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or should I have kept this quiet from DH?

1 reply

Bogeyface · 05/05/2011 16:32

We are in a situation at the moment that is not of our making, but has impacted our finances horribly. It is just one of those things that could happen to anyone and while it totally sucks, isnt anyone fault.

I have done the lions share of sorting it out. I know that practically this is the best thing as a)I am at home and can do ringing people to get quotes etc b) I am much better at negotiation than DH so can get us the best possible deal and c) I can sit and spend time juggling the figures etc to make sure that we dont end up on the bones of our arses for next 3 months paying for it. But some support would be nice instead of him leaving me to it and expecting me to just come up with the answers all the time. I guess that is partly my fault as I have set myself up as the coper Hmm it is annoying but I can deal with that.

What I didnt expect is for him to be actively selfish about helping the situation and deliberately avoiding doing something that would make this a little easier to deal with, both financially and stress wise, because he would have to make a sacrifice. Imagine that you needed money and had something worth selling, but hid the fact that you owned it so you didnt have to sell it because you didnt want to have to go without, even though your partner had straight away sold something that mattered to them and was going without. It isnt actually that but along those lines, but you get the idea.

He also spent some money that although negligible in the grand scheme of things (less than £50 when our problem is needing hundreds), could have gone into the pot to help out. It was a luxury purchase that he just didnt want to wait for. I found out because he left his email open and the confirmation order was there in all its glory. So I rang him and made it clear how pissed off I was that not only was he leaving it all to me, but he was actually making things harder for me. We had a row where he got very shouty, always a good indicator that he knows he is wrong, and tried to turn it round to being my fault and then got even more shouty when he couldnt.

I lost it, burst into tears (as much from frustration, stress and anger as genuine upset) and hung up on him. this was 3 hours ago. He just rang and asked how I was and sounded quite contrite. He said I sounded funny and was I ok and I said I had been crying all afternoon and probably sounded bunged up, and he said thanks for making him feel worse!

EXCUSE ME?! He says that there was no need to "rub his face in it" which I wasnt, he asked! And why the hell should I keep quiet about being at the end of my rope in the first place only to have him make things worse and that that had upset me? I think I was crying so much because a) I am 37 weeks pg so a bit prone to tears atm and b) it has all just got too much and I needed to let it out.

So should I have just kept schtum as I am "making things worse" by telling him how upset I am?

OP posts:

VajazzHands · 05/05/2011 16:40

Well he made you cry, so he made you feel "worse" surely? Text him and tell him that making someone cry for 3 hours is worse than telling someone you made them cry for 3 hours.

Also call him a cock. It's childish but will make you feel better.

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