To be a tiny bit annoyed with DD's school over lunch?

[unlucky67]

DD1 (10) is getting a bit chubby around the waist ...normally this means she is about to have a growth spurt...

On the other hand she has been eating a lot of junk recently and she has taken to sneakily helping herself to stuff like biscuits, jam and Nutella sandwiches ...

I've had round about conversations about it with her - and been keeping a discreet eye on what she is eating -
But yesterday I lost the plot and used the f(at) word ....when I found her eating nutella out of the jar with a spoon at bedtime...

I think what really made me cross was earlier she told me her school lunch was 'epic' - apparently she had two peach and one apple sponge pudding with custard - three portions of pudding...

So AIBU to think the school should not let primary age children have thirds...especially if it is relatively high calorie?

BTW I was a chubby child and quite fat as a teenager - then was food obsessed into my twenties - always on fad diets etc, been know to starve myself and make myself sick etc...now I'm cool with my weight - a bit overweight but not obese - I weigh myself every month or so and if the scales are going up cut back a little -
Guess part of me wishes my parents had tried to stop me overeating when they realised I was getting fat before the damage was done ...

If she really overeats especially sweet things, it could be because a) she doesn't have enough protein in her diet b) she is bored/emotional.

I would make sure that she has protein in her meals. That she has hobbies etc and if is anything she wants to talk about. Also now the weather is great you can go cycling, hiking, skating....

I wouldn't personally hide food or talk about diets.

I challenge any child to resist a sneaky dip in a nutella jar!

IME A lot of children have a chubby phase around the ages of 10, 11 or 12.
I would stop buying nutella or anything too unhealthy and not mention her weight to her again.

YABU.

Maybe school shouldn't allow 3 puddings, but her attitude to food will come from home. Why buy Nutella in the first place, it's vile stuff? Why not encourage healthy toppings such as bananas with a drizzle of honey on pancakes?

I only buy what I want my DC to eat. They know snacks are mainly fruit or veg sticks with hummous of similar and I don't keep biscuits, cakes or crisps in the house as a regular thing, but buy them occasionally as treats or make my own cakes/biscuits once a week or fortnight. All the DC eat huge amounts of food and my 15 year old DS1 often have 4 meals a day too, but none of them are anywhere near overweight because they eat healthily and are active.

I can't resist it myself, Visitor...

DD is scrawny as a rake, does loads of sport, & has had a habit of eating sugar (hidden in her room in mugs) by the spoonful. (Sigh) I see it as a hormonal thing.

Thing is, Squeaky, I have a 3yo who at his age does need snacks at his age. Also, he will noteat any form of fresh or dried fruit (except in Fig Rolls; my older 3DC all ate lots of fruit, they weren't raised any different). So if I let the 3yo have snacks, I have to let the older ones snack.... Also one of mine can be very fussy about food, turning his nose up at anything until suddenly he is starving and extremely unpleasant. No he won't starve if he doesn't eat with the rest of us, but he might spur his mother to infanticide.... I am sympathetic because I cannot eat just because it's my regular meal time, I have to wait until I actually feel hungry or at least weak.

BabybytheSea said wise things, I reckon.

OP - I feel your pain. I too am guilty of using the F word to my DD (11). She is eating like a horse at the moment (and has a bridesmaid's dress to fit into in a few weeks). I found her spreading nutella on digestive biscuits when I came home the other evening . I try and point out to her that you are what you eat and if she continues to eat crap in quantity then she will put on weight.

Agree with others, the only way is to not buy the crap in the first place, but I would rather she learnt to balance her eating. She is always hungry at the moment though.

If kids say they are always hungry is it better to give bigger portions at meal times or do more snacks? Genuine question. I find it hard to know how much food to give.

ragged - I think you can have different food rules for 3 year olds and older ones. For example someone might make a 3 yo hold their hand to cross the road but not an older one. No different IMO.

There is a story in my family that when BIL was at school he started to get a bit heavy so MIL went to the school to ask that he not have seconds of puddings. They said fine, what about the thirds, fourths and fifths?!! He was being 'fed up' by the school cooks!

You haven't done anything wrong, OP, don't be hard on yourself. I do agree with Squeakytoy about allowing free access to whatever's in the cupboard. It should be out of bounds. Fill the fruit bowl, put snacks for the day within reach but on the understanding with your DD that she can have those, but anything else she must ask for.

You can say, "If we eat this kind of thing all the time WE will get fat, it would happen to EVERYBODY". That makes it less personal.

Is she an active girl, OP? I get the impression, although could be wrong, that she isn't and that you might want to think about an activity for you and your girls to get into whilst your DH is working.

About the puddings in school... a gentle word to the school that DD is only to be offered and have one portion of pudding from now on will be abided by. No harm, no foul, she will not be deprived and she doesn't even need to know about it.

Hmmm - still not decided quite what to do ...think I might try and have a word with the school ...
Keeping thinking about Philip Larkin 'they f**k you up, your mum and dad'
DP is a bit of a feeder -was half starved as a child - poor family and metally ill mother...I put on a stone in 6 months when we started living together - would give me huge porrtions and get upset if I didn't eat it all...better now though...
I obviously have my issues ...
I'm thinking I have to try and get her to make the right choices for herself- otherwise when she does have more choice (secondary school) she will eat as much junk as she can...and she likes being naughty (in a deniis the menace/just william etc) way - so being strict might just back fire...I'm thinking of being less strict - allow her some junk but only if she stops sneaking things...
She does have (and has for years) free access to the fruit bowl - she made some comment a few weeks ago about the 'rubbish' play pieces I used to give her (like a bowl of strawberries and raspberries )
She has become more active again recently - for the last couple of years I had an intermittent back problem - sometimes struggled to even walk around the house (hence me being a little overweight) but (touch wood) have been fine for almost a year now...so getting out more ...
I would love her to play outside more with friends - but either the parents are wary of letting them play out unsupervised or they are a good 20 min walk away...

I have instructed the school to not allow my sons more than one pudding or seconds of anything except veg.

Nothing wrong with telling her she'll get fat if she continues to have three puddings and eats nutella with a spoon.

Obviously don't say something like 'I don't want a fat duaghter' as that is very personal.

Obesity is a problem in our society and as parents we do need to help our children understand what a healthy portion size is.

I don't believe in banning any food - you should continue to buy nutella, jam etc - but teach her what a normal amount is, and teach her that if she has too much, then that is unhealthy. It's basic information that we should all teach our children.

The school should not be giving out three portions of pudding, that is far too much, and if you go to the school meetings, I would bring this up.

Can she have sandwiches instead of a hot meal?

I agree with the not having nutella etc in the house. You predominantly, not the school, need to be teaching her healthy eating.

I put on weight easily, and am always, and have always been constantly hungry! My Mum used to tell me that she wouldn't buy me clothes any bigger than a size 12, apparently this is an "ok" size. It meant that actually when I do go up a bit and end up in a 14, I am wracked with guilt and loathing until I then go through my not-eating-and-exercising-like-crazy few months and I become too skinny for my height. It means I also feel shame when I'm eating, and often try to hide my snacking from my husband because I think I'm going to be told off. Even though I know I am not, and was not, fat, my Mum saying it still echoes in my head. Please don't burden your daughter with feelings like this.

So basically, if it's not in the house, she can't eat it! would be the way to go I think.

Lots of people do need snacks, I have a ridiculously fast metabolism and am genuinely hungry a lot of the time, even an hour after a meal! I definitely remember being hungry constantly at about 10/11, and it really wasn't helpful to be told by my DM that I couldn't possibly be hungry. She may well need a snack before bed, obviously nutella is probably not ideal, but depending on what time she has her evening meal she may not eat for 12 hours overnight! I don't know many adults who don't eat for that long. Also, if you think she may be due a growth spurt it's no wonder she is eating a lot.

My DD at 11 grew about 3 inches in a year and started her periods and was fully developed by the time she left primary.

They tend to grow out before they grow up so she may be having a growth spurt.

It is better to eat little and often and have a stable blood sugar level than the 3 meals a day thing, where your sugar levels plunge and you want to binge!

Has anyone mentioned portion size of school dinners? Friend of mine warned me they are not very big for older primary kids at all. She was wondering why her DD always came home saying she had eaten her lunch & was starving. (DS still only yr2)

DD (11) just come across the road from the bus stop saying "I am starving". Made her jam sandwich. Then she had two frubes. She has just come to ask me if she can eat up the strawberries in the fridge with some Greek Yoghurt.

I think she must be having a growth spurt.

I suppose if there were biscuits in the house she would be eating those, but she has already finished them off. No unhealthy snacks available must be the way forward..........