommend it for your DSS.

Good luck.

I'd much rather she got better, Cargirl. I think trying to cope with life and MH issues must be really hard. I wish she could get past the MH issues and see that DH is a great Dad and just wants to be able to have a normal relationship with his DS and support her in her relationship with him. I wish DSS didn't have to cope with it all and worry about all these confused feelings he has. It is heartbreaking to watch him realise that the things his mum says to him (to avoid having to confront/deal with her MH issues) are lies, and that the way things are at his mum's house aren't 'normal'.

Ooh, that was a bit of a rant. Sometimes as a stepmum I don't feel I get much support and I do appreciate it, Cargirl.

You are right about plate/portion size, Dazzling - DSS has to eat everything on his plate at home (or it is on his plate with his next meal) and it has taken a long time to get him comfortable with the idea of stopping when he is full. And our plates (I've noticed with my portion sizes) have no rim, so I tend to overfill them. Must be aware of portion size - he can always ask for extra.

Yes it would be lovely if his Mum got better but it doesn't seem likely and in the meantime she is doing so much damager and they do seem really quite extreme.