....to find daftness in people funny rather than offensive?

[Punkatheart]

I was sitting quietly on a bench, just finishing a WHOLE bar of gingery Green and Blacks' chocolate. Thinking about a square of another one.

Friend saunters up.

'Ooooh I do hope you haven't eaten all of that....greedy!'

'Well, I do have to be on a high calorie diet, especially as I tend to lose weight with my lymphoma. Sometimes I really need some empty calories - I have actually been told to eat chocolate!'

'Aren't you lucky! I wish I could get that...lymphoma thing. Not for ever but just for a bit so I could lose some weight...'

I should have challenged, should I not? I should have told her that she was being insensitive? I just found this ridiculous statement hilarious. I have a very dark sense of humour anyway and I do laugh at my illness, in an effort to be in control. But now I am thinking that someone else might have really been hurt and upset by her comments. She should know how daft she is?

oh, now that's priceless!

I think I would probably look at her and say "You do realise what lymphoma actually is, don't you?"

and if she says no, I'd tell her.

The ignorance is actually unreasonable,the dark humour is not!

I was just about to jump in and say YABVVVVU, I thought you had written DEAFNESS. Daftness is a whole other thing. YAof course NBU.

Maybe she went away and is cringing a million times after realising what she said.

I'm glad you found it funny rather than upsetting.

Oh no she would not have cringed. Her most famous statement is, when telling her my father had died and my daughter was upset: 'I am very lucky; my children don't know any dead people.'

She really is that daft - but also kind and would always help anyone.

She knows what lymphoma is - I explained it to her when I got diagnosed...

oh good god! (at the friend not you btw) She just wished to get cancer in order to lose weight! I can actually see the humour in it though punk. When are you going to start marketing your 'miracle diet' Glad you weren't offended though. Wouldn't have blamed you if you had been!

well, if you know that she knows, then you look at her and you raise an eyebrow and you say "seriously? you wish you had cancer like me so you could lose a bit of weight?"

and the second comment

look, love, that's not 'daft' . that's someone who has got serious problems about socially acceptable behaviour.

you should really pull her up on each comment. explain why it's hurtful.

with not about

I think there is a difference between vile spiteful people and stupid ones, if you don't want to use the word daft. People have challenged her in the past, her eyes open wide and she apologises - but then often repeats her mistakes. It is as if she cannot learn, cannot realise.

I'm quite sure she's not spiteful, you say she's a lovely person. She's certainly got some sort of social problem though, hasn't she? a total lack of awareness. inability to put herself in the other prson's position. lack of empathy?

tbh, I can quite see my children growing up to be adults who make such kind of comments. They are lovely lads, but they just don't understand people and social rules etc. especially my youngest. (they have autism)

I'm not trying to diagnose asd I am just saying that I understand that social problems don't mean a nasty person. but they are social problems.

And if your friend is that bad, then one day she'll end up getting smacked in the gob! or at the very least, she'll lose friends. helping her to understand what not to say would help her.

No that's interesting. Because autism is rarer in girls and women, it probably goes diagnosed in many. She does seem to have a cheerful lack of empathy....

i agree punk most people who put their feet into their mouths are not trying to be offensive they are just a little ignorant, and a lot insensitive. it's a waste of our own energy to get worked up about it. it may be a painful reminder of a situation, which is unpleasant, but to be offended - definite waste of energy.

it may be useful to point it out to her, and she may or may not learn from it. if she wasn't trying to offend, and you can handle it in such a way, you are very definitely not being unreasonable - very sensible, in fact.

she probably cringes, blabbers on to try and ease things only to make them worse, cringes more afterwards with a note to self not to do it again and then, is mortified when another faux par falls out within half an hour