Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Aibu to be annoyed with dh...

21 replies

Atwaroverscrabble · 05/05/2011 11:31

.... For yet again booking annual leave without checking with the family over dates?

Dh keeps booking the odd week off here and there and expecting me to suddenly do the same but doesn't ask when I could take time off first!

He has just announced he has booked two weeks off, end of may/beg of June and doesn't see why I am annoyed! Ds (11) will still be in school although dsd (16) will have finished her exams and dd (17 months ) is just around anyway but he expects me to take time off and for us to do day trips etc!!

He moans and stomps around and has said that work thinks he's under the thumb and I nag too much but all I am asking is that we talk about when we could take time off and consider school dates etc!

I have told him not to expect me or ds to have any time during that holiday and that it's fine with me if he takes dsd and dd off for a few days out but he won't do that! He'll want to stay in bed for a few days and then expect me to drop everything and drive him and dsd around to places( he can't drive) ..... Arghhh aibu?

OP posts:

SarkyLady · 05/05/2011 11:33

What an eejit!

whosmindingthecorgis · 05/05/2011 11:36

Dh was off for a week in april when I wasn't, so I kindly left him a list of jobs that needed doing. I also kindly took ds (2) out of nappies on the previous saturday, so he had to potty train him! Lol I'm evil

QuackQuackBoing · 05/05/2011 11:46

Wow he's selcentred isn't he. Does he consider you in anything?

2posh · 05/05/2011 11:47

Is DS his too, or just yours?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/05/2011 11:49

YANBU. I think, as you are so domineering I would firmly suggest he uses that week to learn to drive. Unless there is something medically wrong with him, he should be able to drive. I know you can do a week long intesive course and take your test at the end. A friend of mine did it.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 05/05/2011 11:51

can you ask him what is so unreasonable about the two of you sitting down and syncronising your diaries and agreeing time off?

It's not even about 'being under the thumb' (silly man!) it's about reaching agreement.

If he feels that discussing things with your wife and reaching agreement with her is being under the thumb, then he has a problem and a need to be in control, imo.

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 11:52

What a self centred git.

If work think he's under the thumb I suggest he stops tattling to them!

When you have a family you don't just get to book random leave anymore - them's the breaks!

I couldn't/wouldn't live with someone so bloody self absorbed nor someone more worried about what his workmates say than how his actions impact his family!

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 05/05/2011 11:53

oh. and don't drive him around. what's the matter with you? tell him to get the bus. You're not his bloody chauffeur.

Callisto · 05/05/2011 11:56

He sounds like a selfish twat. And why on earth can't he drive?

QuackQuackBoing · 05/05/2011 11:56

Pretend that you can't get that week off work. Teach him a lesson!

IgnoringTheChildren · 05/05/2011 12:09

Even if all he wanted to do was take to his bed for a few days rest he should still have the common sense to discuss it with you before booking the time off! Clearly YANBU and he is.

The only remotely valid reason for him doing this (that I can think of at the moment) is that his work have pushed him to make a decision on when he wants to take his holiday because they need to plan for his absence (What do you mean you need to ask your wife about it? You're so under the thumb! When do you want to take it?)

EssexGurl · 05/05/2011 12:14

If I don't tell my DH when specifically to have time off, he just doesn't book it. This year he has had 2 days off so far. I would actually like him to take the initiative and book time off. He has list of all term dates, assemblies, sports days etc so could easily do it. I feel like his mother at times!

Callisto · 05/05/2011 12:17

It really amazes me that the 'under the thumb/nagging wife/her indoors' attitude is so prevalent still. I just never come across it. Is it a certain kind of man/age/industry/educational background? And why do women put up with it? DH wouldn't dream of booking holiday, or do anything that impacted us both, without discussing it first, and nor would I. It is just bizarre.

zipzap · 05/05/2011 14:25

What would he say if you came home and said that you'd booked a couple of weeks off on holiday and wanted him to book the time off too - regardless of the fact that it was his busy time/kids still at school/exams etc?

he'd think you were being outrageous. And yet it's fine for him to do this. Try turning it around on him and seeing if that helps him to understand...

redexpat · 05/05/2011 15:12

So he expects you to take time off when it suits him, and yet he's the one under the thumb?

I like the intensive driving course idea!

Original poster

Atwaroverscrabble · 05/05/2011 16:44

Hi everyone, no ds isn't his but he treats him like he is...

He's gone to work now and is cancelling the 2nd week and has agreed that he needs to try and get some time in the school holidays but is 'insisting' that we find somewhere to go as he doesn't want to be stuck in the house all week with the kids so I now just need to check my deadlines etc and give him some suitable dates! Arghhh

OP posts:

frgaaah · 05/05/2011 16:50

OP, does he actually respect the fact that you hold down a job, just like he does?

What would he do if you had the same attitude?

I have a sneaking suspician that this is just the tip of the iceburg. It normally is on MN threads. Any selfish git that thinks it's reasonable to randomly book 2 weeks (!!) off work and then moan to his wife about it because she can't get time off (and then complain about being "under the thumb"? is he 104 or something?) is usually just a bit of a prick in other areas too. Or a big prick. Dunno in this case.

But I would look into whether he's just had a silly moment (we all have them) or this is some wider pattern of behaviour.

E.g. who takes time off work when emergency childcare days need to happen?

Sn0wflake · 05/05/2011 17:57

What a wanker! I hope he is lovely in other ways. Tell him to go back to work and change the dates.

PrincessScrumpy · 05/05/2011 18:04

my dh wouldn't dare do that - I tell him when to take holiday!... but my dh is under the thumb (and he knows it), but seriously, to book without discussing it? No way would I put up with that.

whackamole · 05/05/2011 18:05

YANBU.

Mine does this too - sort of. We agree on dates and I book them immediately. He waits usually until about 3 weeks before the proposed 'holiday' to ask 'when are those dates again?' then expresses astonishment that someone else has dared book the same 2 weeks in August!

3 years on the bloody trot....

Abbotasbadaplacetohideasany · 05/05/2011 18:10

Helps to have a calender clearly visible in the house with dates clearly marked - makes the pointing and hands on hips stance much simpler. Once it's in blank and white 'nuff said.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread