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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit upset that my dh would prefer to watch tv than chat with me?

11 replies

Irishchic · 04/05/2011 22:58

I am not sitting here in tears or anything, just feeling a bit flat and disappointed.

Dh was away on business for the last 3 days, got home this evening. We spent about 20mins chatting over dinner, then he wanted to watch the football match, (Man Utd and some other team?) he is mad about footie so i left him to it and watched something else in the other room until the footie over. Then I came in, looking forward to a bit of a chat/catch up before bed, but he had already started watching somthing else, and wanted to watch that rather than talk to me....

I felt quite disappointed and shit, but didnt push it, as I dont think it should be necessary to cajole your own dh into wanting to talk to you, so I just went off to bed which is where i am now, wondering why he is like this. I know that i if had been away for 3 days I would want to spend time talking to dh and hearing what was up, and would prob just sky-plus whatever I wanted to watch and watch it another time.

Or AIBU?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 23:01

You are not being unreasonable.

petratsdontsmell · 04/05/2011 23:03

All I can say is... one gets used to it.

"know that i if had been away for 3 days I would want to spend time talking to dh and hearing what was up, and would prob just sky-plus whatever I wanted to watch and watch it another time."- when you do go away for 3 days and come back and behave like this, try to remember your op and the worked example your dh has given of how HE would prefer you to behave!!

My dh went away for work for 10 weeks and when I asked if he'd missed us, he looked totally uncomprehending. "FGS it was only 10 weeks" was his comment!

Ragwort · 04/05/2011 23:08

Make sure you get to sleep fast (or pretend !) - sounds just like my DH who would suddenly only become 'interested' at bed time Grin.

Original poster
Irishchic · 04/05/2011 23:10

Ragword lol! Am eating chocolate in bed instead as consolation for feeling overlooked!

OP posts:
HalfPastWine · 04/05/2011 23:14

Now if I were you I'd play funny buggers when I got up tomorrow morning. I would pretend he was invisible and then when he asks what's going on then tell him that's exactly how he made you feel last night!

nothingnatural · 04/05/2011 23:27

Classic female/male behavioural difference I'm afraid. Husband has had a busy few days and wants to come home and relax ie veg out in front of telly. Wife desperate to chat. Husb thinks he's done the chatting thing over dinner so all sorted.

Irishchic I would let it lie for tonight then explain tomorrow when you are both all rested and calm that you would like to spend a bit more time talking to him when he gets back from a business trip. I wouldn't play games HalfPastWine, why treat him like an idiot? Just TALK to him.

But if he is going to do these trips I would expect it to be like this tbh. Arrange to go out for dinner the night AFTER he gets back perhaps.

troisgarcons · 04/05/2011 23:27

YABU - people have different methods of chilling out..... when we are apart we catch up on the days events every night .... if he goes off on a weeks golf to Spain, we dont actually "talk" in any depth for a day or so 'till he's settled back home and the kids are out of the way

Original poster
Irishchic · 04/05/2011 23:31

HalfPastWine - I might do that, though I doubt he will even notice as I tend to be very uncommunicative in the mornings anyway until i have had my cuppa, and he would only expect monosyllables from me before then.

He has just come up to the room a bit sheepish and said he was watching the programme but also doing work stuff at the same time on his pc and did i want to talk about anything in particular. I said not really,just wanted to chat and you know, connect..men dont seem to get this. He looked a bit guilty and said could we do that tomorrow night instead it that would be ok, so I said yea fine, i mean what am i going to do, start ranting and raving, weeping, start a row?? He means well, but just doesnt GET IT!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Irishchic · 04/05/2011 23:36

Nothingnatural - you are right i think, a touch of the Mars/Venus divide here. I guess we can do it tomorrow and he will be more rested by then.
Fair Point TroisGarcons, but it is hard for the person at home on their own with the kids, (5 in all) and looking forward to spouse coming home and then just getting a quick snatch of chat over dinner and thats it for the night. But I dont intend to push it tonight as that would be counterproductive and he is generally thoughtful, or tries to be at least.

OP posts:
duckypoo · 04/05/2011 23:48

Blimey that's like my life always, dp would rather stare at some random advert, his iphone/his laptop/the kids than actually have a conversation with me that wasn't about don't tell the bride Hmm ironic ey. In return I now stare at my laptop for an unhealthy part of the day, better than being ignored, it's post-modern innit Sad.

You get used to it, or plot your revenge or exit. I have plumped for the first although have the latter in reserve Grin.

cat64 · 05/05/2011 00:13

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