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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not beleive the nurses?

14 replies

nubbins · 05/05/2011 07:06

My husband is in hospital after major surgery, and whenever I ask, the nurses say he is doing 'OK', which I take to mean, he's not doing badly but could be doing better.

I don't want to be labelled and interferring relative, but my DH does want to get out asap and get back home and before he went in, I know he is relying on me to persuade him to eat/drink/move etc because he is so drained from it all.

anyone know what 'doing ok' actually means, or am I reading waaaaaay too much into this?!

OP posts:
Newgolddream · 05/05/2011 07:10

If you have specific questions why dont you either ask the Nurses or make an appointment to see his Doctor? If they say hes ok that means hes recovering ok - not sure where you get "he could be doing better" from this. But remember hes had a major op, of course people want out of hospital asap but theres no point in rushing home only to have to come back again at some point.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 07:13

"doing ok" usually means "doing as well as expected under the circumstances"

but of course that is guesswork on our part

could you find out when the medical staff do their ward round and arrange to be there and/or speak to the nurses again, explaining your concerns

Tanso · 05/05/2011 07:15

I would imagine it is more for the doctors to be telling you exactly how he is. The nurses are probably not allowed to give more specific details than that, its not really their job.

Bairyheaver · 05/05/2011 07:36

Nurses are professional and are allowed to give specific progress reports. They most likely mean that he is recovering as expected. If you want to know something more specific you need to ask.

Best wishes to your dh for a speedy recovery.

Birdsgottafly · 05/05/2011 07:40

Write a list of qustions including recovery time and expected discharge date and see the doctors as they are doing their rounds. You may have to wait around for at least an hour but they will allow you to do this out of visiting time to speak to a doctor.

Your DH will have a nurse who is his 'key worker' (i have been out of health for a while so not sure on the up to date title). They will be able to update you when you visit. Sometimes they don't have answers daily, it is a case of seeing how he is. They will not want to rush his recovery. This can do more harm than good.

Its very early days so try not to worry about his eating at present. He wil see a physio and just make sure that he does what they tell him and at the pace that they set. Sometimes doing more is damaging.

onceamai · 05/05/2011 07:56

You need to make an appointment to see his consultant or senior registrar and go armed with a list of questions. Personally, I would not rely on anything a nurse told me and have been given far too much inaccurate and incorrect information from them over the years.

Hope the DH continues to recover and all is well as soon as possible for you all.

squeakytoy · 05/05/2011 08:01

When my mum was in ICU the nurses would never give me much information, and always said I had to speak to the consultant.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/05/2011 08:08

Why is he relying on you to motivate him to eat and move?

georgie22 · 05/05/2011 08:11

I'm a nurse and I'm shocked that some people have such low opinions of the nursing profession, and have been given so much inaccurate information by them. I can honestly say that, in my time working on the wards I would spend time with families and explain the current situation with their family member and also check their medical notes as medical staff are frequently bad at communicating their plans etc.

To the OP I would ask to speak to the senior nurse on duty or the medical team for more specific questions. Nurses are limited in what they can tell you over the telephone due to confidentiality but not face to face, as long as your dh has consented to information being shared.

Birdsgottafly · 05/05/2011 08:19

georgie22- you will find that there are lots of people on MN who have had a bad experience with a profession, so then quote this experience as though this is the standard to judge that profession on, unfortunatly.

squeakytoy · 05/05/2011 08:21

The nurses I had to deal with were lovely people, but they did give me very conflicting information, which really was the difference between life and death. :(

Original poster
nubbins · 05/05/2011 09:11

OK. I'll try and give them a bit of a break! I havn't seen his consultant since about 4 hours after the surgery, but we have been told that the people who don't develop chest infections and other complications are the ones who tackle recovery head on.

about half the nurses have been fantastic, told me how much to get him to drink and what all the flashy numbers on the screen mean etc, but some just don't seem to care about doing the best for the patient and only want to do the routine stuff. Which is why I am keen to help him as much as i can because I know they are pushed for time.

He's relying on me because he is exhausted and lost his appetite. he doesn't really care about food at the best of times but I know his mood drops if he doesn't eat and he needs to be motivated to work with the physio to get him on the road to health.

He was brilliant through my labours and really kept me going through some hard times, and now I have to step up to the mark and do the same for him.

p.s. apologies for typo's, brain not quite in sync with the world at the moment!

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/05/2011 09:14

I am going to stick up for the nurses. I am qualified to Wink. It is a satisfying, yet horribly demanding profession.
Give them a break you rotters.

georgie22 · 05/05/2011 09:34

Amen to that kreecher!

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