AIBU? Feel like a doormat and don't know what to do...

[shudabinme]

Sprry - long post

There are two women at work who I thought were friends as well as colleagues; I gave lifts to them, gave over my baby stuff when one of them had a baby, stuck up for them, covered for them... and been stabbed straight in the back!

They work compressed hours, meaning that one does 37 hours over four days, the other 30hours over three - I do 37hours over five days. This means that I can come in after them and go home before them and still do my hours, and extra to build up flexi time in case I need time off with my dd.

Found out that they reported me to one of the bosses saying that I was fiddling my timesheet because they couldn't understand how I always left 'early' when I came in late. This is a serious allegation, and they didn't have a shred of proof - fortunately my boss told them to go away and learn basic maths. Rightly or wrongly he warned me on the quiet to be careful of them in future - but they could have lost me my job, and I am in a position of trust, so I would never do anything like that. Even he said he couldn't believe that they said that! Plus the ICT logs can be checked so I know I am in the clear.

But I am soooo angry and upset that they could have done something like this - my whole life would have been screwed if I lost my job. I am such a bad judge of character cos I didn't see it happening - they're always chatty, friendly and nice - no warning at all. I've known them for five years, we've worked in the same office for two.

Now I am being really careful not to say anything to either of them about anything except work - they don't know I know - but then the younger one has been going round saying that the atmosphere in the office is not nice - well, duh! And what do I do when the other one wants a lift - I know what I'd like to do but I have to work with them. Fridays is such a relief as neither of them are in.

The worst bit is how betrayed I feel - how could they do this? I know they're under pressure working such long hours, but it was their choice. There are redundancies going about work at the moment and I wonder if this is their way of making themselves 'safe' by getting me into trouble. I am being so careful not to be rude to them, I'm still helpful but only as far as the job requires, and I don't talk about any personal stuff - I excuse myself if they start chatting. It's horrible to work like this.
AIBU to not want anything to do with them any more? What would you do?

I'd be gutted if people I considered friends had done this.

Thankfully your boss has stood up for you and also told you.

I'd be very wary and keep it to a work relationship now.

YANBU

You don't sound half as angry as I think I would be in your situation. I definitely wouldn't be giving either one of them lifts or doing them favours again, and being me I'd probably tell them why, though that may not be the most sensible suggestion as you still have to work with them! I wouldn't go out of my way to be friendly or helpful unless strictly work related and aside from that I would keep my distance and cool off so that they got the message and any interaction with them is strictly on a professional basis. Sounds like your boss is understanding and has their measure, so I'd also keep her/him in the loop and mention to them that following their false allegations I was keeping things strictly professional from now on, just in case of any further repercussions and fall-out.

This happened to me at work. Yes, I was frequently 10-15 minutes late in the morning, but most days I would work (unpaid) until 6.30-7pm. The 'ladies' in the other department complained that I was always late, and I was hauled over the coals.

I started coming in on time, and went home bang on the dot of 5. My boss was most unhappy! The Company lost out all round.

Oh what a horrible position to be in Hopefully those women will be made redundant as they sound like snakes! I think you are doing the right thing, being the bigger person as my dh would say, and just trying to go about your daily routine without trying to involve them too much. Call it a learned experience and try and avoid them in a personal relationship. Are there other people at work who you can lunch with etc to avoid them?

YANBU, except that I don't think you have been a doormat - just a good colleague and friend. I would be furious in your place but also hurt, which is probably difficult to deal with.

Don't give any more lifts or you really will feel like a doormat. Just say, 'sorry not possible' and keep things strictly professional.

How horrible for you, YANBU. That the atmosphere at work is spoiled now is down to them and not you. Your boss handled it just right I think.

I would follow dinosaurs excellent advice and you can be the bigger person in this.

Alot of women are bitches. And I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I've just been called dishonest by a couple of so called friends because my son chose to have a nintendo dsi instead of a party. I let him choose two friends for lunch. All long and boring but they tried to turn another friend against me and she stood up for me. They had moaned to her saying that the lunch was obviously a party and why couldn't I be honest, but not to tell me. She did and they didn't even apologise for calling me a liar when I texted them both with the two friends for lunch explanation and that their children weren't chosen. One of them ignores me in public and has now started ignoring my friend because she told me what they had been up to. Do what I do, be civil, do the right thing but do not do any favours (in my case to the point of being awkward!) Obviously yours is at work so you can't. Thank goodness your boss could see what they were up to.

Thanks, I still can't believe it - you'd have thought I was old enough to know by now! I am sooo furious.

I feel flattered to have been mistaken for a teenage girl! I'm 37!

You're probably doing better than them and ultimately will be more successful.