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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder what parents who smack would do if it was made illegal?

33 replies

susssiq · 04/05/2011 19:00

Would you go to parenting classes to learn other ways of raising yur children or try and manage fearing your kids will become delinquent, or do it and hope to get away with it.

I am a brit living in Sweden where it has been illegal to smack since 1979 and Sweden isn't particularly known as a country full of delinquents...

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 04/05/2011 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlightlyScrambled · 04/05/2011 19:08

It's illegal in Finland too. I don't know how it's enforced as people can do what they like at home. But at least it would be reported if it happened in public and that's enough of a deterrent. And it also stops other family members from smacking children.

At least a neighbour had his grandchildren staying for a few days and he was lamenting to us that he couldn't give one a beating.

People tend to think twice about doing things if they are illegal.

FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 19:08

So far as I am aware it is illegal is it not? it's actual bodily harm.

Original poster
susssiq · 04/05/2011 19:11

well i think banning it made people think about it more and the consequences of it which ultimatly changed peoples opinions on it. according to a survey i just read in 1979 53% of people thought it was a good way of raising kids in 2005 only 13% did. So peoples ideas do change. It is in sweden a form of child abuse and is enforced in the same way other child abuse is enforced in the uk. I.e relys on child saying something reports to social services or someone noticing. but kids are also aware from an early age that it is not ok for anyone even family members to hit them (smack tap or anything) My DS is 4 and nos you are not allowed to smack.

OP posts:
Original poster
susssiq · 04/05/2011 19:12

In england smacking or other forms of physical punishment that dont result in marks or lasting damage are legal (i think thats how they put it)

OP posts:
discobeaver · 04/05/2011 19:52

I think people who are reasonable and who occasionally lose it with their kids and give them a slapped hand or bottom will probably not do it, but as these type of people only do it once in a blue moon anyway, it won't make much difference.

People who want to 'beat' their children or otherwise kick the crap out of them will still do it, since the law means stuff all to them.

I don't know, maybe there is a middle ground type of parent who regularly uses smacking as punishment but not enough to be 'beating'?

FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 19:55

Jeeez I really thought people were no longer allowed to smack their kids! In my opinion they shouldn't be allowed.

EldonAve · 04/05/2011 19:59

It is illegal in NZ too

Honeybee79 · 04/05/2011 20:00

It is legal in this country Fabby.

If it wasn't then I'm pretty sure that people would carry on in private anyway.

My DS is too young for me to have had to consider disciplining him (6 months) so not sure how I feel about the issue to be honest. Quite conflicted, I think.

Serenitysutton · 04/05/2011 20:04

I actually don't think they'd stop. As someone else said, people tend to do so when at the end if their their when theyve lost control. However, I'm sure in a few generations it will be far less acceptable.

It won't make any difference to child abusers though- they're already breaking the law.

Hardhatonamission · 04/05/2011 20:21

I have only smacked ONCE and i do not regret my decision as it was the appropriate thing to do at that time. It's just another tool that I can reach for if needs be.

If it were banned it would make no odds to me as it's not my 'go to' thing, but I do defend the right of a parent to issue a smack in an appropriate circumstance.

strandedbear · 04/05/2011 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
susssiq · 04/05/2011 20:31

I know I have flet the urge once or twice but it being illegal stopped me, partly cos of fear he would say something partly because I want to be a "good" parent and abusing your child (as it is if illegal) is not being a good parent.

Hardhatonamission would you still have smacked in that situation if it were illegal?

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Hardhatonamission · 04/05/2011 20:33

Yes. The situation more than warranted it. DC had put their, and my, life at risk by their actions.

marmaladetwatkins · 04/05/2011 20:34

They'd probably find a more effective way of parenting.

CoffeeDodger · 04/05/2011 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nightowlmostly · 04/05/2011 20:47

I just can't help feeling that people use smacking because it is deemed to be acceptable, and therefore they don't bother to try and find out any better ways of dealing with these situations.

People say that small children can't be reasoned with, but apply that to mentally disabled adults. Would you think it was ok to hit them if they misbehave?

Original poster
susssiq · 04/05/2011 21:00

hardhatonamission what did your dc do? do you really believe that your child could not have been prevented from doing it again in any other way?

yeah nightowl good point!!

Surely if it was illegal nothing warrants it? kind of like saying its ok to hit another adult if they were speeding and crashed into your car....i.e endangered your life etc

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marmaladetwatkins · 04/05/2011 21:00

"People say that small children can't be reasoned with, but apply that to mentally disabled adults. Would you think it was ok to hit them if they misbehave?"

You've shit right in the toilet there, mate.

smokinaces · 04/05/2011 21:13

If smacking is illegal, would this include a tap on the hand?

Example being child reaching into fire, quick tap on hand with a No.

would this be classed as an illegal smack?

rachie2011 · 04/05/2011 21:16

tappin a toddlers hand for their own saftey would never be illegal you are all parents and everyone raises children different and dont really think anyone can judge it goes off personal choice as long as you raise a loving, caring, respectful and healthy child what does it matter each to their own :)

marmaladetwatkins · 04/05/2011 21:19

What would smacking, sorry, tapping a hand achieve that a stern telling off wouldn't? My DS put a plastic bag on his head when he was two. I shouted at him so loud that he jumped out of his skin (mainly out of fear) and he still remembers it. You're kidding yourself if you think that hitting is the way to drum stuff in. My mum used to belt my legs when I was being a little shit testy. Never taught me a thing.

Serenitysutton · 04/05/2011 21:26

I don't know, I think shouting is just as scary as smacking (as in, lightly smacked bottom, not aiming to hurt or mark) my parents mustve decided although they would smack, only my mother would do so (they only had daughters, my father is petty heavy handed and may well've hurt us) but I was more scared at him him shouting and telling me to get out, that was really scary. We used to Laugh at my mum after a while if she threatened smacks, which I'm sure wound her up something awful, lol

rachie2011 · 04/05/2011 21:27

thats your view marmaladetwatkins but some people have different which is fine i dont see the big deal everyone is different you either agree or your dont

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 04/05/2011 21:29

Hmmm, I for one 'lashed out' at DS2 when he was reaching up for the kettle. I hit his hand, I yelled my head off and yes, of course, it was a smack... but it was not intended as such, iyswim... IN such a circumstance (others maybe 'grabbing' way too hard as the kid runs out to road / smacks as they reach for the fire/stinging nettle's etc...) - well, blimey - there but for the grace of God, surely? I've done it - and I don't think it SHOULD be classed as abuse. It's a parent stopping their child at a terrifying moment...

However - to slap as a routine 'tool' in the kitbag, no I don't think that's right at all. But sometimes we all get tired / fed up of saying 'no no no' and although it's probably right to say 'find more effective parenting techniques', I am not going to point the finger at a knackered parent who is just on their knees... Walk a mile in their shoes before saying they're wrong.

Tough one. Agree with saying it won't teach more than a stern telling off, but by the time the parent is smacking, they're probably too tired/frazzled/whatever to think it through. (And those are the parents who are not beaters... just the occasional loss of control - which is what it is under those circs, no doubt...)

Think I've argued myself into my bellybutton. Enough already.... Brew